Feb 23 2010

Love Language - Words of Affirmation

We continue our conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman about the 5 Love Languages - today it's Words of Affirmation:

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Keep listening for your chance to win a copy of Gary's book, plus get qualified to win a grand prize trip for you to attend the Marriage You've Always Wanted conference of your choice!

Comments (19) -

2/23/2010 5:19:36 AM
katie v. United States
katie v.
ohmigosh. that is exactly what i feel like! i love it when my mom tells me i love you. but if she yells at me or if i'm even just one of the people she's yelling at i'll, like, burst into tears. i just get injured so easily. i sometimes feel like i'm the only one who ever gets yelled at. the problem with this is that when someone else gets yelled at, i don't feel bad. i should but mostly i'm just glad it's not me. i'll try and work on that. thanks guys.
2/23/2010 7:23:13 AM
Paula Fisher United States
Paula Fisher
My husband and I were introduced to love languages about 4 years ago during a study about raising our child to follow God's way.  Kevin and I took the test and the moment the results were revealed, I had a huge AHA moment.  I realized that all the things my husband did for me was because he was showing me his love for me.  He was an 'Acts of Service' kinda guy.  We also found out that of the five love languages, 'Acts of Service' was number 5 (the bottom) of my list.  Or relationship was always good before...but now it's greater than I can have ever imagined.  He makes an effort to speak to me in my language 'physical touch' and I make an effort to speak in his.  He knows how much of a stretch it is for me to do things for him, just as I know how much it is for him to do things for me.  We both do them with a joyful heart (now that we know) and that has made all the difference.

I love the 'Love Languages'.  I tell everyone I can about them.  I use it with co-workers, friends and family.  The love languages help me interact positively with everyone.  I am extremely passionate about them and I believe that shines through.  I lead a fuel group of 10th grade girls at my house on Sundays.  Just this past Sunday I spoke with them about love languages as a way of honoring their fathers and mothers.  (We were discussing the 5th commandment.)  Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from one of the girls in my group.  She wants me to speak about love languages at her school in front of the entire student body.  I have never given a speech to a group that large and I am extremely nervous.  But, because I am so passionate about the love languages and because she reached out to me (we are a fledgling group) I said "yes" with no hesitation.  I know God will get me through this...I’m just praying that God helps me from getting nauseous.  Smile
2/23/2010 7:46:47 AM
A.J. Guerrero United States
A.J. Guerrero
always be positive no matter the situation, and go about life confidently.

our greatest glory is in never falling, but rising everytime we fall.

smiles are great investments, the more you collect the better you feel.
2/23/2010 7:58:10 AM
John-Carl Guthrie United States
John-Carl Guthrie
Just letting you know that I think klove has brought down 5lovelanguages.com. I've seen this before where big sites like slashdot link someone and bring them down, I guess klove has enough people to do that too.
2/23/2010 7:58:24 AM
Laurie United States
My husband's love language is words of affirmation which is hard for me to do because that's not something with which I can relate.  So, it's hard for me to come up with compliments for him.  I do thank him for things that he does for me.  And a lot of times when I give him affirming words, he will shoot them down with negative remarks like, "No (he always starts it out with 'no'), I'm not like that" or something to that affect.  So, then I feel defeated, like I did it wrong and try to think how to do it differently.  It's really hard.  But, I try.
2/23/2010 8:22:42 AM
Jackie United States
Lisa,  it is hard to see I'm sure how many of us are spending our lives with you.  We "know" your family, your personality, your heart.  Eric, these words are for you, because your tender heart and character are also a big part of our little family's daily lives.  What a blessing that God gives you a job where much of the time He is speaking words through music to you!  Hope that you both know you are loved by God and many people who you point to Him by your lives.  We love you!  Together with you so that the lost are saved and the saved are changed, Jackie in CA
2/23/2010 8:31:49 AM
Deborah Geyer United States
Deborah Geyer
I have often been labeled "Encourager" because I tend to say things that affirm my family and friends. I grew up feeling confident because my Mom always said very affirming things to me. Basically I thought I was merely imitating my Mom's ways by saying affirming things to others. When I read the book some years ago, I could see that "Words of Affirmation" was my love language, but I still basically saw it as how I expressed my love to others. Then some years into our marriage I lost my job, which normally would've been a bad thing, but we were right in the middle of selling one house and buying another and having to move and since I wasn't working, I was suddenly available to take over all the details and manage the move for us. It wasn't difficult for me--I'm a take-charge kinda person and have no doubts about my abilities, but it was a stressful time in my husband's job, so he was more than happy to turn things over to me.  Then one day, a couple months later, we were sitting in our "new" home, having coffee and reading the paper, and he turned to me and said, "I just want to thank you for taking care of everything and getting us settled. I really appreciate all you did, I know it was a lot to do." I swear, my spirit soared and my heart leapt in my chest and tears came to my eyes--I felt SO LOVED! He totally affirmed me and it totally resonated within me. Not only did he thank me, but he acknowledged that it was a lot to do, so it touched me on more than one level. Wow. Later I told him how what he said made me feel and since then, without over-doing it, he has made a point of thanking AND acknowledging me in other areas, filling my love tank to overflowing. Yeah, "The Five Love Languages" is a must-read, not just for couples, but for anyone interested in knowing how to extend AND receive love.
2/23/2010 9:11:47 AM
shandon nelson United States
shandon nelson
I have been so blessed from listening to klove I have been listening consistently for about 3 weeks. I am going through a seperation in my marriage. This is my second one and I would wonder why I would be so in love at first and then everything would just go downhill after a while. I really thought that it was not for me to have anyone but for me to just be single and alone for the remainder of my life. I have been praying asking God for help and direction. I just felt like I was uncapable of finding true love that will last thanks to K-LOVE my prayers have been answered today. My husband was not fulfilling my love language.I thank you so much for broadcasting this and to Mr. Chapman for this book. I have ordered it offline for me and my husband I have also texted him and told him I have somthing for him. I really dont know if it is to late for us or not pray for us please and pray he will except he is very stubborn.

                           Thanks again so very much Ms. Shandon Nelson, from Natchitoches, La.
2/23/2010 11:40:16 AM
Joy Seadore United States
Joy Seadore
I attend a christian based recovery from drugs and alcohol group, and thursday nights there is a women only meeting and we are going thru the 5 love lang singles and we are on words of affirmation also. It is really cool to hear from the ladies how they are applying it in their lives and how working on loving ourselfs and loving others really helps us work our recovery also. We are working towards a God centered life!

Joy Seadore, from Turlock CA
2/23/2010 12:29:29 PM
Laura Bartram United States
Laura Bartram
The quiz results say that my love language is "love of affirmation". But I feel that is only half true though. I think my other love language is "physical touch" I just love to be touched by him..holding hands, hugging or kissing. Even sitting close to hm.. God has blessed me greatly!
2/23/2010 5:59:46 PM
Sarah United States
I heard this this morning on KLove and my jaw dropped! This explains so much! My fiancee and I def speak different love languages. I think he speaks with actions because he'll do sweet things for me, and I appreciate this but I need the affirmations! Haha, I love when he gets me flowers or makes me dinner but when he says I'm beautiful I flip! And once he said my breath smelled of garlic, oh my, and I almost cried! I know it's over dramatic but I was so hurt! This explains so much! Thanks KLove
2/24/2010 3:45:09 AM
Lana Collier United States
Lana Collier
Was listening to you on the way home from work.My husband and I are taking a marriage class. Where we just took the love language test. My love language is physical touch then quality time. whereas, my husbands is quality time then physical touch.Gifts is the last on the list of the five. But knowing this does help us both greatly.
God Bless you both
2/25/2010 3:16:11 PM
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2/26/2010 9:44:37 AM
Ann United States
I thought that the test was designed to enlighten me as to how I showed love to others around me not how I needed to know that I'm loved.
However, I was not surprised to find out that my love language is Words of Affirmation. After being in a verbally abusive marrage when I was younger, I am now happily married to a man who encourages me through his words and actions.  Any time he leaves me a note or tells me how proud he is of me, I feel my heart soar.  It always amazes me how simple words can be used to build up or tear down and can sometimes hurt even worse than physical blows.
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