Aug 16 2012

Soul Mates, Do you believe it's Destiny?

Two-thirds of U.S. adults believe in the concept of soul mates where "two people are destined to be together," according to a Marist Poll poll. But soul-mate couples who marry after a whirlwind of passion could have a rude awakening. While they likely will be very happy at first because of their intense emotional and personal connection, such unions have a high risk of disenchantment and divorce for the simple reason that it's almost impossible to sustain such intensity for the long haul.

Tell us if you believe in soul mates here or on Facebook.

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8/16/2012 3:16:54 AM
RaeAnne Wiegand United States
RaeAnne Wiegand
I used to believe in "soul mates"; was married for 25 years to a man whom I fell in love with in High School. Just days after celebrating our 25th anniversary, he announces to me that he wants out; not "in love with me anymore". So, unfortunately my soul mate found his "sin mate" and moved in with her the next day....very devastating to say the least. I am currently going through a very painful divorce; If people are lucky enough to find a "soul mate" and they beat the odds of not falling under the Devils snare, then AMEN to them; I on the other hand, am questioning my "soul mate". Just hoping for strength and peace to endure this storm my "soul mate" has put on our 25 year marriage. God bless!!
8/16/2012 3:34:04 AM
roxanne hubbard-donnelly United States
roxanne hubbard-donnelly
I truly feel your pain as my husband did the same to me after being together 22 yrs, double pain because it was for my best friend of 26 years.
Search and find a divorce care support group near you it is an awesome program and can help you,forgive for yourself, God does not take us where his grace will not protect us. I am fortunate in that he has yet to file for separation or divorce so i still have Hope that he may return so we can build anew on our original foundation of love
8/16/2012 3:38:39 AM
Christy United States
Christy
I think people confuse lust and love too often. I know various couples who have been married for 30 plus years, after only knowing each other a very short time. One couple I know, knew each other than than a week when they got married and have been married for over 40 years.
When you feel you have found your soul mate, it shouldn't be a sexual desire that's leading you to make that determination, but instead a love and respect and connection...common interests, genuine liking of the others personality, etc.
8/16/2012 3:48:13 AM
Rob United States
Rob
I have been in that situation, and I'm here to tell you it's true. A "soul mate" relationship cannot likely be sustained over the long-term. 10 years ago, I would not have believed it, but I have a divorce in my life that is testimony to it. Be careful...be very, very careful.
8/16/2012 3:49:09 AM
Lisa Douthit United States
Lisa Douthit
To RaeAnne and Roxanne: it is very likely you were married to your "soulmate" based on the line in this article that said, "such unions have a high risk of disenchantment and divorce for the simple reason that it's almost impossible to sustain such intensity for the long haul." I found this to be true to when my husband and I divorced in 2009. It took a year and a half of being apart, but we are back together and we have found it very difficult to keep this union together, as it IS very intense, both sexually and emotionally in other ways, like you said christy... common interests. But in any case, we are still drawn back together. So yes, I believe we are soul mates, but it isn't the glamourous thing that is often portrayed, it is often very painful.
8/16/2012 3:54:11 AM
Emily United States
Emily
As a victim of sexual abuse from age 7 to 17, to believe in any kind of true love was impossible. Thankfully, jesus changed all of that. A year after becoming a christian, back when I was in high school, god told me that I would day have a son who I wouldn't bear. For years and years, I assumed that I would adopt. Then I met the little boy who is now my stepson. I knnow that all of these years god had my husband and stepson in mind for me. I know that, as god is the one for me, my husband was meant to be my two. I do not believe that this type of situation is applicable to everyone, but I do believe that In unique circumstances god has the two for others as well. What is so important, is that god does remain our one, so that in every circumstance, as we seek him, all other things of him are added unto us.
8/16/2012 4:20:57 AM
renee United States
renee
i believe in soul mates...but i also believe there could be MORE then one..i have had 2..my first has gone Home to be with Jesus!.HOWEVER, soul mates do NOT have the same things in common...quite opposite. ones weaknesses are the others strengths one holds the other up when normally theyd fall. for example;one may have great compassion for others BUT cannot say NO to anything,while the other has less compassion and can say "no" when needed...its a balance;the one with more compassion helps the one with less LEARN compassion and the one that can say no when needed teaches the other to stand firm. GOD uses each of them to help the other grow closer to HIM. this also does make it harder to live with one another...lol...i know! why? because IF you give into flesh,it can cause you to argue more and disagree...and IF you are not standing firm in GOD ,that can bring divorce. BUT we should go into a marriage NOT wanting to change anyone but willing to accept each other as we are and allow GOD to make the changes.marriage is a ministry...one only YOU can carry out. because YOU are the ONLY one married to your spouse. and GOD will WHEN allowed,use THAT ministry to do miraculous things! any time you would like me to share my marriages with you feel free to ask! i love sharing my life because its something that GOD has done miraculous things in!!! and it WILL blow your mind! Smile) it does mine EVERY day! may you see all of GODS blessings for you today!
8/16/2012 4:29:27 AM
Elena D United States
Elena D
Renee, thank you for sharing.  Smile  I hope you're right!  
8/16/2012 5:33:51 AM
Jeannette United States
Jeannette
My husband IS my soul mate. We have been together for fifteen years, and married for fourteen.

When we pulled up to the stop sign the day we were headed to the church to get married, I gave him one last chance to get away.

"This is it. Jump out now or you are going to have to die to get away from me."

All he said was, "Ditto."

On to the church we went.
8/16/2012 5:42:28 AM
Rocky United States
Rocky
I dont believe in soul mates as it is defined today. Love is an act of your will.  It is a decision one makes after they have experienced friendship with one another and perhaps discovered some commonalities where they can vision being united further than just friendship.  Every soul longs to love and be loved and so is always looking for love.  When love is returned by someone, it appears to be fate...thus a soul mate. Instead it was two people making the decision to love eachother at the same time.  The only true soul mate is God's Holy Spirit because He truly has union with each of us regardless if we choose to love Him or not. He will always love you...no matter what!
8/16/2012 5:57:06 AM
Darcy United States
Darcy
I have to agree with Renee. I unfortunately, did not have a successful marriage with my first husband. I actually married him twice, trying very hard to make it work, but it did not work. Both people in a marriage need to decide 'everyday' to make it work. That is what I have found in my husband  and I always tell him that God made him for me, he is younger than I am. We also say we are stuck with each other, because noone else will put up with us. We are very different from each other and that can be very tough, but it will balance you if you allow God to work in your life and thru your marriage. One thing I learned thru all of this is when he makes me mad I have to stop and think of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. This has kept our love strong for 18 years with many more to follow. I never thought I would ever be divorced and I do not agree with it, but here I am with 2 divorces. God healed that and blessed me with a man that does that has the desire to stick it out and make 'us' work. As long as we both make that decision everyday,guard our relationship, and listen to God we will remain strong in our marriage.  
8/16/2012 6:22:40 AM
Natalie United States
Natalie
I am happily married to the man I consider my "soul mate." The reason I consider him that is because I know God made us for each other, not because he "completes" me or any other such nonsense. Only God can do that. But I love my husband, he is my best friend, and I cannot imagine life without him.
8/16/2012 6:43:59 AM
Hannah United States
Hannah
I do believe in soul mates! I met my husband when I turned 13. He has been in the center of my life from that day forward. We have now been married for 10 years.  We have been through some really down times and learned a lot of lessons through the years but we have also had amazing times together! The exciting honeymoon stage does go away but if you both love the Lord then it turns into an everlasting love that grows stronger everyday. You have to be so careful to guard your marriage every second. So I do believe in soul mates because I know that the Lord gave me this man to walk through this life with me and he would never want me to be with anyone else. I thank God for my husband and for protecting my marriage through the hard days and renewing it in a way that I will never have to doubt im with the one chosen for me.
8/16/2012 7:16:34 AM
Donna United States
Donna
I do believe in soul mates. My husband and I have been married for just over 2 years, but have known each other for almost 11. This is not the first marriage for either of us. We both feel that we have found our soul mate this time and that God is guiding us in ways that we never allowed him to before. I agree with Renee that each of us is teaching the other things and we grow together each and every day. While our walk with the Lord has been more difficult than most can imagine, we feel our strength in our marriage growing as we lean into God in the hard times as well as the good times. As my husband leads our family of 10 I know every day that this is the man that God intended me to be with.
8/16/2012 8:05:55 AM
Mike Hutchko United States
Mike Hutchko
Over 35 years ago, after a recent divorce, I had joined a singles group and a woman about 15 years older than me had her designs on me, but I wasn't really interested. I met this wonderful woman there and we would hang out together at group functions.  One time as I was driving with 5 other people in the car and the elderly woman was sitting next to me, I would reach back to the back seat where my wife-to be and we would hold hands.  That is when I knew we were to be married.  I firmly believe to this day that God put us together for his purpose.  We've had a wonderful 35 years together ever since.
8/16/2012 8:06:38 AM
Tatiana Emilia United States
Tatiana Emilia
I also believe in the concept of "soul mates." Though I am only 16, and have yet to find my own, I have the example of my parents to looks at. My mom became a Catholic at college, but even though she dated a lot of guys looking for "the one," she could never find him. Eventually she decided to become a nun, as soon as she finished grad school. There, on a lonely Valentines day, her class decided to get ice cream. Only one guy was left out, this sad, kinda grungy guy who had just broken up with his girlfriend of 7 years. So my mom invited him along, and the two began to talk there about religion. He was in the process of becoming a Christian, and the two had many arguments before they realized they were in love. Only 4 months after they met, they were married, and they've been together for 22 years, and have 10 children and #11 due in november. (I'm #3) My dad became a full-fledged Catholic a month after I was born. They are perfect soul mates, not because they are exactly the same, but because their differences complement each other. The know that God led them together, even when it was hard an lonely, and He's always taken care of us. We've never needed to go on welfare, or taken food stamps. We have a house, lots of friends, and best of all, a God who has planned everything for the good of his faithful children. Smile
8/16/2012 9:01:08 AM
Laura United States
Laura
REALITY. My 21 year marraige ended in divorce and I believe a major contributing factor was that from the very first day and even before the first day, we tried to stay away from the hard realities we did not want to look at in ourselves. I believe that both of us wanted the "storybook" family with a hapily ever after at the end but we could not or would not or just chose NOT to "get real" with ourselves and each other. This proved to be a fatal pattern in our relationship. We developed a "script" which masked the issues that were cancerous to our relationship. We both needed help with some deep pain that we had lived with since childhood. I personally did get help, counseling and support through Christ centered resources but he would not. He just worked, and worked, and worked, and ran as fast as he could in order to numb his pain. We accepted this as our "normal" and it was true, that was normal for us both just to live with it~ but it isolated us from each other in profound ways that made true intimacy of ANY kind virtually impossible. Finally, my husband broke under the strain and said, "I can't do this anymore" I will never forget those words. I knew that the only way we could continue on was if we got the help we had needed for so many many years. I was willing to blow the cover off of the thing and look at the realities and get help. He was not able to do that, or just chose not to, or whatever. 4 years later, I look back and see that I would have done myself and my children a favor by calling it what it was and demanding that we both get the help we needed. I always thought that a "good Christian wife" just waited and prayed but I see now that I had a responsibility as well to protect our family from the cancer that was destroying us. I chose to just keep putting on the mask every day and reading the script. God has healed me beyond words and I NEVER thought I would ever be able to say that~ He is also healing my children who are now adults and I am amazed. He has done for my family what I was not able to do. When it was all falling apart, I begged God "Just tell me what to do! I'll do anything!" He responded to my heart clearly and I'll never forget what He said "Watch and see what I (bold case "I") will do." And I have been absolutely amazed. HE CAN DO ANYTHING! He gives beauty for ashes and strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for dispair~ He has done this for me and I stand in awe everyday.
8/16/2012 9:50:54 AM
Cathy United States
Cathy
TRY "Helpmeet " it covers all the bases including the soul. I have three sisters and all have been divorced from their first one has been married 3 times and says it a "quota" she's was after, another sister's  was abusive and the third one's was adultery. I chose to let The Lord choose my spouse and He did and the one with the "quota " decided I should die instead of get married. She is now going through cancer for the second time!  It is a very devastating situation.  I wish I had prayed for my family more specificly, I really do!
8/16/2012 9:59:14 AM
Paula United States
Paula
I have been married to my husband for 27+ years. I believe he is my soul mate but believing this doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and roses every single day! We didn't have a single clue what being married for a long time was supposed to be like as we were both from broken, extremely disfunctional homes. All we knew was that we loved each other, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together trying to make each other happy & that we would do that one day at a time. We knew it was gonna be hard work-our parents gave up & we had already decided not to go down the same path!! As we have grown older, our relationship with one another has become stronger and I believe-I know that it is stronger because of our faith in God and how we have put Him at the center of our lives and all of our decisions.......why we didn't do this all those years ago is beyond me??!! Anyway, after all these years, we are still learning to be together! Every day is new-a grown son with his first job; a daughter beginning her first year of college; we are about to arrive full circle-the life we had BC(before children)in the house.....when we first were in love and on our own. When we first discovered we were soulmates. I am thankful, I am lucky, I am blessed.
8/16/2012 10:39:08 AM
Elizabeth Andrus Belize
Elizabeth Andrus
I could not read all the comments left, but as far as the article is concerned, I agree an disagree. I am recently married to the man I can only describe as my best friend and my soul mate. I am 26 and he is 34, both older ages in our cultures to get married. Although God has taken us on different journeys in life, we both remained faithful to each other even when we didn't know each other.  When I first became a Christian one of the first things God put on my heart was the desire to remain sexual pure and wait for a Prince, a son after His heart. I was a baby believer and a 1st generation Christian.  I looked around and decided that God would have to do a miracle because I inherited so many family problems, it would take a strong man to understand the drama.  My beloved grew up in a Christian home . His family traditions expected him to get married and lead a practical, honourable life.  Unfortunately, he did not live up to the standard.  All the girls around him bore him. They lacked a sense of adventure and think out of the box-ness that he loved.  So he spend much of his young adult life travelling, working, and doing different things. When we met, we were instantly friends. He is the stability that I need and I am the adventure he needs. His rich Christian values taught to him from small encourage me but my liberate free thinking and search the scripture out to see what it really says attitude sets him free. We are such soulmates that we have sympathy pains like I never saw. If he had a bad day at work, I am grumpy even before he get home.  When I am having PMS he feels bloated and achy. We don't have children, but if we ever do, I won't be surprised if he has strange craving during the pregnancy!
8/16/2012 12:23:41 PM
Arthur King United States
Arthur King
I am single and I believe there's nothing like 'soul mate' in Christian world, it only exists outside Christianity and I believe the term is mostly used when a man and a woman are in a love relationship based on what they're seeing or getting from their mate at the time when things seems to be going alright and not when things are unpleasant. I've never been married and after reading the devastation in the cases I've read it only strengthen my resolve not to do anything in my own understanding.

I believe as Christians we are directed to trust in the Lord and acknowledge Him in all our ways including dating/courtship that leads to marriage. Jeremiah 17:5 shows us how deceitful and wicked human heart is and it's only our creator who can discern and divide and separate the soul and the intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12-13)

I believe in true love though; since love never fails and the power of love can bear all situations that any two committed people finds themselves in just like in the very 1st mentioned love relationship recorded in the Bible, God Himself is the one who begun and sustained it all through the 930 years.

A few times over I found myself using this term however, I've since ceased to use it after realizing that feelings fluctuate and causes our vocabulary to change along BUT God never changes and if we allow Him our 'mate' in the beginning of a love relationship as He designed it, them we can be sure of a thriving union of two different people.    
8/16/2012 1:17:10 PM
Jessica United States
Jessica
I think soulmates are real because God has people destined for certain people to be together. Plus, you are married to that person for a reason, so why would you divorce??? Praying and seeking God first in any relationship, especially marriage, I believe would be the thing to keep a "soul mate couple" together.
8/16/2012 3:36:49 PM
Davjohn United States
Davjohn
There's no such thing as a soul mate, unless you're Hindu.
Arranged marriages have a better chance of working than the soul mate marriage. Even in arranged marriages both people understand what is expected to make the marriage work. The key concept is to make the marriage work. It's not automatic. The old wives quote is "Scrubbin' lasts, kissin' don't."
The Bible tells husbands to love their wives and wives to obey their husbands. It says nothing about warm fuzzy romance, hearts fluttering and dreamy cow eyes.
In the Christian belief system, it's up to two people to create a marriage under God's rules and to make it happen by Biblical concepts. Soul mates is a metaphysical concept incompatible with Biblical Christian concepts.
8/16/2012 4:27:43 PM
Wendy United States
Wendy
Davjohn- "soulmate" may just be a phrase to discribe the feeling that you get when you've met the "one" but I do not agree with what you said about the lack of "romance" in marriage. The book of Song of Solomon is the most explicit book I've ever read! And it's the best example that we have on how a "Christian" marriage should be; from courtship, to marriage and during marriage. God did not design marriage to be a monotonous relationship and I believe that many marriages end up in divorce because they have forgotten the meaning of being romantic with their spouse.
Of course, we cannot forget to respect each other and to be faithful with one another, and we most definitely must not forget to make God the center of our relationship!
I'm only 22 and have not married yet, but I know that for a relationship to last there has to be love, respect, romance, and passion (for each other but most importantly we should be passionate for God first.) I believe that relationships should be enjoy, in a save and pure way...I mean, God created humans and not robots.
8/16/2012 6:54:59 PM
Connie United States
Connie
Thank you Wendy! I LOVED what you had to say!
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