Jan 30 2010

Love Dare - Day 25

 

Love Forgives

 

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. – 2 Corinthians 2:10

 

 

This one is tough – perhaps the toughest dare in the book.  But if there is to be any hope for your marriage, this is a challenge that must absolutely be taken seriously.  Counselors and ministers who deal with broken couples on a regular basis will tell you that this is the most complex problem of all, a rupture that is often the last to be repaired.  It cannot just be considered and contemplated but must be deliberately put into practice.  Forgiveness has to happen, or a successful marriage won’t.

 

Jesus painted a vivid image of forgiveness in His parable of the ungrateful servant.  A man who owed a sizable sum of money was surprised when his master heard his appeals for mercy and totally canceled his debt.  But upon being released from this enormous load, the servant did a most unexpected thing; he went to another man who owed him a much smaller amount and demanded immediate payment.  When the master heard of it, things changed dramatically in his arrangement with the slave.  “His lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him” (Matthew 18:34).  A day that had begun with joy and relief ended in grief and hopelessness.

 

Torture. Prison. When you think of unforgiveness, this is what should come to your mind, for Jesus said, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of does not forgive his brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).

 

Imagine you find yourself in a prison-like setting.  As you look around, you see a number of cells visible from where you’re standing.  You see people from your past incarcerated there – people who wounded you as a child.  You see people you once called friends but who wronged you at some point in life.  You might see one or both of your parents there, perhaps a brother or sister or some other family member.  Even your spouse is locked in nearby, trapped with all the others in this jail of your own making.

 

This prison, you see, is a room in your own heart.  This dark, drafty, depressing chamber exists inside you every day.  But not far away, Jesus is standing there, extending to you a key that will release every inmate.

 

No. You don’t want any part of it.  These people have hurt you too badly.  They knew what they were doing and yet they did it anyway – even your spouse, the one you should have been able to count on most of all.  So you resist and turn away.  You’re unwilling to stay here any longer – seeing Jesus, seeing the key in His hand, knowing what He’s asking you to do.  It’s just too much.

 

But in trying to escape, you make a startling discovery.  There is no way out.  You’re trapped inside with all other captives.  Your unforgiveness, anger, and bitterness have made a prisoner of you as well.  Like the servant in Jesus’ story, who was forgiven an impossible debt, you have chosen not to forgive and have been handed over to the jailers and torturers.  Your freedom is now dependent on your forgiveness.

 

Coming to this conclusion usually takes us a while. We see all kinds of dangers and risks involved in forgiving others.  For instance, what they did was really wrong, whether they admit it or  not.  They may not even be sorry about it.  They may feel perfectly justified in their actions, even going so far as to blame you for it.  But forgiveness doesn’t absolve anyone of blame.  It doesn’t clear their record with God.  It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.  When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose.  You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way.  You’re saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to prevail in this situation.  It’s not about winning and losing anymore. It’s about freedom.  It’s about letting go.

 

That’s why you often hear people who have genuinely forgiven say, “It felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.”  Yes, that’s exactly what it is.  It’s like a breath of fresh air rushing into your hear.  The stale dankness of the prison house is flooded with light and coolness.  For the first time in a long time, you feel at peace.  You feel free.

 

But how do you do it?  You release your anger and the responsibility for judging this person to the Lord.  “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

 

How do you know you’ve done it?  You know it when the thought of their name or the sight of their face – rather than causing your blood to boil – causes you to feel sorry for them instead, to pity them, to genuinely hope they get this turned around.

 

There’s so much more that could be said and so many emotional issues you may need to fight through to get there.  But great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep “no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

 

 

Today’s Dare

 

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go.  Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

 

Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.  (Luke 23:34).

 

 

Click here to buy a copy of The Love Dare book.  

Click here for a free online journal for the full 40 day challenge.

 

Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission.  Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.

Comments (28) -

1/30/2010 1:44:11 AM
Michael Corbin United States
Michael Corbin
I have to file for seperation. I have no garuntee my wife won't leave with our newborn. She is at her Mom's. I can only see her an hour a day, and only as long as my mother in law says so. I have wresteled with this, it puts a definate wall between Shira and I. But our daughter Zoe Lee Corbin, born 1-27-10, Has to be my priority now and california doesn't let me file custody or visitation orders without divorce or seperation. My Wife and I were working things out until the day after Zoe was born, then her Mom stepped in.I was there when she was born, I cut the cord, I was there for 17 hours taking care of her while shira rested, then when her mom got her home (we were very temporarily seperated) everything changed. Even though things ahd been better between us than they had in a while, and the Love Dares had helped so much. I am not angry at her, I am trying not to be at her mom. Help please, I don't know what to do.I am praying, I am looking for advice. For God's answer to come. I have let Shira go, there is nothing I can do except follow God and hope He heals my Marriage, But Zoe is my daughter, I feel I have to fight to ensure I am in her Life even if  Shira and I don't reconcile. I have to fight for my daughter, I just don't know if this is a "be more paitent than humans should be able to"(which I have to say that His peace, truely passes all understanding, everyone I see tells me they would be killing mad, and I feel like I should but know that I am doing the right thing by releasing it all to God. I have to forgive Shira and her Mom about 35,342 times a day. But not because I am angry, but so I don't become angry. ) or a "prepare for the thief coming to steal and destroy" moment. Righteous anger seems more fit for one further removed from the strong human side as myself. I do not wish to legally seperate from or divorce my wife, yet I don't know what else I can do to protect my right to raise my child. Her family is secular jewish, they do alot of customs but mostly just lipservice, but Shiras' mom is extreamly anti christian and shira went with me to church a few times, but has not been spoken to or called by God as of yet, but I pray. Help me anyone.
1/30/2010 3:55:17 AM
corina United States
corina
well, this doesn't come as a surprise to me. i have a brother in law that is one who is in my "jail". in fact i would consider him to be in the solitary confinement area in my heart. i have him in a spot no one else fits. sometimes it might have his wife, my sister, there too. i prayed tonight and had a chat with God bout the situation and decided to go to Klove and read the love dare. i never have read online cuz i have the book. and sure enough the Lord spoke right to me. i thank God that He hears and forgives and helps me to forgive. this is something that has been for years; and is a common thing to recur with my bro and sis. i know i need to completely let go, forgive "70 times 7" and let the Lord deal accordingly so i can have peace.
1/30/2010 4:04:04 AM
No name United States
No name
this really has hit home today. I don't think i have really forgiven my husband for his unfaithfullness and for quitting his job without another one to go to. So today im going to ask the Lord to help me forgive him as the Lord has forgiven me. I would like for everyone to keep praying for me and my family, im praying for everyone on here also.
1/30/2010 7:42:34 AM
Michelle United States
Michelle
Christine,  If you are talking to me, there isn't a book that will help your husband that I know of.  What I was commenting on earlier in the week is that at B&N and Walmart you will find the couples "Love Dare" book.  If you go to a Christian book store you will find the "Love Dare" mentioned in the movie.  If you spouse is difficult do the second one.  If will guide you toward praying for him and seeking your heavenly father in a deeper and more intimate manner - I hope.  I haven't purchased that one.  I couldn't find it at first.  I got the couples one and it is more a devotional, than a 'love dare'.  It doesn't say for couples, but it doesn't challenge you to do acts of love.
1/30/2010 8:02:39 AM
Carie United States
Carie
WOW....this is going to be the hardest for me by far. THere is so much I am keeping in and preventing me from bring "TRULY" happy with my fiance. I just keep thinking "what if it happens again" and as soon as I can let go of what has happened and the past and give a renewed trust we will be complete
1/30/2010 8:22:07 AM
Bev United States
Bev
to Chesney (about yesterdays comment)
YES, you can revise this dare for your boys!!! All of these concepts are from God.  He is the master of good and possitive relationsips.  He wants you and your children to know the truth.  You can do it.  Your children need you to help them see these truths.  Ask God to help you.  God bless you,  I will pray for you.
1/30/2010 9:03:34 AM
lettylt United States
lettylt
Michael, speaking from experience, don't fight what's going with you and your wife.  Trust God in this situation even if it seems hopeless.  Be an example of God's love to your wife and her family.  Time and prayer will heal everything and you'll see that God will intervene on your behalf if you let him totally guide you.  Stay focused on Him and read your bible and pray as much as possible, surround yourself with Christian friends who will give you good advice and don't listen to anyone who speaks negative things into your heart.  Focus all your energy on seeking God and you'll see how He alone will work everything out for you.  God Bless  
1/30/2010 9:11:16 AM
a mom who loves her daughter United States
 a mom who loves her daughter
God sent this page to me today! It is amazing how he works. I was so mad yesterday and today, that I have literally made myself sick. My relationship with my daughter over the years is tough! I've tried everything but forgiveness! God showed me today as I was driving to the bank, and I switched the radio station of K-Love, and there I heard these words, "We must forgive",and I know it was sent to me directly.It then said that if I wanted to know more to come to K-Love on line and here I am. I've never been on this page before or heard of the Love Dare, even though I listen to K-Love in the afternoons when I am driving. Thank you K-Love for being there! Thank you God for showing me what I need to do! I am crying but I have never felt such joy! Now I just need to wait patiently to know next what to do and say to her.
1/30/2010 9:28:24 AM
Michael United States
Michael
We made it this far but I don't know if we will last as vowed to. My heart and prayers go out to all who comment on this. I have been doing the Love Dare with my wife for the second time with KLOVE and told her about it on day one, and was excited about it. I am the only one doing it as well as many others on this blog. When I asked if we could do it together, or at least do day 1 together, she told me to just worry about myself and fix myself. I KNOW I can't change anyone but myself and I try and try to accomodate and make her happy daily. I even got her the book on "Have a New Husband by Friday: change his communication, attitude, and behavior in 5 days." She refused to open it. I scheduled marriage counseling for Feb 11 and she said to have fun going because she refuses to go. She is taking a shower now, just finished yelling at me for using a towel from the closet instead of the one hanging. I tried to explain that last time I used the one hanging she yelled at me for using her towel and I didn't want to upset her. While explaining, she said I was having a coniption and pathetic. I just kept saying I love you, I love you, please stop, this is silly. She said she wants me to move out. I don't know what to do.
We were married late 2008 and I moved out in a few months after Christmas week, I just couldn't handle being Lorded over. In June I filed for divorce. In October God changed my heart and I came back to my wife who has been trying all the time to get back with me. Times were good for the first few months, but since Christmas we have not been able to talk or even be intimate with each other. I want peace and to give love to my wife. I want to make my wife happy. I love you Christine. I love you.
1/30/2010 10:05:02 AM
a mom who loves her daughter United States
a mom who loves her daughter
It's amazing how God works! God sent me this web-site. I needed to forgive my daughter. Our relationship over the years has been hard sometimes. I thought I tried everything until I was on my way to the bank and I was mad at her,and I turned the radio station to K-LOVE and heard these words "We must forgive", yes, right then and there! K-Love talking about the Love Dare. God spoke to me right then! When I got home I got on K-love on-line and here I am. Thank you K-Love and thank you God for showing me what I needed to do! A rush of tears and joy came over me at the moment I decided to totally forgive her of everything! Just waiting patiently to see where God shows me what to do next.
1/30/2010 10:09:32 AM
Shel United States
Shel
lettylt's response to Michael kind of helped me. I have been up and down in my confidence that my marriage will work out. I have been worried that the Lord doesn't want it to. I have been worried that my husband is no longer in love with me since he told me he had feelings for this other woman. She is a drinker, partier, non christian like him. At least my husband is a believer. I have been praying for his salvation and hers. I have forgiven him, but not her (she knows about me). I don't know if I can forgive her, I am trying but it is the lioness in me of feeling she has attacked my family. I know it is his fault, too but she refuses to step away and hounds him all the time. She intices him with money and alcohol and partying. She calls him constantly begging him to kick me out of my house so she can move in. She works with him.....it is hard on me. It is taking a toll on my health. For the past couple of days I haven't been praying for restoral and renewal of my marriage, I don't know if I'm just wasting my time. I have continued to pray for his salvation and for him to have an intimate realationship with Christ. I guess this see-saw effect is normal. I am so afraid. I am worried he is going to divorce me next month. He hints at it all the time. He is treating me like the other woman now and respecting her wishes. He sneaks if he calls me, he's never home and if he is, he stays away from me. He talks to her in our home. He doesn't treat me like the other woman, I take that back, he now treats me like a roomate. I am in a lot of pain, but holding on....should I be thinking about getting over him, should I prepare for singlehood?
1/30/2010 10:10:18 AM
pam United States
pam
I married the man of my dreams when I was 17, he was 21, he was also a young minister in the church we attended. That was 29 years ago....we have 3 beautiful adult children now with an awesome son and daughter in law and 7 amazing grandchildren. We have been divorced for 22 years. We have both remarried and divorced again.........He had 3 more children.....I had 1 more child.....His name is Mark, I am Pam, We have been talking on the phone for about 2 years now. we have been praying for Gods will in our lives....He asked me if I still love him....I answered......I dont know you anymore..your not the man that I knew and fell in love with so many years ago...I told him I would pray about it...I havnt seen him since 2001...He calls me everyday...he says he loves me when he gets ready to hang up....I havnt said those 3 strong committing words.......yet???
1/30/2010 10:39:48 AM
Cheryl United States
Cheryl
Shel - Michael - You are in my prayers.  My husband left me a month ago and he thought it was what he wanted at the time.  He thought he wanted to leave me for someone else but quickly learned that that was not what he wanted.  Needless to say - January was not a good month for me.  I cried more than I can even fathom and questioned God.  God has taken me through this storm to bring me back to Him.  I have not been close to Him in a long time and He brought me to my knees but I praise Him for this.  I know now God will save our marriage and God is healing my husband.  Soon we will be back together.  My point to all this is don't ask God if He can-believe God will.  He asks us to ask Him and we don't have because we don't ask.  We HAVE to trust God completely and believe he WILL.  Do not give up but you MUST leave it in God's hands and be patient.  It is hard but that is when you remind yourself that God IS taking care of this matter.
1/30/2010 12:49:05 PM
kay United States
kay
I have been amazed at what I "forget" when I truly forgive.  It may come to mind and it surprises me when it does, but the pain is no longer attached to it.  And when something does cause a forgiven wound to reopen, I choose to forgive again. It's not a one-time thing.  Unforgiveness seals in the hurt. God is the true healer.  Forgiving allows God to heal all the hurt.  I hope I can give the kind of forgiveness that I hope to recieve.  
1/30/2010 2:05:33 PM
Megan Cranford United States
Megan Cranford
Michael, pray for your wife that the Lord will delier her from the hands and possible mind control of her mother...speaking from experience a mother can have so much control over her child that even a husband can not help...only with Gods grace can you and your wife work things out.
1/30/2010 6:19:51 PM
pegimmo United States
pegimmo
Today's Love Dare has opened my eyes.  I've been doing the love dare by myself.  I've been married for 32 years and we are on the verge of divorce as I joined the love dare.  5 years ago my husband met someone on the Internet and I found out about it 1 year ago New Years's day.  That day I found out not just one lady but at least 4 others locally and to this day, he is still involved with 2 other women.  I left for a couple of months but returned on his request.  Today I realized that I have been keeping our marriage in prison.  I haven't forgiven, although I say I have, but have become more bitter and angry over my husband's infidelity.  I want to be freed from my prison cell today and I choose to forgive and keep no record of wrongs.
1/30/2010 6:41:06 PM
Erik United States
Erik
I'm having a great deal forgiving somone in my life as well, it's not a spouse, but somone who's been very influential in my life. He's been very subject to darkness at times and very Christlike at other times. What helps me is to look for Christ in everyone around me. Yes there is darkness in all of us (we're all human aren't we?), but if you look for Christ, do everything within our power to be like Jesus and offer love and forgiveness when confronted by darkness, it's a lot easier to spread Jesus' light. God bless!
1/30/2010 9:39:33 PM
Laura United States
Laura
I commit to daily forgive, chose Love...and grow my devotion in keeping our lives protected and cared for. I will devote more to Us in prayer and not so much me....May Christ be the shinning star in our Love....and especially in our forgiveness
1/30/2010 11:04:24 PM
Shel United States
Shel
Thank you, Cheryl.
1/31/2010 3:59:51 PM
Tamara P United States
Tamara P
I was listening to K-Love and I don't know who it was but they had mentioned the love dare-day 25 about forgiveness. I am not in a relationship but this is definitely one of the reasons that my last relationship ended. I wouldn't forgive. It is like being in jail. I want to read the love dare now for the future.  Thank you for sharing this on air, even us single folk are getting something out of it! Thanks.
2/1/2010 10:32:12 AM
liz United States
liz
I read todays dare from the book this morning-after a rough night last night where I questioned God. I was ready to start preparing for singlehood as I saw no hope, no future when my husband said some horrible things and did some horrible actions. I believe that God was waiting for me to see todays dare as the real beginning for me. I finally realized that  was in that prison cell. Cheryl your response filled me with joy for you guys and I am joyful also because I have truly forgiven alll of his actions and words. I do feel pity for him, and the pain at everything is lessened. Michael, Shel, Do Not give up now or ever. we love u and are lifting you up to God every day!
2/1/2010 11:27:07 AM
in deep sorrow United States
in deep sorrow
thank you susan, and ashely. i am already looking for the movie and the book. i think im gonna cry with this movie. GOD Bless you my friends. GOD is GOOD!
2/1/2010 7:19:09 PM
dj United States
dj
these was sent to be by a great friend (but more from GOD) i have hard of these never looked in on it becouse my marragie is over. i been married 2 time. first one i cheated on him. after year of mentel and some other abused. when he relized i was not coming back to our marrige he not only let it go but let our doughter go. even though i did the wrong and cheated i. head alot anger with him becouse him walking away for our girl.. i watch them all these hurt from what he did. they did not do anything wrong. well that lead me into my new marrige where my youngest was 2 when her dad i split and he never really took to her in the first place.. he was with the oldest child she was a daddy girl. so she went all the year anger with me at first untill she seen him years latter and he told he was going to start calling and seeing them. and heart me tell him in front of her iv never stop him.from seeing them .. and so on. and he told them i never stoped him. and so on. so she finlly i guess u can say kinda forgave me , but i remarred. after 8 year fromt he first div. and my oldest never did really trust him. i figer it was becouse of her dad walking away and the feeling he not my daddy. and her love i know she still has deep in her for her real dad.. but the youngest of the two .. took to him right away. she never called him daddy. becouse she follow her sisster in ever thing.. she was 9 when him and i married. well i had my girl and anther child out marrige between the two marriges. and he had a son him self the same age as my son i had out marrige. well it was a hard marrige trying to take him and mine . we two to make it a our blood are not .we pushed for it. we had a son of our on. 1 yeah and 1 mouth and 1 day after we was married so then we had your mine and ours. and we really try to make it a ours. but it did not work. all five kids live with us. and his son and mom went though a bad div. they use the child to hurt on anther is what i ended up lorning and it carried on into our marrige the same way witch cased much more problem .... well after we married allmost 6 year. i find out the last year he start massing with my youngest doughter why was at the time he started (that i know. of) she was 15 keep in mind he rased her with us telling them is ours we are a family everone well be treated the same as blood. anyway our marrige was allready hurting.. i had reson to beleave he had cheated on me with a 18 year who he worked. with. he lied to me to the end over it. he was mentle and very abused to me when we would get in our fights. he becouse more and more mentle.we got to the point we could not talk ..he had begain to rape me. i came to a point i was scared to go though our bedroom to go to the restroom. becouse he would be waiting there for me. well it did get to where he gave up more when i was fighting him why he was trying to make me have sex with him.. it shocked me the first couple time but i took as he like tired fighting. but it did not stop him all togather. well come to find out he was making my doughter do thing. in place of making me i guess. she weaker then me and he allso play mind her. befor he started for all these years i thought that was close well i know on her part she had that need for a daddy. him i guess it was his way of getting her trust. she was the sweetest loving kindest child we had. if u was need help with somthing she would be there and not win about one bit.. that was for anyone. she had that need to be loved. and people to brag on her. it the the missing of father . spot she need felled. well he ended up RAPING HER THE THU BEFOR CHRISTMAS 2006 why after we got in a fight becouse a dog he got becouse he wont the big dog pin that came with it becouse he was trying to rase chicken. so he tied the dog up to the close line and the dog dug huge hole in the yard. befor he got the dog i beg him i fought with him not to get the dog. not for the reson he was getting it. we know the people who had the dog it was big highper dog. we could do nothing with her becouse she was so strong .. just in playing. well her chain got tied up with the water hose. and no one see it right away and she pulled the water line in two. pulling the on the hose trying to get loss ..he got anger and got mad at the dog. and said i take care it. and took the dog off. we fought about it.i was mad becouse he know we could not handle the dog and he took her for the pin then when somthing goes wrong he wont to take a just drop off somewhere. and that was not far to the dog. he did with all the kids knowing it. he even made my doghter go with him. why he pulled over on the side the road drop the dog. off and then raped my doughter. ok far i can go lets say i did not know there was alot happen when they got back bacouse the two of us was allready fighting about the fact of the dog. and i was even more anger becouse he did that to the dog. made her go with him.. well the weekend and christmas week went by he stay to him self she never said anything. but she had allready started with drowing mouth befor these. i was taking the kids to get what i thought getting help for everthing going on . there was alot problem with us and his son. do to the playing each other to hurt the other. anyway he sent me to pay a bill and get some food new year eve that same  year. and made look like we was going to have dinner as a family watch some movies. and the watch the ball drop at mid night. made look like we was going to start over. and made sound like he really wonted to start over. so i went and paid the bill pic up dinner and why i was gone he raped her again in our room in our bed. needless to say she did not say anything right way. but the that night did not play out as a start over family night it bacame a big anger night of fighting.. well at mid night that nigh my doughter finlly came to me and told me what he been doing to her.well now he in prison... he did tell the truth. but it just got him a slap on the wrist becouse of it. well i say told the truth. i herd part of his side the story on what he made it to have happen witch is diff from her. and u just got to know these child to know. she not lieing and know him to know from how she told what happen. is how he does thing. i mean thing in how he did me. with the mine game and raping of me. i be craying after he get done and tell he raped me he lough and kiss me and say u cant rape ur wife. anyway all these brought out alot my past. as well i was sex abused as a child 90% my child hood. and iv had alot hurt and anger in side me i did even know was there untill all these happen. untill i seen the man i loved and for the first time in my life trust with my life. (witch was with my kids they was my life) the man i brought into our home hurt them hurt her in a way no one should have to live though. i all swear i would watch who my kids was with i would know the sign. and i brought him in our home. so in the mist of trying to help my doughter though these the other kids. who where allso hurt in these marrige with what he did all the fighting .. and i lost my step son who i rased since he was 4 to 11 then do to lie from his mom. and so on. so iv had alot anger in me . i hear our son ask for his daddy almost ever day it brake my heart to know he hurting for his dad .. from the day he was born my husband his daddy made him his baby he was a daddy boy. he treated our son like a king. and i hurt for our son. becouse now daddy not here. then i hurt for my doughter becouse these man hurt her in so meny way took from her what was not his to take and he took it..he even said he did.. and then my oldest feeling gilt becouse in his mind game he start playing the two sister to stay mad at each other i started putting two and two togather. and then my son looked at him as his daddy becouse he did not know his dad his dad. was saying he was not his. it was after all these we finly got test done shown he was his daddy now he know his real dad after losing the man who he looked at and called daddy. he was allso 4 when we married. and at first his real dad was very evil over it. saying i dont care i might be his dad by blood but that it. then his wife and him said they came to a change of heart over it. and started being part his life. his dad wife. is a whole new story. and now my son dont wont to go over there becouse of the metle abuse that starting there.and she told on her self over it. and now they have it where we tryed but they are why he not part our life now all my so call friend are turn away from me over it so there anger there. for that. i see him are her im anger.. the thought my ex make me anger... the thought of the men who hurt me.. getting over all that is killing me .i know i must forgive im trying so hard. it so much to forgive. and some day i feel like i can do it then other it bring me back down im now deprased alot. my close friends stay upset with me becouse i started out going days of not talking to them . just from the deprashin. just did not have the enger to to talk. to going weeks now mouths. and i dont wont the upset with me ..one friend been a great friend for 21 year the other for the last couple. but i just get to where im i dont know how to put it. anyway i know it becouse i need to free myself by forgiving and i wont to . im tring to hand that key over to GOD. AND EVER TIME I THINK IV GIVING TO HIM I LOOK UP AND IT BACK IN MY HANDS.i dont know how im trying so hard. if i get out around other it dran me .. for weeks at a time. it so hard. so time i just get sick. and i try to keep nearmal with my kids much i can. but i know they see me. they know mamma not right . they know im depressed. what kinda roll am i showing there i beleave in our lord. im a christen i read my bible i pray. go to church. i have night and some day where all cry and reach for him to help pull me out these cave i know im in. but it like when i start to see the light .. all at once the light goes out. like these it make it look like just forgive. that all u have to do but when u have deep scares and sore that are just reopening over and over. it not that easy to say ok i forgive. iknow take a change in heart. i try so hard .. i dont wont to hurt anylonger i wont to let it go. i dont wont all these over me. my doughter who was raped is moving on and doing 100 time better then me. and she was the one raped.. but these man i brought in our life and home. and she loved and truest as a dad in her life. i wont to forgive. i try. and it gets harder and hard to do. i know if i dont. ill never be able to move on. and be truely happy one top of i know he cant get out prison anyday now. and we have son togather these man well allway be part our life one way are anther. and the man i feel in love with im still feel that love for. the man he became and hurt my doughter i have so much anger for. he still wonts our marrige to work and we div now. and he still write and tell me . he praying for us to make it. he said he changed. he a christen now but yet he still play his mind game . just in the letter his sind i can see the game now when befor i blide to them. GOD  PLESE HELP ME TO FORGIVE. I HAVE ALOT OF PEOPLE TO FORGIVE. I STARTED ON IT. iv have start my road of forgiving alot people whos hurt me. as a child and grown up but there still meny more. i live a life of nothing but being someone sex pleaser. and now im lorning what sex really is. and not what iv lorn it to be. and it sicken me more and more and i feel what i felt in them time now when all my life i just know it happen but never really felt the pain i felt . then. now i do. and i ack for my doughter and what she went though in the hands of a man i brought in our lifes. and trusted. and i should see the sign i know them. i lived them. anther thing im lorning im the one who i cant forgive.. i know untill i forgive myself i know i cant forgive the other. but i wont to . i really do.. im trying im praying.. how can it be ok forgiving??????????
2/17/2010 2:52:35 PM
Ludie Mccomack United States
Ludie Mccomack
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Rona Cuadro
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