Apr 19 2011

Dr Paul Meier on Dealing with Absent Parents

If you have had trouble relating to your parents, or a parent has been absent in your life, Dr. Meier has some great advice how to handle the situation. Any time you have a question to ask Dr. Meier, please ask. He is more than happy to answer your questions!

 

Here is the advice Dr. Meier shared with Alice today:

Dear Dr. Meier, I am a single professional woman who loves KLOVE and gets a lot of encouragement from Scott and Kelli and the wonderful music they choose. But my heart is heavy today because my Dad died last week. He totally rejected my mother and me when I was just an infant, with very little contact since then. But I am grieving more for him than I even did for my awesome and loving mother who died over a year ago. How could that happen? Sincerely, Alice

 

ANSWER:

Dear Alice,

When you grow up with an absent or rejecting parent, most people will develop a stronger and stronger fantasy that some day, that particular parent will repent and come through and love you the way you deserved to be loved your entire life. You have so much to offer to that rejecting parent, but he (or she) does not ever recognize that, and devotes himself to the “fool’s gold” that the rat race of life offers, missing out on the pure gold of a loving relationship with his own child. So when the absent parent dies, the FANTASY DIES TOO, and THAT is what you are grieving.

 The solution is to realize that there are seven billion people on planet earth, and your father was just one of them—YOUR GENE DONOR. You don’t need his acceptance any more than you need the acceptance of MY father, or that I need the acceptance of your father.  So go ahead and grieve the death of your fantasy, but realize that you DO need to love and be loved by substitute fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters. The church is a good place to find them, but other close friends will help you too. Psalm 68 teaches us that God takes the lonely and places us in substitute families.

 Paul Meier MD

If you'd like to listen to our conversation with Dr. Meier, click here.

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Comments (1) -

4/22/2011 9:04:35 AM
Shari Estopinal United States
Shari Estopinal
I had a absent father for 15 years. I held a lot of resentment and pain over the situation and was unable to forgive over the overdeal. A very good friend from our church prayed with me about it telling me to surrender that pain to my heavenly father and to finally forgive completely. 7 months later I was inoformed through the local news of the death of his nephew. I took the advice of that godly friend and reached out to him during his grief and sorrow. We have had a close relationship since that day. Although, I clearly know I am not his nephew's relacement, I pray that our relationship helps his grievance for my cousin. We both feel like with that dark cloud this was the silver lining. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MIRACLES! K-LOVE fulfills my heart and soul  and as a supporter I will countine to get my spitual milk from it each and everyday!
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