Aug 24 2010

Surviving Divorce

Dr. Paul Meier of the Meier Clinics talked today about the pain of divorce and how to make it through and find hope on the other side. You can see all the points that Dr. Meier addressed by visiting the website for the Meier Clinics here: http://www.meierclinics.com/xm_client/client_documents/Divorce_Recovery_8-24-2010_KLOV.pdf

Listen to Dr. Meier HERE.

Check out last weeks discussion on Divorce Prevention.

Comments (37) -

8/18/2010 6:13:36 PM
Lori United States
Lori
I listened to most of "Surviving Divorce" and am wondering if God would be telling me or sending me signs to divorce my husband.  I feel He is, but I don't know if God would encourage someone to leave the marriage even if there hasn't been  love or support for a few years and there has been lots of emotional/verbal abuse.  Does God really want us to break our marriage vows?
8/18/2010 6:17:26 PM
alexis United States
alexis
hi i am 15 and have 2 younger sisters. as of new years we have been going trough a divorce. i wasnot a believer till the night they told us and i felt god with we and has been guiding me through my life and trying to help me save my sisters. i came from a family of athiests so to have his presence with me that night was enough to change my life. so now, i will be a beliver of christ and live in his life.
8/18/2010 6:22:56 PM
ally yost United States
ally yost
Going thru an abusive marriage, Praise the lord for bring me to this program, I know i can leave, now pray for forgivness and the courage and wisdom to be safe for myself and my children!
8/18/2010 11:27:26 PM
Wendy United States
Wendy
My husband and I are both divorced from our child(rens) other parents.  We are trying to combine our "yours mine and ours" into ours, but his ex-wife  REFUSES to move on.  She is constantly causing problems and getting the kids involved in the middle.  We have even found a church home here, where God has been speaking and leading us.  His oldest asked if she would be able to come to church with us the next weekend--we only have them everyother weekend--of which we said of course!!  But you will need to ask your mom.  When his daughter asked her mom if she could come to church with us the next weekend, she said, No, Its MY weekend.  And since when did You (my husband) become soo religous?

We are praying to God daily to help us work thru this, and to keep us on His path, but sometimes, it gets to be toooo much.  What is there that we can do, if anything?
8/18/2010 11:31:52 PM
Sue Kim United States
Sue Kim
I am currently going thru separation and inevitably a divorce soon to come.  My husband left us(my baby girls) for another woman.  It's been 6months since it's happened.  God has really been able to help me forgive.  I have now found new hope/joy/love in my heart for GOD and for my girls.  My heart does not ache anymore.  All possible thru the grace of God.  He is just so powerful and I love him soooo much.  Dr. Meier talked about how vengence is up to God.  I agree that if they keep living that way in sin, God will not bless their relationship and ultimately vengence from God will happen.  I pray for my husband and his girlfriend so they can seek God for forgiveness and live a godly life so vengence does not happen to them.  The only sad thing about this whole thing is that I don't get to see my stepson and the girls don't get to see their stepbrother often.  I pray for him that they can still have a close relationship.
8/18/2010 11:38:21 PM
K United States
K
I have to say wow...18 months ago my husband of 20 years came home, after being out of town and let me know he had found his soul mate and I wasn't it...He got back into contact with his ex-girlfriend from middle school and this was God's way of ensuring his happiness...He had never loved me, I never made him happy etc... Prior to that, we barely fought, had a marriage most people would envy and I never had a clue he was unhappy. 3 months after admitting he cheated, he walked out while I was at work one day leaving behind our 2 sons as well. He moved in with her and basically never looked back as I stood in the rubble he left behind...After 14 months I finally relented and asked my Pastor for his blessing in filing for a divorce yet I couldn't even take that final step...So because I was so torn, I took the steps to move forward for me and my boys...I found a new Church home, was saved and baptized and surrounded myself with people of faith...The day I walked into that Church I was suicidal...Completely heartbroken and I didn't know where to go anymore...That was the first time in over 20 years I had walked into a Church and I am now enrolled in school to become something I never, ever thought I would be - A Pastor...I am still married, he is still living with her and now, today after listening to Dr. Meier, I know finally in my heart, I will be ok filing...God will forgive me because He knows I did everything I possibly could to save my marriage...Now I know one person can't save something that someone else doesn't want. Thank you - To my Father above, who lifted me out of the ashes that continued to suffocate me me...Thank you KLove & Dr. Meier.
8/18/2010 11:38:47 PM
Corinne United States
Corinne
Divorce can affect up to 5 generations:
Your grandparents
Your parents
You
Your children
Your grandchildren

All of whom must figure out how their lives will work when it comes to holidays & celebrations like graduations, marriages, births and of course holidays.  Let's also not forget your friends. They will not know whom to support and thus many will pull away from both divorcing people.
8/18/2010 11:42:23 PM
Andrea United States
Andrea
There is hope.  I was a ministry leader for 5 years of a Christ centered program called Divorce Care and Divorce Care for Kids.  It centers on healing through God.  Please go to www.dc4k.org for more info and meeting places and times in your area.
8/18/2010 11:42:58 PM
Monica Hearn United States
Monica Hearn
I never went through a divorse with a spouse but with my parents when they went through one. The parents go through it but the kids go through it as well. When I was fourteen my parents got a divorse me and my little brother ended up in a foster home for a year 1/2 it was very hard for both of us everything changed all around, but we both made it throug this thing. Today I am a pastors wife I made it through this and all because the Lord never left my side. Its not all about the parents it about the kids as well it is harder on the kids than the parents.
8/18/2010 11:43:54 PM
charity United States
charity
I'm 37 and my husband is abusive, but he believes in Christ and we attend church together. I have a son who is almost 15 and we have a daughter almost 5. I'm so lost, please pray for me and my family.
8/18/2010 11:46:31 PM
Sara United States
Sara
Wow, thanks you guys for bringing this topic up! I was an abused wife for 3 year years until I left my husband with a 6 month old in tow. That was over 12 years ago, and God and God alone took care of us and showed Himself in ways I never would have expected. My son is now a happy, healthy, and well adjusted 13 year old and I am still a single Mom. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I know He has been my comforter and supporter, the lover of my soul for the last 12+ years! There is hope and recovery after divorce; it is NOT the end of your story!
8/18/2010 11:47:56 PM
Joel United States
Joel
I wonder how could we just throw in da towel on our marriage.. on our spouse? If God hasn't given up on us, why should we give up on them. As Christians we preach bout da love of God to da world.. But when it comes to us, why can't we feel dat same love we have for the world. Nowadays ppl talk bout divorce as if it was a car that you're just had enough w/. We don't want to fight for our marriage because society nowadays encourage folks to move on. God doesn't want us to divorce. He speaks bout divorce if our spouse was to cheat on us or us on them, but not because we can't get along. Pease ppl, are u really ready to throw in da towel? If so.... Can Jesus Christ throw in da towel on us?
8/18/2010 11:51:34 PM
Mary United States
Mary
After a 17 year marriage, my husband had an affair, unfortunately he couldn't decided whether he wanted his family or his girlfriend. This went on for a year.  I protected our 3 children then ages 7, 11 amd 13 from what was going on until 6 months into him moving in and out. At the one year mark he told me that he wanted out and at that point two women from my church came over and helped me gather all his stuff from around the house, clothes personal items etc (he was at worked when he made this decision) and we delivered his items to him in plastic bags at his job at 2:00 am (he worked the graveyard shift with his girlfriend) dumped it in the parking lot called him and told he that he was no longer welcomed at his "home"...  The women of the church stayed with me as I totally fell apart.  The next day I had to inform the children now 8, 12 and 14 (oldest is a girl, two younger are boys) that their day had moved out.  The following weeks he would have little contact with them.   To make a long story short this happened in 1991... my daughter now 34 will have nothing to do with me, she will not let me see my grandchildren because of the way I fell apart after the divorce.  She feels that she had to take care of me.  Yes I suffered from severe depression and was hospitalized once during that time.  But I worked with a therapist and things got better and I was there for them.  When will she ever forgive me.. or will she.  She has told me to my face that this is the problem and she does not want to take care of me anymore.  I just want to give up trying to be part of her family and forget my grandchildren.  It takes to much energy.  When my first grand daughter was born, my daughter was divorced from her first husband and she relied on me heavily... I bought the crib, the changing table, she wouldn't push in the delivery room until I was there (I was taking a break after standing next to her for 8 hours) I gave her my car when I bought a new one.  I bought her a mobile home and fixed it up.. she walked away from it and didn't let me know and we lost it to the park management who tore it down, so I lost all my money.. I also gave her my washer/dryer/stove/fridge...lost those also.  Then she remarried someone with money and I was cut from her life.  I was diagnosised with colorectal cancer in 2005 and underwent major surgery and am out on disabilty and can't ask her for any help because it is a hardship for her.  I am so confused.  This is why I just want to give up on her.  My other two children are not this way, they are both loving and caring towards me.
8/18/2010 11:51:57 PM
Carmen United States
Carmen
My 27 yr old daughter was set aside after 3 years of marriage b/c he wanted her on his terms not on equal ground. He claimed 2 be a christian but his fruit proved otherwise. anyway she has 4given him after alot of time w/JESUS & us her parents, she is now teaching her new boyfriend 2 4give his x-wife & just hearing how JESUS is healing all parties including her boyfriend's 8 year old daughter is beautiful b4 GOD. I am sorry that K-LOVE is not offered in Tulsa,OK, but she has JESUS word . All this has transpired within the past 6 months. GOD is awesome...She was raised w/the foundation of JESUS so I believe that has made a huge difference.
8/18/2010 11:52:08 PM
Mae Canada
Mae
I have been married twice and divorced twice. I suffered from terrible abuse in both marriages. I am a born again Christian for the past 5 yrs. Prsently, I am single and seeking the Lord for direction. In the past I thought of how I made a mess of my life. But thanks to the Lord I know that I have can turn to the Lord for all the help. I felt I was being judged harshly, but Jesus knows my heart. God bless and please pray for me.
8/19/2010 12:00:25 AM
Linda Davie United States
Linda Davie
my first marriage was not what i thought it was going to be. as much as i loved my husband at the time, he really was NOT an active participant in the marriage.  he was also an alcoholic, which made any kind of logic, reasoning, counselling useless.  i would pray to God and say "i can't take this, Lord, you need to help me here", thinking at the time that he would "fix" my husband.  eventually, my husband cheated on me, and i had some decisions to make.  after doing everything in my power to save the marriage, i realized i had no choice but to let it go. that was really tough to do with a 3 year old son...i was not really wanting to be a single mom.  when i really thought about it though...i kind of already was!  i was pretty angry with God that my son would have to go through this....but i could not turn my back on Him.
i have always loved the Lord and believed in his unconditional love, but my spiritual growth during the divorce was an absolute gift from God! i attended several divorce support groups in a local church, made some strong connections with people struggling with the same issues, worked through some childhood issues with my parents (and in the process helped them heal a few things between themselves), and finally understood what it really meant to trust and love God with my entire heart, soul, and mind.  what a gift to be able to give my son in the midst of his stressful little world! he now knows what God can do with our heartache and pain and that you can give it to Him and trust he will make it into something beautiful.  i learned that although i didn't cause my husband to cheat, nor did i deserve it, i did have to take some responsibility and look at what happened and what i could have done differently/better.  i did NOT want to go through divorce ever again!  
it was a long, slow healing process for me.  but i needed to be right with  myself before even thinking about another relationship.  i began to pray for the man God had intended for me...and that we BOTH would be prepared for a relationship THROUGH Him.
long story short, about 5 years after my divorce and about two years after i began that prayer...i met Paul.  we were friends who had been through a similar journey, and as we shared those journeys with one another we could see God's hand in the entire story! we had crossed paths on many occasions...never realizing what He had in store for us! and yet...we never COULD have fully appreciated each other without having walked those individual paths first. (our wedding song was Bebo Norman's A Page Is Turned)
to those who think divorce is terrible and "real christians" don't get divorces - i pray you find it in your heart to not judge those who must divorce. and if you are someone who is worried you will fall from God's grace if you have/must divorce--please know He is with you every minute, feeling your pain and waiting for you to trust Him -- let go and let God. sure...you have some hard work ahead of you letting go of the pain, anger, fear...forgiving those who hurt you.  but i can guarentee the ONLY way to let that all go is with God's help.
please contact me if anyone needs to hear more...this is definitely the "abridged" version, LOL! but i am SO blessed right now to have the most amazing relationship...beyond what i imagined! and i than God every day...literally!!!
8/19/2010 12:01:32 AM
Joy Weaver United States
Joy Weaver
I just wanted to share how awesome God was while I was going through my Divorce.  My husband left me in 2000 and I had two girls to take care of.  One of them was my Step Daughter, but she had decided to stay with me rather than go with her Dad.  I had a 15 year old and a 5 year old.  In 2002, the 15 year old left, and then when my youngest was 10, she went to live with her Dad.  All this time, for 6 years, I had been praying and asking God what it was that I had done to make them all leave.  I had started praying this when my Husband first left and had not received an answer.  I kept trying to figure it out myself and then we had a Missionary come to our church and he preached about Job.  Not that I am in anyway a comparison to Job, but he kept talking about what Job had and how much he had lost.  And then came the whole point to his message, and he said "Job never did anything wrong."  I am sitting in church and just start crying uncontrollably because God was talking directly to me.  This Missionary had no idea what my situation was, but God used him for that reason.  Since then, both my children have come back around and told me they were wrong to leave and came back with a heart attitude that only God can give.  So, I just want someone out there to know that even when it seems like you have lost everything, God is still there working and he will make it worth it!!!!
8/19/2010 12:04:59 AM
Lisa United States
Lisa
About 10 years ago, my ex-husband was unfaithful to me. We had been together for nearly 10 years (includes dating and marriage). He had a long-term extra-marital relationship with a woman we met together through a mutual friend. I did not know about the affair for at least a year and just one month after I found out about the affair, we found out this woman was pregnant with his child. We did not have any children together (something I am thankful for now) and so this was another blow to my already broken heart. As much as I always thought I would draw a hard line if there was ever an affair, God softened my heart to my husband at the time and I desperately wanted to save my marriage. We did separate within a couple of months as he felt the need to take care of this woman when she was first pregnant to ensure the baby was not aborted; however, we did not divorce. After about 4 months, he moved back in, we went to counseling and seemed to be making some headway until his son was born. He chose to leave me once again to take care of her and meet his son. Once he saw his baby, he was sure he wanted to divorce. However, he did not want to be the one to "make that decision". So, we separated again. After about a year of this back and forth craziness, we happened to run into each other in an airport and he again felt it was good for us to try counseling. Through that process, it became clear that he seriously felt like he was in love with two women. He said one as his "soul mate" (the other woman) and me as his "best friend". Throughout this time I spent so much time in God's word, seeking Godly counsel through my church.  Eventually through prayer and being able to agree in prayer with other believers through my church, it was time for me to give up and move on with my life because my ex-husband was not going to "make that decision". Now, I do not provide all of this to slander my ex-husband but to provide you background into what I went through. I can vouch that it is one of the most difficult situations I have ever gone through, but I want to offer encouragement because it was also one of the most peaceful times in my life because I chose to look to God, to His Word, to seek counsel of Godly people through my church and prayed hard. I don't know how many times I read through all of the gospels where Jesus discussed divorce and for many months I was frustrated because I didn't feel there was anything definitive (i.e., giving me the answer). However, through prayer and Godly counsel, I learned that every word of the BIble is GOD BREATHED, even the ones that seemingly say different things. I found that the Word did say the same thing, no matter where it was found in the Bible. God hates divorce, Jesus hates divorce, we should hate divorce. However, there are times when there is unfaithfulness and when a non-believer will not stay with you that provides for divorce. What I learned was this was not to be taken out of context so as not to just up and divorce when unfaithfulness occurs because we are all prone to wonder, even from a loving, forgiving God. I think that if both parties are willing and committed to work on rebuilding trust and committing to one another again, then divorce should not be an option. This is hard work because trust needs to be rebuilt and boundaries need to be set to aid in rebuilding that trust.

Divorce is hard and difficult and I still cry my eyes out when I hear of a loved one that may be going through a similar situation. However, we can choose to allow God to use it for good or we can blame God. I chose to allow God to use it for good and so many people shared with me how encouraged they were just to observe my reaction to such a tough situation to help in their own situations (not even divorce but just other really tough situations). God even used that time in my life to draw me closer to Him, I had a number of people in my life come to Christ because of the peace they saw in my life despite my circumstances. So, I just encourage those out there to just keep lifting up their eyes to the Lord, cry out to Him and he will lift you up and bring you out of this situation and you will be blessed for leaning on Him. God Bless!
8/19/2010 12:05:06 AM
Sherry United States
Sherry
God always knows when we need to hear those words that it is okay. I was married for 25 years. The 20th year I was diagnosed with cancer. My spouse didn't know how to overcome the pain so he started to go out at 10:00pm and come home at 4:00am. He said he still loved me but would tell me who he was with (a female). In his eyes he wasn't doing anything wrong as long as I knew. I tried to tell him how much it hurt me. Response was "If you don't want me to have any fun or friends, I'll stop". He did stop but moved on to another female friend by helping her out with her problems.
We separated for 2 years but he still did not stop. We are in the process of Divorce with which I still struggle with. I am thankful for a wonderful God's Support, a Wonderful Church Family and for the Support of my earthly Father and being raised in a Christian home.
Thank you for those encouraging words.
8/19/2010 12:31:20 AM
Tim United States
Tim
my wife left me and my 2 children- 3 and 6.something has changed in her in the past 2 years. she hs accused me from assaulting my kids to never loving her. right now we are going through custody and she has brought charges against me on my 6 yr old. and yet i have ex parte custody. God is holding on to me but it does hurt and to see what it is doing to the kids is terrible. pray for me for a good attitude and for my wife that she'll meet God head on and realize what she is doig. also for the kids that they'll not hurt. she claims to be a christian but has not been to church in over a year. it's a real mess right now
8/19/2010 12:33:01 AM
Larry Thomas United States
Larry Thomas
I recently went through a divorce after 24 years of marriage. It has been the most heart wrenching event of my life. My wife and I were in counceling with our pastor, and she was determined to leave. I have prayed to do as Dr. Meir suggests in his article. Am growing in my faith and seeking to get more active in my church, but still feel guilty about being someone who is divorced. Never thought we would be, God has demonstrated His great love to me, thanks for this timely piece on klove.
8/19/2010 1:07:03 AM
Danniel Mines United States
Danniel Mines
Was listening on the way home and was confused why Kelli did not challenge Dr Meier's statement.   It sounded like a secular counselor's comment when Dr Meier stated after you are healed from your divorce and are happy again go find another mate.  This is completely contrary to God's word.  Marriage is not a "if at first you don't succeed try try again".  Marriage is a commitment and according to the God's word Moses suffered to give the people a writ of divorce and God intends marriage for life except in cases of infidelity and abuse but if it does not work out you don't get a do over. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys in blended families get abused sexually, mentally, and physically. As Christians we all fall short but should not cause sin on purpose (adultery/remarriage) just because God will forgive. Lastly it was Man not God who condoned divorce. In closing if KLOVE continues to allow the word of God to be perverted without rebuttal then my family and I will have to find another radio station to listen to.
8/19/2010 2:27:27 AM
Linda Davie United States
Linda Davie
in response to daniel mines:
have you taken the time to read what dr. meier has written that is posted at the link above?

i would guess that you have never been divorced...i used to think that people didn't really try or just didn't care, but my personal experience and the many people i've met who have been or are in the process of divorce says otherwise.

you said "as christians we all fall short but should not cause sin on purpose just because God will forgive". how then, do you justify your judgement and condemnation of those who are divorced/divorcing? isn't judgement God's job?  do you judge "just because God will forgive"? often those things/topics we are so judgemental about are a direct reflection of traits within ourselves that we are fearful of.

you also say "if it does not work out, you don't get a do over".  i think perhaps you've missed God's message COMPLETELY!  God is TOTALLY about getting a do-over!!! if you  recognize your mistakes and are truly sorry...he WILL forgive you and you can start again! that is why He gave us his Son to die for our sins and rise again...so we, too, have that opportunity!

i challenge you to find another radio station the is MORE in tune with God's love and his word than KLOVE! i pray for you and your family...being that perfect all the time must be a burden.  why don't you ask God to share that load? i think you'll be pleasantly surprised at his response!
8/19/2010 3:14:51 AM
Tori leach United States
Tori leach
Hey well I'm 14 and my parents have been divorced for around 10 years and i just wanted to say that having divorce parents is a VERY tough thing to go through and i have helped many kids that are going through this. Well i just always have the concern that I'm going to get a divorce when im married and i dont really know what to do when i think of that...
8/19/2010 3:45:13 AM
Cathy United States
Cathy
Re: Danniel Mines and Linda Davie - this is the issue I struggle with.  I have been divorced twice.  I know where I was wrong and where I have been wronged.  I have confessed my sin and recieved God's forgiveness, and am slowly allowing God to remove my shame and guilt.  What I'm not sure about is whether I can/should remarry, according to Scripture.  I have learned from my mistakes and want to be in a godly marriage, but I just don't know if it's God's will according to His Word.
8/19/2010 10:31:43 AM
Shari United States
Shari
A year ago, I found out my husband was having affair. We went to counseling for 3 months and I later found out he was still with his girlfriend the whole time, so I filed for divorce.  Our divorce was finalized in January.  We also have a 4 year old son, and my ex became verbally and emotionally abusive.
But...with GOD and his grace HE has brought me sooo much closer to HIM through this storm.  This divorce was for God's glory and HIS will was done.  It was very painful, depressing, and hurtful, but with GOD everything is possible and HE gave me strength and made me renewed in HIM.
I am starting a new LifeGroup at my church for others going thru separation and divorce tomorrow night!! And, I am sooo excited that God is using me even through the horrible situation of a divorce!
To God be the Glory!
8/19/2010 4:19:29 PM
Susan United States
Susan
I heard on the Scott and Kelli show re: "...comments on getting thru divorce"...  I got thru my divorce in working thru receiving God's forgiveness for what was happening and whatever I did to contribute, my faith grew greatly because God was all I had, and I could actually "see" daily that God was by my side all the way.  God is STILL by my side and has blessed me and my children.  It has not been easy, but God has been GOOD to all us all the way along.  He is ALL I have.  Summary of my experience:  HOLD onto God at all times, He will see you through, it is not easy, trust God with all your heart and soul.
8/19/2010 5:32:38 PM
Karla United States
Karla
I was pregnant and found out that my husband was having an affair at work. I confronted him many times. He always denied it. He also has a drinking problem and so he promised he would change before d baby arrived. As I came to my 7th month, I new he wouldn't. I was not saved yet. But I started preparing myself emotionally and mentally. When my lil baby was born, I never went home. I left my husband.I started attending a church and accepted Christ in my heart. The  first 3 months we didn't see him. But then he started calling, helping me out, and coming around. He asked for a second chance... I believed in him. We bought a house and last Nov I found out he was having another affair. Or affairs I should say. I caught him with 3 different girls. He was soooo offended that he came home and packed his stuff and left us. Night before Thanksgiving he came home to bring our son a  toy and I asked him to join my family and I for Thanksgiving tomorrow. That Wed he asked if he could stay, he didn't have a place to stay. Then after Thanksgiving dinner he said he was sorry it wasn't what it seemed. Still denied every incident. I forgave him, I loved him. And things were sort of ok. But since like 5 months ago, he started coming home late, started not coming home about 2/3 times a week. Found some condoms, hotel receipts, etc...  I have lost my patience w him. He DENIES everything. And I can't be right w d Lord as long as I feel anger, as long as I am cursing at him, everyone tells me different advice? I feel lost, our lil one is 3 yrs old. He still has his drinking Problem. Please pray for me, for God to give me a Word, to tell me what path to take.  As long as he's not willing to change, or repent from his heart I don't think there is anything to restore. Thinking about filing for divorce.  
8/20/2010 6:20:03 AM
Susan Roe United States
Susan Roe
My husband of 33 years left me for another women.  I had no clue he was unhappy in our marriage and seeking his soul mate elsewhere.  For the first few months I was an emotional wreck, even to the point of suicide trying to figure out what I had done wrong and how I could of saved my marriage.  I am thankful for my family, my adult chidren and my friends.  I have been in counseling for 6 months and just recently signed up for Divorce Recovery classes at my church.  The fear of not knowing where my next meal will come from and if I'll have a roof over my head have now subsided, as I know if God will take care of the lilies he will take care of me. This has been a long battle to reach this point in my life.  I still have many sleepless nights, and still question why, but I'm taking one day at time to see where I end up.  I am looking to find job as my husband was my provider and I have no income on my own.  Divorce is like a death without a body to mourn.  We must continue to pray for one another as we face this difficult journey.  
8/20/2010 9:46:45 AM
Lisa United States
Lisa
Hey well I'm 14 and my parents have been divorced for around 10 years and i just wanted to say that having divorce parents is a VERY tough thing to go through and i have helped many kids that are going through this. Well i just always have the concern that I'm going to get a divorce when im married and i dont really know what to do when i think of that...

Tori, please know that God has you wrapped in His arms. I grew up in a home full of alcoholism, physical abuse, verbal abuse, etc. I've seen a lot of really bad stuff during a time when I should have had an innocent view of the world and worrying about what fun game I would play next with my kids, not about whether someone was going to get beat that night. But, I want to tell you that today, I am NOT an alcoholic, my kids will never hear a foul word out of my mouth, there is not yelling and screaming and broken furniture. My point is that we can rely on God to provide what we need. I needed to have a loving, positive, God-centered home for my children and I prayed for that. God was faithful and came through. I can't guarantee that you will not go through difficult times, but if you stay focused on God, continually looking to His Word to show you what your future husband should look like and WAIT for the Lord the bring that husband that he has hand-picked for you, I know God will be faithful in fulfilling your dream of not enduring divorce. We don't have to live in the footsteps of our parents or even generations of our families. We can stop it by trusting in the Lord and remaining focused on Him. My family and I will pray for you as we know how difficult it is on children in divorced families.

God Bless!
Lisa
8/20/2010 9:58:49 AM
Linda Davie United States
Linda Davie
karla...praying for you.  i remember being so angry at my ex for his cheating and what he was putting me and our son through...and the struggle with all that anger and trying to be right with God.  God can take the anger...he knows you have every right to be angry given your situation.  it's that unsettled feeling, though, that made me work as hard as possible to let go of the anger and work toward forgiveness as that's what He calls us to do.  but karla...it doesn't happen overnight, so keep asking God to help you.  remember your child, and that he learns how to treat others based on what he sees you doing.  as angry as i was at my ex, i would pray for God's grace before i had to see him so i would be civil around my son. you are right in realizing that if your husband is not going to truly participate in getting help for himself there is no way you alone can save the  marriage.  people with addictions and addictive behaviors are not rational or logical...and they have a way of making you feel like YOU are the crazy one! speak to your priest/pastor and see if they think there is anything more for you to try. i spoke to two pastors who believed i had done everything possible for the two years we were separated.  when i finally realized that trying to save something so broken was taxing me mentally, i prayed that God forgive me for filing for divorce.  When i finally let go of the relationship,the internal peace i felt was my answer. that's not to say i wasn't sad anymore...i really took my vows seriously.  but the person i had become trying to deal with his drinking, lying, and disappointing our son repeatedly was NOT someone who was whole. God helped me restore that wholeness, and i am eternally grateful to Him. God bless, karla.
8/20/2010 10:28:10 AM
Linda Davie United States
Linda Davie
in response to cathy:
if i understand you correctly, you are struggling with whether or not the bible says you can remarry? if you have been married twice, why is your understanding suddenly different? or is it your feelings of guilt and shame that make you think you are not worthy? or the judgement of others who believe that once you have fallen from grace, you are no longer worthy of God's love?  traditional sects of the mormon church believe God's word supports multiple wives! most christian faiths/denominations are based on beliefs that THEIR interpretation of the scripture is the ONLY way to salvation.  isn't it amazing how many interpretations there are of the bible? all which can be twisted to serve whatever agenda one has.  why does God allow that? in my opinion, he knows people are all different and as individuals, we will be led to him through many different paths.  ultimately though, being CHRISTIAN in my honest opinion means being "like Christ".  and knowing what i know of Jesus Christ...he did not condemn, judge, belittle, persecute anyone.  he loved everyone, respected their beliefs even if he didn't agree, and gave his life for all of us so that we would have eternal life with the Father EVEN THOUGH WE SINNED.  cathy...listen to your heart, because that is God speaking DIRECTLY to YOU.  if you want a godly marriage, and that is what he wants for you, and He leads you to that person...you will know!
8/20/2010 12:16:14 PM
Claire United States
Claire
It is very odd-it's like more and more divorce is happening! I know Dr. Paul Meier.
8/20/2010 8:37:41 PM
mary United States
mary
I have been with my husband for 24 years.He is Bipolar as well. 4 months ago he said he was done with the marriage, because i had found out he cheated.Long story short. I had to give up our apt. because I could no longer afford it by myself. My husband is now living in his car and We(me and my 12&18 yr olds) moved in with my older son and his family. My son lost his place and moved in with his in-laws. Myself and my 12 yr old slept in the car for 1 week and we are now with my in-law but it is only temporary. I will be out of a job come next week. I prayed and told God I could not do this anymore and each time he tells me not give up. My husband does not want anything to do with me or the kids. He said that he had give up on everything. I am a wreck and so are my kids. Any advice?? Please pray for me and my family.
8/22/2010 12:50:07 AM
Carmen United States
Carmen
I was not a christian when I got married @ 19yrs of age (husband was 18)...I cheated on him 4 over a year. When I was caught by some1 else I broke down  & confessed 2 my husband(I was also pregnant did not know whos)...MY HUSBAND TOOK ME IN HIS ARMS TOLD ME HE 4GAVE ME I chose 2 get an abortion & he was against it but he went w/ me 2 drive me home...I GOT SAVED A FEW WEEKS AFTER THAT & Jesus has been cleaning me up ever since. TO DATE I HAVE MY HUSBAND & GOD Has blessed us w/ 3 wonderful children...(I even gave a child up 4 adoption when I was 17).

My husband has NOT once used my life against me( & I had a very abusive sexually verbally & emotionally childhood)...

I am PROOF of Jesus & His Holy Spirit comfort, healing & 4giveness. I thank HIM everyday 4 saving & 4giving me & also 4 the 2nd chance I got 2 have a real FAMILY.

All 3 of our children are Born Again Christians.

I went through 5 years of christian counseling awhile back w/ our pastor & I have noe turned hate, bitterness,anger in2 peace love & fulfillment.

JESUS RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband has shown me the gr8est expression of God's love more than any1 I know.         PTL!!!!!!!
8/28/2010 3:54:42 PM
Kelly United States
Kelly
Divorce is not a sin and the Lord does allow us to move one and have love in our live again, if we follw him and put him first.
I am going through a divorce. Afte 6 yeas of being extremely controlled and abused I finally got the courage to leave. It is hard to see the people who are so judgmental and one sided about divorce. We are the Lords children and he does not want us to stay in a marriage where there is any form of abuse. Just as we would not want our children to be in a situation like that, well the Lord loves us even more than that! He has done nothing but bless me and my children during this pocess. As had as it is I know this is what he wants for me. Would it be better to raise a son to think it is okay to be abusive to women? All I can say to other women is seek God and if you have that peace, then don't worry about what other people say. It is easy to judge when you have never been in the situation. The Lord is our only judge we should concern ourselves with and if he is with us then who can be against us?
2/7/2011 12:12:52 AM
me Ethiopia
me
Before taking an action i want to know more on how to take an action
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