MOTHER'S DAY

Mothers are God's gift to help us bloomfom the womb to the tomb no earthly mortal will love us more than mom.... Happy Mothers Day!!! John Thomas Kopshina II Christian Books & Flowers & More Pennsboro West Virginia 3046593000

Thank you for sharing this. It caused me to take a few minutes to ponder my relationships with my kids and my mom. I am blessed today, being sober, to be able to participate in the lives of my children. To be 'present' for them is such a gift.

Growing up, I had a mother who was wrapped up in personal drama at all times with my dad. They are good people who spent my childhood creating drama and chaos through alcoholism. I love my mom, very much but it is sad that there is no memory, not one that I can recall that makes me think, "She enjoyed that moment with me." And I didn't have moments that I enjoyed with her. Though I know she loved me in her heart. She just did not have the capability of the actions of love because her primary feelings were likely guilt, shame and remorse. My earliest memories are of violence and rage. (The only peaceful moments I have in memory are of times spent with my paternal Grandmother... The one who taught me about God and taught me how to pray). Every picture of my mother and I, in fact every picture of her with anyone is sad because her smile is terse and does not meet her eyes. Forced.

Today, as a recovered alcoholic, I have a new perspective on my life as the child of alcoholic parents. I always knew I would never bring up my children in a chaotic home, but little did I know, I did not know any other way. I and they were blessed to have several formative years to bond before the chaos of alcoholism became our life. Then I spent several years creating and engaging in chaos. My children suffering the fallout. My children have many memories of a mother who could not be 'present', who could not engage in their lives. Today, I am a bigger part of their lives than I ever expected to be when I got sober and began working a 12 step program. Last night, we all, along with their friends, sat around the fire pit making s'mores. When they left to bring one of the friends home, I went into the house to clean up a little. When I was done picking up and sat on the couch, I got the most wonderful text I ever have received. My kids were all back home and I got a text that said, "Come back outside!" Wow. I have teenagers who WANT to hang out with their mother!

I know that our early formative, bonding years are a big part of why they want me around. They have those memories of when I was able to show them love and be nurturing. I look back now on my years growing up in chaos and while I still don't have peaceful and joyous memories, I can honestly say that she did the best she could. She did not know any better. She grew up in the same chaos. How could she know?

Today, through the blessing of understanding and forgiveness; I love my mother the best way I know how. My mother is still active in her addiction, so I practice 'detachment with love'. I treat her with love and respect and I ask God to open my heart in order that I can feel the warmth towards her that my kids feel towards me.  

As I was typing this I just got another text. This one from my step-son.... I have to preface this with what it was like for him growing up.... This wonderful young man also, along with his sister, were brought up in our chaos. Their mother, filled with anger because their father left her when she began a relationship with another, told those kids I did not love them and that I was bringing their father to hell. (I have never held any of that against her, as she is not well). And their father, filled with guilt because the kids had to endure this from their mother, would scream and yell at me because the kids were out of control and he was alcoholic and unable to be responsible. He screamed things like, "You HATE my kids and that is why they are the way they are!" Soon, the environment became chaotic with every adult in their lives because I was not well either and instead of leaving the relationship, I began to drink and soon was caught up in alcoholism. Those two step kids of mine grew up believing that I did hate them... My step daughter and I are testing the water a bit now. Trying to have a relationship that is difficult. I don't push. I let her call the shots.

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect a relationship with my step son. Never, never. Before he left home recently for the armed service, he had a couple of years to get to know me sober. Through amends and forgiveness, he has come to love me and though I have always loved him, today I can show him. We talk regularly and he slowly has come to trust me with his thoughts and feelings. Well, the text I just got from him was "Happy Mothers Day. I love you!"
WOW! I am truly blessed.

I pray that my kids, will be able to look back on their lives with me and have some of those memories of love and nurture, peace and contentment. All I can do now is do my best to show them every day how much I love them. And of course, to show my mother that I love her so that she can have peace in the knowledge that regardless of everything, I am ok and that she and I can have more than a superficial relationship.

God Bless and again, thank you for sharing this.