Jan 20 2010

Love Dare - Day 15

Love is Honorable

 

Live with your wives in an understanding way … and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.  – 1 Peter 3:7

 

There are certain words in our language that have powerful meanings.  Whenever these words are used, an air of respect is associated with them.  These words never lose their timeless quality, class, and dignity.  One of these will be our focus for today.  It is the word honor.

 

To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. When you speak to them, you keep your language clean and understandable. You are courteous and polite.  When they speak to you, you take them seriously, giving their words weight and significance.  When they ask you to do something, you accommodate them if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are. 

 

The Bible tells us to “honor” our father and mother, as well as those in authority.  It is a call to acknowledge the position or value of someone else.  Honor is a noble word.

 

This is especially true in marriage.  Honoring your mate means giving him or her your full attention, not talking to them from behind a newspaper or with one eye on the television. When decisions are being made that affect both of you or your whole family, you give your mate’s voice and opinion equal influence in your mind.  You honor what they have to say.  They matter – and because of the way you treat them, they should know it.

 

But there’s another word that calls us to a higher place, a word that isn’t often equated with marriage, though its relevance cannot be understated.  It’s a word that actually forms the basis for honor – the very reason why we give respect and high regard to our husband or wife.  That word is holy.

 

To say to your mate should be “holy” to you doesn’t mean that he or she is perfect. Holiness means they are set apart for a higher purpose – no longer common or everyday but special and unique.  A person who has become holy to you has a place no one can rival in your heart.  He or she is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised, and defended.

 

A bride treats her wedding dress this way.  After wearing it on her special day, she covers and protects it, then sets it apart from everything else in her closet. You won’t catch her in it when she’s working in the yard or going out on the town.  Her wedding dress has value all its own. In this way, it is holy and sacred to her.

 

When two people marry, each spouse becomes “holy” to each other by way of “holy matrimony.”  This means no other person in the whole world is supposed to enjoy this level of commitment and endearment from you. Your relationship is like no other.  Your share physical intimacy with only her, only him.  You establish a home with this person.  You bear your children with this person.  Your heart, your possessions, your life itself is to be wrapped up in the uncommon bond you share with this one in individual.

 

Is that the way it is in your marriage?  Would your mate say you honor and respect them?  Do you consider them set apart and highly valued?  Holy?

 

Perhaps you don’t feel this way and maybe for good reason.  Perhaps you wish some outsider could see the level of disrespect you get from your wife or husband – someone who would make your mate feel embarrassed to be exposed for who they really are behind closed doors.

 

But that’s not the issue with love.  Love honors even when it’s rejected.  Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return.

 

It’s marvelous, of course, when a husband and wife are joined in this purpose, when they’re following the biblical command to be “devoted to one another” in love, when they’re giving “preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10).  “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure” (Hebrews 13:4 NIV).

 

But when your attempts at honor go unreciprocated, you are to give honor just the same.  That’s what love dares to do – to say, “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most.  Of all the things I’m willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults – past and present – I will choose to love and honor you.”  That’s how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled.  That’s how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled.  That’s how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again.  And that’s the beauty of honor.

 

 

Today’s Dare

 

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.  It may be holding the door for her.  It might be putting his clothes away for him.  It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication.  Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

 

 

I will also honor them and they will not be insignificant.  (Jeremiah 30:19)

 

Click here to buy a copy of The Love Dare book.  

Click here for a free online journal for the full 40 day challenge.

 

Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.

 

 

 

 

Comments (28) -

1/20/2010 5:46:07 AM
Broken Hearted United States
Broken Hearted
Several days ago I shared that I had found out that my husband had an affair.  I wasn't sure I could continue to read the Dares.  But I have.  I haven't been fighting fair but I am aware of that.  Today's info really has hit home.  I know that I have not shown him respect.  He has not kept our relationship holy. We have much to repair.  I am praying that we can.  Please pray for us.  I need others to hold us up now because I can't.
1/20/2010 6:41:33 AM
Jenn Bingoooooooo United States
Jenn Bingoooooooo
This one brought tears to my eyes.

"Love honors even when it’s rejected.  Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return."

Just when I was thinking my heart just truly wasn't in it anymore because of all of the rejection. Thank you God for this today.

1/20/2010 6:55:33 AM
Navy Sailor, Wife and Mother United States
Navy Sailor, Wife and Mother
Just like stated from others, today's dare brought tears to my eyes... after all we've been through...

I pray for you "Broken Hearted". Be strong, keep on with The Love Dare...

"Jenn Bingoooo" beautifully put... this is an amazing journey for all of us... God bless you all (and please pray for all of us).
1/20/2010 7:03:31 AM
Ellen United States
Ellen
As much as I love the messages each day, I'm that much more disappointed when I get to the end and read the "dare." It almost reads like one of the authors wrote the body of the day's message, and then the other author wrote the dare. Very weak and kind of lame in comparison.

I'm inspired overall, don't get me wrong! I think I'll just skip that last bolded paragraph from now on. Smile
1/20/2010 7:21:57 AM
hopeful United States
hopeful
Dear brokenhearted,

you are not alone in your situation. I am facing the same situation in my marriage. It's tough. God's strength alone is what gets me through the day. Continue to pray for your husband. The Bible calls us to pray without ceasing, so pursue God relentlessly until God answers your prayers. You will be lifted up in prayer today.
1/20/2010 7:41:24 AM
Amber G United States
Amber G
Hi there,
I posted yesterday for the first time about this love dare. I was the "19 year old" post! Well right after I posted that, I left my Flash Drive in a computer at the library...unfortunately, someone quickly stole it. The interesting thing is that on that flash drive is a folder, named "Love Dare" and it is a person journal to Jake which i wrote about yesterday. I pray and hope that God can use this situation-someone might learn something about love and honoring others!Smile
1/20/2010 7:47:24 AM
Annette United States
Annette
I really don't understand why I come back and do this everyday. My husband won't participate. Told me last night that he doesn't do anything wrong in our marriage. Everything that is wrong with it is caused by me.

I am in counseling, on anti-depressants because I would rather die than feel this pain in my heart I have felt since September, I pray every day, I do this Love Dare and yet my marriage is still suffering.

I am tired of my husband caring more about his "friend's" feelings than my own. Or the amount of time he gets to talk to her on a daily basis. I am tired of him not understanding how much hurt and pain I live with everyday because he makes it painfully clear what is truly important to him.

And then has the gall to tell me he does nothing wrong in our marriage. I guess his way of showing love is making sure I get a kiss when he leaves in the morning and comes home, getting a kiss when we go to bed, the cuddling on the couch when watching tv if he feels like it. Where is the card that says the perfect word? Where is the call in the middle of the day just to say I love you? Where is any of the ways he showed me he loved me before? And why do all these people tell me if this other person bothers me so much, he should tell her that it hurts me too much and he cares too much about me to continue to hurt me so he can't talk to her anymore. But yet, he doesn't understand that. He'd rather see me hurt all the time.

Let Go, Let God ~ I've been doing this for so long and still in pain, still want to die. When does it finally end?
1/20/2010 8:03:33 AM
Concerned United States
Concerned
Wondering why Jeremiah 30:19 is taken out of context.
1/20/2010 8:19:22 AM
Healing heart United States
Healing heart
I understand your pain. My husband has a porn addiction and I have suspected many affairs, but all were denied. But in my Spirit, I know. I prayed for many years to "catch him" and have my proof so that I can leave. Then one day, I heard God say,"No. Do not leave." So I stay. He has tried many times to demand that I leave, but until I get a release from God, I will stay. My faith in a living , healing God has sustained me. He has healed my heart from all resentment and bitterness and brokeness. He calls me His Beloved. He has shown me that I have only my heart to work on. I cannot change my husbands or anyone else's. Only mine. So I keep my focus on Him and remain in Him and He works on my husband. I have been set free from that pressure. This past year has been a year of healing in my marriage. It has been an absolute turn around for us. I can see that He is working on us. It is a long journey, but it is worth the pain. Once you get on the other side.
Jesus never took the easy path. He choose the hardest life possible. So why would we expect as easier path? He said He would never leave us or forsake us. He is our strength and our protector. No weapon formed against us shall prosper in the name of Jesus. Trust Him. For what the enemy intends for evil, the Lord turns around for His good. Praise Him in your storm. He is faithful!
The biggest witness for my husband is my joy and peace in the vulgarities he has thrown my way. He has seen my faith only become stronger in the Lord. And I chose to forgive him, although he has never asked. I choose to treat him respectfully and honor him. It is hard, and my flesh fights it. But I have seen God work in my marriage. That is proof enough to keep on going.
1/20/2010 8:27:24 AM
forgiven United States
forgiven
Dear brokenhearted, I unfortunately am the unfaithful one in my relationship.  I surrendered my will 27 days ago and am finally feeling set free of my attraction/addiction to another man.  The Love Dare has taught me that I was missing much needed NEEDS in my marriage that I was seeking elsewhere.  This was NOT intentional.  I am falling back in LOVE with my husband because I have set God back FIRST in my life.  He has my heart...and I hope that he will eventually will trust me again.  God does...He never left, I did.  
1/20/2010 8:36:11 AM
SC CA girl United States
SC CA girl
Your comments are so heart-felt.  I've experienced betrayal and shame over 3 years ago with my husband.  The level to which things were covered up was the most 'unhonorable' thing I ever experienced and thought life would never be the same.  I was right- life hasn't been the same.  God has brought me to many places of grace- first by honoring my LORD, my only provider, when I knew my husband couldn't measure up in my eyes.  Slowly, and surely, God's grace is covering both me AND my husband.  We are working on it together.  It's tough, Brokenhearted, I truly feel your pain.  But, God will carry you, even when you can't figure out how to lift up your arms to Him, HE will carry you.  You are in my prayers today.  The Love Dare has been a step of faith for me.  It's truly not a feeling (love), I've learned, it's one action after another.  God bless and prayers to Ellen, too.  
1/20/2010 9:32:42 AM
Robin United States
Robin
How do you handle it when no matter what you say or how you honor your spouse, he asks me for a Legal Separation or Divorce every time.  I've been hearing this for 25 years and I am worn out.  I am ready to grant him his wish to leave the marriage. he is a heavy drinker and has the beginning signs of Liver Failure.  I worry about him so.  I realize most of the time it is the alcohol talking, but I'm at wits end. what should I do now?
1/20/2010 10:11:32 AM
Jenn Bingoooooooo United States
Jenn Bingoooooooo
Broken Hearted,

I have been through what you are going through. Know this, there is a way to keep going and be restored.

My prayers are with you.

I've been doing a combination of the Love Dare and reading the book Love & Respect. That book has been such an eye opener to the respect part that men need. It may also help you, go to their site and they have free videos to watch. www.loveandrespect.com

I would always throw the affairs up when we fought. Yesterday we could see the Love Dare taught us it wasn't fair.
Although I can't control his actions or say that I made him do what he did in any way. After starting the Love & Respect book I can see why so many things in our marriage escalated to the point they have gotten. I am taking full responsibility for ME and the ways I treated my husband and not pointing all of the fingers at him anymore.
1/20/2010 10:57:29 AM
mfaith311 United States
mfaith311
To those of you who are brokenhearted, give your brokeness to the Only one who can repair it. Jesus Christ my Savior. It won't be easy to keep up with the love dares daily.. PRESS ON !! Do not give in to your feeling, Rise above them. Pray for yourself and your mate. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son to Whosoever (the brokenhearted and the one who broke the heart) believeth on Him shall not perish (give in ) but have eternal life.(one day at a time)To Him I pray for you both Ms.Martha
1/20/2010 11:14:09 AM
Taylor United States
Taylor
Dear Brokenhearted,
I want to you know that I will be uplifting you and your husband in prayer.  I am sorry for your pain.  Keep reading these dares everyday.  Jesus is the healer of the brokenhearted!!

Dear Ellen,
I can understand where you are coming from.  The messages are powerful and meaningful and are helping many people and their marriages.  I think Brokenhearted is an example of that..  But remeber that it's the little things in life that make life great, that put a smile on someones face, that makes someone who feels invisible know that they matter.  


Todays dare can be used for anyone and lots of different situations.
1/20/2010 12:57:51 PM
Sal United States
Sal
Dear Hopeful and broken hearted my prayers are with you and your spouses.  Don't give up, God never gives up on us no matter what we do.  Try to be like him.
1/20/2010 1:46:21 PM
juley United States
juley
I just wanted to share my Love Dare story. My husband & I are 30 years old.  We have been married for 10 years and together for 15 years.  We have always loved & treated each other as if today was the FIRST day we met AND the LAST day we had to spend together. That way we are loving whole-heartedly! We also celebrate (actually go on a date) our dating anniversary as well as our marriage anniversary which gives us two times a year to reflect on our relationship and keep it going in the right direction!  Most importantly, we believe that GOD chose us as soulmates and completely planned our lives!  
1/20/2010 3:43:07 PM
Hurt United States
Hurt
I too was moved by todays dare. When my wife gets mad she begins to curse and I hate it. I withdraw myself from her. It is a huge turn off when a woman let alone my wife cusses. I have been very hurt and direspected by her yet I continue to love her. I have been blessed by God and will try my hardest not to let my emotions or heart get in the way of God's plan for us. Please pray for our marriage as well. Things are very difficult just as any marriage and we are new at this. Please, please, please be in prayer for us. Thank you!
1/20/2010 4:23:04 PM
Keith United States
Keith
Day 15 is and was Difficult.

I have reflected most of the day and at first and I did not see the rejection that is present in my marriage. Unfortunately, I often think I am due respect because of all the material and physical things I due on any given day.  What’s wrong with that? This is how my father treated my mother. He was a provider, so am I?

I am not sure what I can give that is unique and that she wants and needs. So, I looked over and over at this dare and reflected how I could show honor. Then God made it clear… my gorgeous beautiful lovely wife Kimberly needs a different kind of respect. She needs me to listen! Communicate and be genuine! Earn her honor, and above all, show her the attention she deserves! She may reject this… she may think I am desperate… it might take a while to soften and change her heart! God and I know she is WORTH IT.

I wrote this in my Love Dare book last September.  My wife and I were having extreme marriage problems.  I had extreme depression and was diagnosed ADHD at 46 years of age. On a Friday, late in September, I could not take the pain and I was losing my soul mate! I was close to suicide that day and I had a plan to end it. For some reason I prayed to God at that moment and asked him to give us the unconditional love he has shown her and I. After the prayer, God told me to call her…I told God it would be a very bad…things would be said…it would get ugly!  God softened my wife’s heart and got me help. She showed me honor and respect and listened to me in my angry state. I said very hurtful hasty things but she listened…I am sure she didn’t like or love me very much that day but she stood by my side. Things became clear. This is what honor and respect looks like!!! The next several months were unbearable at times. I strived, I was rejected, but I listened, I communicated, and truly completed that Love Dare during the first week of October, the week of my anniversary.  This book was written by man but I have no doubt that this book is God inspired. I have used this book off and on over the past three months and I plan to keep His first institution close to my heart, rejected or not.

God be praised, I truly honor and listen to her to this day. She is a beautiful caring woman that God has given me.

God also has told me to honor and cherish her but keep Me first and I will bless your marriage.

I will God, thank You for the lesson!
Keith


1/20/2010 4:29:36 PM
Deanna United States
Deanna
Yesterday's Dare seemed easy, but today's dare also brought tears to my eyes.  My husband and I are currently seperated after 15 years of marriage.  Reading the Love Dare messages every day has been an eye opener for me.  I have been so busy focusing on HIS faults, and everything he does wrong, when I should have been looking at myself.  It makes me so sad to realize how long it has taken me to see a clear picture.  God works in very mysterious ways and can make anything happen.  Keep your hearts open, that is all I can say.
1/20/2010 5:33:20 PM
Stephanie Shumaker United States
Stephanie Shumaker
I own 'Fireproof' and have wanted The Love Dare; this is awesome!  I've been doing them as best as I can (lack of $ for a few) and have discovered that I've been doing some of them already, but have now been working to put some 'oomph' into them; I love either listening for the new dare on while driving or checking the website.  I do feel that my relationship w/my husband, who's unsaved, is improving.
1/20/2010 5:59:11 PM
Broken Hearted United States
Broken Hearted
Thank you for all your comments.  I have felt the power of prayer today.  The images in my mind weren't quite so rampant.  Please keep praying
1/21/2010 4:13:06 PM
yeny United States
yeny
mmmmm...
this is getting tobe harder than I thought it would be , rejection is by far the most felt feeling of all, today I did not send my partner a single text, after sending multiple texts day after day and telling him all the things the dares state, I have become tired and feel like giving up? I think he is still seeing somebody else and the thought that he is spending his time reading her texts and answering her calls do take my peace away. I know that I can't change him but I can pray for him, I am very hurt and tired of the situation... I type as tears pour down my cheeks and ask where did I go wrong? when do I get off this train? My daughter is growing up and by no means do I want her to think that beingn separated, is the way a marriage should function.PLease pray for me and my husband we need it badly.

Yeny
1/21/2010 4:13:33 PM
yeny United States
yeny
mmmmm...
this is getting tobe harder than I thought it would be , rejection is by far the most felt feeling of all, today I did not send my partner a single text, after sending multiple texts day after day and telling him all the things the dares state, I have become tired and feel like giving up? I think he is still seeing somebody else and the thought that he is spending his time reading her texts and answering her calls do take my peace away. I know that I can't change him but I can pray for him, I am very hurt and tired of the situation... I type as tears pour down my cheeks and ask where did I go wrong? when do I get off this train? My daughter is growing up and by no means do I want her to think that beingn separated, is the way a marriage should function.PLease pray for me and my husband we need it badly.

Yeny
1/25/2010 1:47:28 PM
Stacy United States
Stacy
To Annette-

You are sad, but maybe I can help, maybe not. You stated the following:
"I guess his way of showing love is making sure I get a kiss when he leaves in the morning and comes home, getting a kiss when we go to bed, the cuddling on the couch when watching tv if he feels like it."
I haven't gotten a kiss from my husband before he leaves for work in months. I have even addressed this with him, and if he doesn't "feel like doing it, he's not going to". Ditto for the evening hours. My husband sleeps on the couch every night. He has excused himself from our marriage and tells me the same thing that your husband tells you...I don't even get cuddling on the couch. Be thankful for what you have! He is still participating, kind of. I'm sure you aren't the cause of every problem, so pray to God and ask him to change your heart. I know patience is the hardest thing. It will happen and God may be asking you to examine something about yourself that He believes you need to deal with.
Chin up and I will pray for you! Just remember, it could be worse.
2/4/2010 10:09:45 AM
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