Parenting Tips - Dr. Michele Borba

I need help.  My 17yr is dating a young man I do not trust.  I've been told that she is allowing  him to use her car while she is at school and may be selling drugs.  I can't confront her because it would expose her friend that loves her dearly and cares for her.  I'm thinking of using a GPS to track the car and then I can confront her without exposing the friend that will be there for her when it all comes down.  I have a bad feeling about this boy. please tell me the best way to handle this.  I've been praying for her but feel its not helping.

I have two children. My daughter Shelly and my son Benjamin. My daughter is very good at being obediant and does very well in school. My son on the other hand is a very big fit thrower and he hates change. I am not sure what to do. He is 5 almost 6 and all of this has gone on for the past year and a half. I have tried to dicaplin him but it does not work. He is a very sweet child and he is very loving I know that I need to stop the fits and get him ajusted to change.

I have a 15 (almost 16) year old teenage girl who is basically out of control.  My husband and I feel like we have totally lost control over her.  We say no to something, but she does it any way.  Any advise?

I have a question for Michele. I am not a parent, but I do have a 25 kids! I am a first year teacher in Muncie, IN and I am new at all of this! I heard what you said about how rewards can actually unmotiviated children. I am a firm believer of motivating kids to learn without using rewards. What can I do for those kids who have been motivated by rewards at home, and now expect me to give rewards for their hard word?

I have a 15 year old daughter who does not do well in school - and I am a teacher! She seems unmotivated towards most everything and we are clueless on how to help. While I know she could be a solid b student, she regularly forget to turn in assignments and in turn brings home d's and sometimes f's. Any suggestions?

My 6 1/2 year old is struggling with insomnia.  She has ADHD and is on medication.  However, she's been on this particular medication for almost 3 months now.  The insomnia has only been going on for a month and a half.  She's always been my good sleeper.  She can fall asleep easily at bedtime (8:00), but it's staying asleep.  She gets up 2-3x's/night.  I always go lay back down with her to calm her because she says either she had a bad dream or that her bed is "stupid."  
Per her pediatrician, we've been using melatonin (up to 6 mgs now) but it still isn't helping her sleep thru the night.  Like I said, I end up laying down with her - and then falling asleep.  This isn't helping me - not easy to sleep 2 in a twin/bottom bunk.  
What can I do to help her?  We have "Monster Spray" and "Monster Block" but those aren't helping her anymore. And we pray too.  I don't know if it's stress or if her room is too bright.  She shares a room w/her brother - and they have enough night lights to land a plane!  If I cut back on the light, her brother (4) freaks out)

I have three boys. They didn't have tantrums when I was around, but they did for my wife when I was traveling or at work.
I'm not abusive, but I believe in dicipline. I think the studies you reference in the Boston trials are more towards the Spock generation of parents.
I learned respect for my parents at a young age. They're both gone now and I still live to bring honor to them knowing that God is honored at the same time.
I haven't heard any talk about the Biblical direction on raising children. I had to sign off as I'm now at work, but I have a bad feeling about listening to anyone who doesn't have the Bible as their foundation on subjects like Child rearing.

My 9 year old son abhors writing, which is a requirement at school this year. I have tried all kinds of reward systems, none have worked.  He will do all kinds of things to get out of the assignment. He attends to his other work beautifully when he's motivated, just not writing.  His current reward is an allowance of $5 a week.  If he doesn't finish the homework, no money.  So far he's gotten his money each week, but I'm riding him to get the job done.  Do I stop talking to him about homework and let him not get it done?(He won't do it unless I tell him to and check up on him every 15 minutes.) How do I turn on his internal motivation?

I have a question for Michelle. I have a daughter who will be one on March 1, 2010. She is my first child. When we attend church or any other function where one needs to be quiet, how do we get a 1 year old to be quiet? Can we expect this to happen/can it be an expectation? My husband will put the pacifer in her mouth. I don't like that solution (also she is at the age where she knows she can still make noise with the pacifer in her mouth). If she gets real noisy in church, I will go into the hall or cry room. If at this age it is difficult to get a child to be silent when needed, how can we at least start teaching the child to be silent in situations like church or other functions? Thanks!

  The answere to all your problems is in the word!!!!   Pray and ask Jesus who gave up everything for us!   Do we love him enough to give   him our children?!    Jesus said if a man loves his wife, mother, children, husband, mother ,a and father more than me can not enter into the Kingdom of God!    Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!       I hope this helps!!!    I love you guys!!!!  Jesus loves you to!!!!!

Hi Lisa and Erik,
Mark and I were married 32 years ago. He was and is my best friend, met him when I was 13 and he 15. He is an awesome man of God!!! Our relationship was going through a rough spot for the past year. Lots of work stress and our attitudes towards each other began to take a turn as we focused on our own needs. I was encouraged to " hold him to account for his attitude" by someone who does not solve problems from God's perspective. That was the beginning of my demise. I began criticizing him for every little thing and holding him to account, in the name of Jesus of course, or so I thought............

The morning I heard you talk about starting the Love Dare, I thought wow we can do this together. That will straighten him out! Well, being that he is a man, and can only focus on one thing really well at at time, he was not able to do it at this time. I understood and am so glad we did it solo. Each day I read the post on your home page and I was sooooo blessed, sooooo convicted, and given God's mercy and grace. It was as if someone was in my house, listening to us and then writing about us. Yikes! How embarrassing! God began to remind me how He wants me to love  my husband. He began melting my heart and helping me fall in love all over again. Our marriage has been refreshed, Mark kept saying "who is this women and what have you done with my wife" It was so funny. I didn't take offense at all. I knew the changes that had taken place. I am soooo thankful for God's mercy and love and grace. Thank you both for participating on the Love Dare with us listeners. It has been an amazing journey and one I am continuing to do over again. I want to keep the truths and wisdom in my heart until it becomes second nature again. I am very grateful! Thank you for truly being the family of God with us and being real!

Nancy Bergum
Clarence, NY (near Rochester and Buffalo)
We first heard you in the Adirondack High Peaks on a backpacking trip!

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Most people forget that the behaviors we teach as parents already have their own "built-in" naturally occurring rewards.  I agree with her about Jump-starting a child's behavior with rewards (even schools use these types of rewards, ever heard of "earning an A"?).  However, we also need to plan for the long term and help our kids see the naturally occurring rewards:

~Cleaning your room makes it easier to find your clothes and stuff!
~Asking your parents before making plans with your friends increases the likelihood they'll say "yes"!
~Taking out the garbage makes the house smell nice!

God is great. His creations, including our ability to learn are wondrous.

I think that discipline should be both postivie and negative because I believe that is how God deals with us. He scares us witht he idea of hell but motivates us with the idea of Heaven. However I have four children under the age of five and though I use boht forms of discipline ,motivation and corporal punishment they are still young and I am not really sure whether they will be successful adults one day but for now it seems to work well. God Bless

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Michelle, I have an 18 year old son who is a senior in High School and still lives at home with me. Since turning 18 he keeps pulling the "I am 18" card on me when I try to enforce "house rules" on him. He gets good grades and works. Though he pays for his own things and does help me around the house I feel as though I am losing him. He has stopped going to church and spending ANY time with me. I have proposed to at least spending one day a month with me so we can come to an understanding on how to deal with our "new" relationship. I feel as though we still need boundaries since he still lives at home and I support him. Just not really sure where those should be and how to handle him. I have a mother who still treats me as though I am 15 even though I am 48 so I really do not know how to treat a young adult. I pray for him daily and miss him terribly. I realize this is part of the process of letting go but . . . We use to be really close and I do not see why we can not be that way again.

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