Jul 30 2012

Dealing with Dissapointment - Bouncing Back

How to you handle crushing disappointment? 

Last night in the Olympics, the women's gymnastics competition brought that to light so well. Jordyn Wieber, the reigning World Champion missed out on a chance to compete for the All Around Gold Medal. How would you encourage her?

Jordyn Wieber: Dreams of Individual Gold Deflate After a Lifetime of Focus. abc NEWS 

"It's very sad," said Roni Cohen-Sandler, a clinical psychologist from Weston, Conn., who specializes in adolescent stress.

"I do worry about kids -- and they are kids at 17 -- who feel as if winning a gold medal will completely change their life and make or break them as people," she said. "That's very dangerous."

"Hopefully, their coaches and parents are supportive and not focused only on their successes and failures," she said.

When parents live vicariously through their athlete children, losing can feel like "double failure," said Cohen-Sandler, who is author of the 2005 book, "Stressed Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure."

Jordyn Wieber's mom comforts her with twitter hug. mnn

Jordyn Wieber’s Coach Calls Elimination an ‘Injustice’. abc News

Even Wieber, it appears, has already turned her individual disappointment into a focus on the next goal, the team final on Tuesday with a Tweet.

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Comments (7) -

7/30/2012 1:50:22 PM
Michele United States
Jordyn is really just showing poor sportsmanship.  Is her dreams and hopes any more important than the other competitors? As the Olympic motto states " One's focus should be on bettering one's achievements, rather than on coming in first".   In other word's in not all about me!  It doing your very best, if you don't win, stand proud that you did your best, support your friends, your team, and your Country.  
7/30/2012 2:03:49 PM
Linda Kennett United States
Linda Kennett
We aren't meant to deal with crushing blows alone. We cannot. They are too much without God's help. We went from a middle-income family to poor overnight. Two years into this my dad died. It was a crushingly difficult time. When we find ourselves in a new, difficult situation, it sometime takes years, as it did me, before God gets a hold of us and can begin ministering to our brokenness. Only then are we able say, "It is well with my soul". Jesus means more to me than even this. When I look back now after 6 years, it amazes me to see the eternal treasures and spiritual gains that those years have brought. I can only say to God the glory.  
7/30/2012 2:06:26 PM
Nancy Sliwa United States
Nancy Sliwa
I would tell Jordyn that the journey really is more important than the goal. I suffered a similar disappointment in my life dream to be an astronaut when I was disqualified due to a minor medical condition.  But driving toward that goal made me achieve scholastically, gave me a fulfilling career in NASA, drove me to learn to scuba dive, ski, and fly, which hobbies I still enjoy today, and introduced me to lifelong friends, including my husband of 26 years. My life has been blessed in much more diverse ways than it could have been if I had actually achieved my initial goal. God knows what He's doing! He only denies us a flower to give us a bouquet.
7/30/2012 2:07:19 PM
mark d smith United States
mark d smith
I have known sudden and permanent crushing blows twice both at the loss of my older and younger brothers, i was utterly broken, UNTIL at the end of their funeral services i stood up alone, everyone watching, and began to WORSHIP and PRAISE GOD in JESUS HOLY name. All fell quiet and watched in disbelief UNTIL the HOLY SPIRIT made his move... peace utter peace and JOY begin to fill the chapel room. I wish i had a video clip to show the sudden change in everyone at the services. GOD alone is Eternal Unchanging and Full of Love and grace for each of us, IF we ask.
7/30/2012 2:08:53 PM
Cameron United States
You are depressing me with going on about how sad Jorden is that she did not make it. How about the two that beat her. They seemed pretty happy. If Jorden had given it all, she would not have made mistakes and would be competing for gold.  She made mistakes. If you want to ask people how they handle a situation, ask them how they handle blowing it and knowing it. That is much more difficult than just being out performed.. When you know you could have done better.  She could have won that position.
I have blowen it and had to ask myself why.  That is when you have to lean on God. When you know you are better and you lost focus or got cockey.
Either way, as long as she glorifies god in the way she acts and performs, she has done his will.
7/30/2012 2:48:05 PM
Deborah United States
I am really surprised by some of the comments that people have left. I think that any time any of us have felt devestation we need lifting up instead of tearing down. This afternoon, I had just left the hospital where my dad is. We were just told we had stage three colon cancer. I was talking with the Lord when the question was asked what would you tell Jordan who is dealing with a devestating blow. This made me stop and think about somethings my dad has always told me when a major devestation has happened in my life. The first thing I would tell Jordan, that if she is a child of God she is not alone. He promised He would never leave His child. All things work together for good to those who love the Lord, and everything a child of God goes through is for their good and His glory. My favorite thing that my dad has always told me was that before God created the heavens and the earth He knew that you would be right here in this moment feeling the way you do. He already has a plan, it did not catch Him by surprise. Nothing has ever occurred to God, and nothing catches Him by surprise. He will get His child through whatever the storm or devestation is. Just keep trusting Him. The Lord used this radio station to remind me of these few things this afternoon after we got the news. I am so thankful to the Lord, and praise His name.
7/30/2012 4:21:58 PM
Katherine United States
Blogs are always an interesting blend of opinions.  To say one is "tearing down" and another "lifiting up" is over thinking the humanity in bloging.  Blogs are to give an opinion which is and cannot be seperated from that person's point of view and past experances. Blogs are so pupular b/c of this fact and the ability to share that personal experance.  That said on to the main subject.

Scott, you asked how would we deal with devistating blows? Jordyn's experance really hits home to me and my answer is I didn't handel it well, not for 15 years. I was 12 when my gym (I was a gymnast) changed managment and all of the coaches quit in protest of the saftey coades, substandard to say the least.  At this time Gymnastics was more than a dream, or a goal it was my entire life.  It was where I talked to God, and where he talked back, it was how I associated/coped with every good and bad event in life.  I had proven my devotion, I got myself to and from practice and all of the other extra practices without my parents help. i had not succum to the anarexa that was very prevelant at that time dispite initially being passed over b/c of my non compliance to the diets. I had realize my talent was in sports not acedmics, art, or human to human communication.  In short it was everything I knew and where I thought God wanted me to be.
I will never forget the day my father forced me to quit, b/c I had sprained my neck for the second time in three months due to the fact that the gym had replaced the professional coaches with highschool senor cheer leaders. I had just qualified for the national turnaments to be held in TX., and had found a way to pay for my bus trip there and back.  I was so excited to tell them at supper that I didn't even notice the pain in my neck, or the ice on my ankle.  Instead I didn't get to go, I didn't get the fruit of my labor, I was forced to stop. For the next several months I couldn't speak, I lost my apitite I drive, God, I was completly and totally lost. Its not b/c I wasn't trying to move on, I was but nothing fit. Questions were swirling in my young mind about the meaning of life and God. If gymnastics was where God wanted me why wasn't another answer popping up?  If I didn't get to keep practicing I wouldn't stay in shape, I would be too old to try out, how could I make money if it wasn't through the Olympics and coaching?
12 months later we moved and my spirits soared b/c there was a gymnasium in the new town.  But I had grown and I was out of shape.  I was no longer good enough to qualify for state wide championships.  To make it worse my skill level was declining and my injuries were increasing.  At this point my aunt, a nationally recognized trampolinist of 40, fell during practice and became a quadraplegic.  The family was devistated, and I was forbidden to ever again participate in gymnastics.  
I wish I could say I handeled the situation well, that I leanded on freinds and family, that I trusted God, but I cannot.  15 years later I realize that God wanted me to move on long before I was 12, that he was calling me to a different path.  Now I can see the good in it, but I couldn't then.  I just was lost and confused. It wasn't until I turned 28 that I really found myself and my faith again.  And I still cannot watch gymnastics on TV.  The thing that is hardest for people to understand is as children/ young adults with a true dream that is against the mainstream, be it sports, academics, or concouring a disability, it takes your complete devotion.  When that is swept away you are like Jona, not realizing that you have become brittle or think you know best.  It is easy to say in God everything will be fine, and it will, it is another thing to journy through it.  I thank God that she has a monther that will be there to steer her in the right direction, that won't let her become lost, or force her to ignor the passion it took to come as far as she has.  The passion that her team mates have that helped them complete their goale this time, but maybe not the next time.  For everyone that has ever "broken bones" on that journy to God and finding their place in his plan, I pray & I thank.  
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