Jun 22 2010

Men & Respect

Author & Speaker Shaunti Feldhahn is with us this morning, talking about something men crave - R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

The Five Respect Needs of Men

1. Respect his judgement
2. Respect his abilities
3. Respect in communication
4. Respect in public
5. Respect in our assumptions

For more on this, check out Shaunti's column at iMom


Comments (22) -

6/22/2010 5:34:52 AM
Cindy United States
Morning... got to listen early this AM, loved starting my day praying with you both. I live alone, and have been for a long time. It was just nice to start my day this way - don't know why today is so important, it just was!

Thank you so much, God Bless!
6/22/2010 5:41:53 AM
Emily Karas United States
Emily Karas
Thank you for talking about this! It is so hard for us women to know how to respect because we want love, so we give love. I think this podcast/idea may save my relationship. Will we be able to re-listen to itover podcast?
6/22/2010 5:44:10 AM
Sally United States
I would love to leave a comment, but I don't want my email posted....
6/22/2010 5:47:08 AM
Cassie United States
I just started reading Shaunti's book "For Women Only", just a week or so ago. (I love it!) It's an eye opener.
I was running late for work this morning. . . had to take out the trash, feed myself ect and couldn't seem to fit it all in. I frantically got in my car and it was on my Hello Love CD by Chris Tomlin and I decided to change it. Shaunti was on talking about her book. . . THAT I'M READING RIGHT NOW! She started talking about the verse from Phillipians and that is a verse that I have on my mirror. I try to read it to myself every day and I managed to read it today. During my daily devotion I kept repeating it in my head. . . It's amazing how God intertwines our hearts. Smile
6/22/2010 5:49:19 AM
Richard United States
Marriage is the closes thing on earth to what Trinty is. The relationship in a family is the Father is the head, even as the Father in Heaven is the Head, Wives are like the Jesus and are in the second position and children are like the Holy Spirit. The Lord showed me this a long time ago, that the Father in Heaven has the final decision over every thing, even in the last day, Jesus submited himself to the Fathers will even when He found it hard and maybe even did not want to, the Holy Spirit lifts up Jesus and the Father. I have told my wife and children, please do what I ask and say even if you do not agree, and if you do not agree, take it to the Lord in Prayer. I will be moved by Him to make the right decision. But, even if I screw up, still do this the Lord will take care of it. This is a very deep subject that the Church has failed to teach or deminstrate. May the Lord Bless You!!!
6/22/2010 5:51:10 AM
April Bartlett Germany
April Bartlett
I am an Army wife stationed in Germany and my husband is deployed right now. So one of the ways I try to respect my husband is by trying to talk to him and include him in as much as I can. It can be hard sometime when you go for long times without hearing form him but when we do get to talk I try to get as much of his imput about things that are going on as I can. I always want him to be apart of any decitions that need to be made about our daughter or life in general. And he knows I really do care what he thinks. And even when we don't get to talk I am always sending him emails with updates about what is going on in out life so he can always feel like he is in the loop and we havent forgot about him when he is gone. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and I do respect so much about him!
6/22/2010 5:57:04 AM
Renee United States
My husband and I have a rule in our house for our kids (& interrupting).  If we are talking and they have something to say they have to put their hand on our hip-then wait.  We usually squeeze or hold it to let them know we realize they have something to say. Then we are able to get to an appropriate stopping place then ask what they need. Sometimes if they begin to talk I will easily take their hand and place it on my hip...that prompts a reminder then they normally stop talking. (this also works great for when you are on the telephone too!)This of course takes a lot of practice and both of you have to be willing to incorporate it.
*This came from Gary Ezzo's-'Growing Kids God's Way'*
6/22/2010 6:05:03 AM
Liz Goodson United States
Liz Goodson
My husband & I struggled for 3 years with Love & Respect in our marriage...I felt unloved..He felt disrespected.  We read a book called "Love & Respect" that changed our marriage!  God commands men to "LOVE" their wives because women need love and men by nature are not "loving".  God commands women to "RESPECT" their husbands.  Men need respect and women need love in all their relationships....God doesn't have to tell a woman to "LOVE" because by nature we do that....God doesn't tell a man to "RESPECT"...by nature they do that.  I highly recommend anyone struggling in their marriage to read this book together as a couple.
6/22/2010 6:20:10 AM
Richard United States
We can not open Facebook at work and could not submit my comments other then this way. The best way to answer about Respect is like what the Lord showed me a long time ago. The family is the closes thing on earth to the Trinity or the Godhead. The Father in Heaven has the last say on everything, even in the last day, Jesus honors His Father by doing what He wants, even if it is hard or even if he does not want to do it, the Holy Spirit submits Himself to both Jesus and the Father. In a family the Dad is the head of the household and should have the last word, the wife should submit to the husbands position even if she does not want to and the children need to submit to both the mom and dad. As I have told my wife and children, do what I want and say and if you don’t agree, take it to the Lord in Prayer, he will change my direction. But, even if I screw up, still submit and the Lord will honor what you have done and still take care of me. This is an area that the church has failed to teach and has caused a major down fall in the home. May the Lord Bless You!!!
6/22/2010 6:20:36 AM
Ron United States
My former wife has read the book on Love and Respect and she is proud of that fact, however, she still abandoned me with no acts of kindness for 5 years, and not even seeing each other for 5 years! I cried out to God to let her let me go if she really didn't want this marriage and she finally did after keeping our marriage on hold and in limbo, janauary 2010! It's sad that she refused to work together to do what ever it took to keep this TWO person marriage covenant for worse or death do we part and make it work!  Thanks.
6/22/2010 6:41:47 AM
Melissa A United States
Melissa A
This is such an important subject. Today women are raise to be self sufficient and independent, which is great but sometimes we have a hard time letting that go in the best interest of our marriages. It's hard to accept that even though you are mighty woman you have to lean on your soupce for their sense of respect. Men like to be needed and they feel respected when they are valued. Even though you feel like you can do it all on your own, don't!
6/22/2010 7:10:40 AM
Lindsey United States
I am a armywife. My husband and I got married when we were 17 and have been married and in the military ever since. I respect my husband by respecting his wishes. He deploys for 12 months, every other year. Gone for a year, home for a year. gone for a year. After the first deployment, we tried to let him take over as the head of the children but realized how that effected them. I was the active parent, I made the decisions and disciplined them. For him to come home and start taking charge again had a negative effect on our household. I am a stay at home mom, so even when he is not deployed... I am the one here 99% of the time. Also I tell him what he NEEDS to know. When he is stressed and overwhelmed in a war zone, he does not need to know that his kids are fighting, the dog chewed through the waterhose, the water pipe broke and flooded the laundry room etc ... we have been through so many deployments that I know he does not need that extra stress. He needs to here we miss him, that his newborn son was born and is healthy, that his wife finally graduated from college and that everything is fine, so that he can continue fighting with the peace of mind knowing that we are alright and that we are right here waiting for him. He deploys again in 2 months. When he gets back we will be getting out of the Army. The transition into a joint marriage and parenting rold again will be hard, but it will be bittersweet. I can't wait !!
6/22/2010 7:57:34 AM
Brenda United States
Listening to this mornings show has touch me (stabbed me in the heart) I grow up around abusive male figures, it's difficult to submit to a man. After reading a commit from some one named Richard this message hit harder. God has set an order to EVERYTHING and it's the enemy who obstructs that order by means of violation to create confusion derision in the minds of God's children. I believe the church has failed in many ways to TEACH the proper way of CHRIST and servanthood. I appreciate those who will embrace their position and answer God's call to teach from Holy Spirit.
6/22/2010 8:04:57 AM
Renee United States
I have so many friends who do not respect their husbands, so I shared this link on my Facebook in hopes that they will see it.
I know that they may argue that their husbands need to earn their respect and I agree with them that their hubbies have made some wonderful blunders, but it makes me sad that they continue to disrespect their husbands...especially in front of their kids.  Frown
6/22/2010 8:14:05 AM
Kelly United States
I really don't see a difference between respect and love. I think they go hand in hand. I don't think Women can be loved by a man without him respecting her and I don't think a woman can respect a man she doesn't love. I think its equal men and women need to be respected equally not men respected and women loved. Whats the real difference. I think if a man loves his wife he will include her in his decision making process they will decide together rather than he make all decisions tells her and she just follows him around. I mean every choice he makes impacts her life as well as his. She should be included not just told how things are going to work. God made women using a rib which is at a mans side not his foot or his head. That shows that God wanted us to work side by side. Even the virtuous woman has a job outside of the house. I just hate the idea that women should live with any decision a man makes no matter what and she should be just be given stuff everyday. I am capable of giving myself everything I need I don't need a man to support me I don't need to be dependant. I feel like a better stronger and more important person when I am independant. I didn't like the feeling that I was just a burden when I was a child so I definetly don't want to feel as if I am a burden as an adult. Which is what if feels like to be dependant on a man. In the bible God calls women a mans help mate not his responsibility.
6/22/2010 8:28:29 AM
Claudia Corona United States
Claudia Corona
Wow! GOD sure works in wonderful ways.  I have had the worst two weeks of my marriage.  Please pray for me and my husband.  I am definately going to buy that book!!
6/22/2010 9:20:05 AM
BJ United States
This is a good and necessary topic. As I’ve told my daughters and female friends, and former wife (who just didn’t get it)… I, we, men need respect in addition to love.  Call us high maintenance, and perhaps it’s true.  But it’s really pretty easy to figure out. I don’t think there are five points of respect, at least not for me. Just don’t take me for granted and try to give me some R-E-S-P-E-C-T in addition to love. They are not the same thing...
6/22/2010 12:46:41 PM
Joe United States
Kelly (6/22 - 8:14am) -
Where is the gospel according to Kelly located again?
6/23/2010 8:15:19 AM
Kelly United States
Joe, I wasn't claiming that I am right. I was just giving my opinion. I am well aware that men are the most important aspect of the family and women are secondary citizens in the Christian home. Because we are less important. We should do as we are told and never have a thought of our own. I get that. I just don't like that we are to be nothing more than someone who sleeps with our husbands takes care of our kids and cleans house because apparently that is all we are good for. Sorry for insulting you since I am a dumb woman I will shut up and let men lead me to where ever he wants me to go because I have no real importance to God or man.
6/23/2010 8:29:25 AM
Kelly United States
Joe sorry, I forgot I am  just some stupid woman who should keep myself at the back of the church and be seen and not heard. My opinion doesn't matter because I am just a woman and am a mans whoe and slave and I should only give birth to HIS children. Because children are a mans possession just as the wife is a mans possession. I forget that in Gods eyes men are the most important and women are the least important person. We are only some horrible human beings.
6/23/2010 1:00:04 PM
Kelly United States
I was merely giving my opinion not trying to preach to men. I just don't understand why that just because I was born a woman I should have no control over my own life. I should give my well being and life over to some man to take care of me. First my father and then my husband. Every decision is handed to me by a man and I am not allowed to make any decision or be apart of the process simply because I am the wife. So I officially have no say and should not have an opinion on what affects my life and the life of my children. I am not trying to be hateful. I just wish I didn't have to subject myself to the full decision of some man and have no say. I mean its my life and I feel as if I should be able to have some control of my life. I just don't feel as if I am only to be fully and utterly dependant on a man and garner no independence. Why can't I make my own decisions? Why should I always have to ask a man how to handle something and what I should do. They have to ask no one. I hate the feeling that I am not allowed to choose for myself because I am a woman. I don't feel loved that way. I don't feel loved by being told what I can and cannot do and how thing will and will not be and that I should shut up and just talk to God. Who may or may not answer me because in the end he controls everything and may or may not hear the prayers of some lowly woman.
6/25/2010 7:27:46 AM
Joe United States
Wow.  All that from a simple question?  Really?  Who is the winner here if arguing is the point?  I want to be lined up with THE WORD.  If your 'opinions' contradict THE WORD, you are probably 'standing up' for yourself, but who ultimately gets the glory for that, and WHO are you standing up against?  Be careful where that leaves you.  Also, leading others astray from THE WORD is a dangerous thing for one to do.  Ask yourself, what (or WHO more importantly) is this guy's motivation?  HE must increase, I am willing to decrease.  I yield to THE KING alone.  What is HE telling you?
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