Dr. Paul Meier on avoiding holiday stress

My husband and I have made a bold decision to not participate in gift giving this year.  We will not be giving gifts to our children either.  We have received some heavy criticism regarding our decision, but we have been convicted by the Holy Spirit to change the way we celebrate the birthday of Christ our King.  In the past we have felt like the hustle and bustle of shopping, wrapping, sorting, and delivering only occupies our time.  We felt incredibly empty after all the time we devoted toward our efforts.  When our children are older and the word "Christmas" comes to their minds we want them to think of Jesus; serving the needy, the poor, the lonely and the widowed.  We want to do what Jesus would do-give to those who need.  We have an enormous peace with our decision and realize we are being bold and swimming upstream, but we are excited to be bold for our God.  We are excited to spend Christmas Day and part of the Christmas season giving the love we have in our hearts to the world instead of using our precious time creating unneeded stress for us.  

I just wanted to THANK YOU for the information you shared earlier about spending the Holidays with abusive people.  I am struggling unbelievably with my son (34 years old) and could write a short novel of how we have come to this place.  The bottom line is that he is abusive to me, and has been for a very long time. I grew up in an abusive home and have spent several years working on understanding abuse, setting boundaries, etc., but when it comes to my son, I have incredible mixed emotions and guilt, having raised him as a single mother. His father walked out of my son's life after inflicting much abuse on my son and me. Yes, there's a pattern...I'm still a work in progress - Praise the Lord!  I believe it is the Lord who wanted me to hear you today. I have recently written my son a letter letting him know how I truly feel about our relationship - not an abusive, guilt ridden, blaming type of letter, but expressing my feelings.  I have taken so much abuse from him that I cannot take any more no matter how much I love him.  I've prayed about it for a long time, and writing seemed the best way to communicate with someone who doesn't allow you to express feelings verbally.  I continue to pray about so many things concerning our relationship, and with the Holidays approaching, I've really been struggling with where I find myself with all of this and not really wanting to spend the Holidays with him.  Thank you for your words of validation on this subject.  I'm not usually home early, and I don't always turn on the radio right away when I get home.  When I turned it on, there you were, saying what I've needed to hear - possibly what God wanted me to hear - it jumped out at me like a waive in the midst of my business.  Thank you and God bless you for what you do to inspire me and so many others. Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

Thank you for speaking of anniversary illness. I have been feeling so very sad this month and I realized as soon as you spoke of it that I am grieving my mother who passed away on December 9,2006. It was a horrible time for our family and I tend to stuff my feelings during these months. You reminded me to let it out so I can feel better.

My mom has had many thanksgiving disasters. One year she decided to go to the store an hour before dinner on thanksgiving, thinking that she would be home before the family got there. Well the family came over 1 hour later but there was no food and no mom. One hour later my mom comes home with groceries and than started cooking. We ate at about 11:00pm that night. People started leaving at about 1:30am the next morning. I am not exagerating!!!!

I have been married for fifteen years and have only enjoyed one thanksgiving and only very few christmases. I believe my husband is mentally ill with a bipolar(manic) disorder I will never know for sure of course, because (in his mind) he is fine and I am the one with "issues". I grew up in a poor family and I had often expressed to my husband that as a child I hated not being able to buy presants for my siblings so through out our marraige he has made sure he did all the christmas shopping for our childeren to continue to steal that joy from me(as he has the money). Now that our marriage is deteriated to the verge of divorce he makes sure the childeren know that the gifts are from him and not from me. My heart aches for a holiday that isn't filled with nasty looks and condencending comments. There is no escaping stress being married to a mentally ill person it is year round and magnified on the holidays.  I remember my childhood and long for the days that not having money for presants was my only concern. As bad as I may sound for saying this but I wonder if him following through on his treats of divorce would be Gods deliverance from my life of torment.  I'm sorry that I can't be encouraging we serve such a awsome God and I know He can use even this to glorify Himself.  I hope that day comes soon.  For anyone who has a life like mine know that you are not alone and God has made you Beautiful don't believe the Lies.