If you have had trouble relating to your parents, or a parent has been absent in your life, Dr. Meier has some great advice how to handle the situation. Any time you have a question to ask Dr. Meier, please ask. He is more than happy to answer your questions!
Here is the advice Dr. Meier shared with Alice today:
Dear Dr. Meier, I am a single professional woman who loves KLOVE and gets a lot of encouragement from Scott and Kelli and the wonderful music they choose. But my heart is heavy today because my Dad died last week. He totally rejected my mother and me when I was just an infant, with very little contact since then. But I am grieving more for him than I even did for my awesome and loving mother who died over a year ago. How could that happen? Sincerely, Alice
When you grow up with an absent or rejecting parent, most people will develop a stronger and stronger fantasy that some day, that particular parent will repent and come through and love you the way you deserved to be loved your entire life. You have so much to offer to that rejecting parent, but he (or she) does not ever recognize that, and devotes himself to the “fool’s gold” that the rat race of life offers, missing out on the pure gold of a loving relationship with his own child. So when the absent parent dies, the FANTASY DIES TOO, and THAT is what you are grieving.
The solution is to realize that there are seven billion people on planet earth, and your father was just one of them—YOUR GENE DONOR. You don’t need his acceptance any more than you need the acceptance of MY father, or that I need the acceptance of your father. So go ahead and grieve the death of your fantasy, but realize that you DO need to love and be loved by substitute fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters. The church is a good place to find them, but other close friends will help you too. Psalm 68 teaches us that God takes the lonely and places us in substitute families.
Paul Meier MD
If you'd like to listen to our conversation with Dr. Meier, click here.