Forgiveness

This song makes me cry harder and harder.  The situation I am in, this song fits so perfectly.  My husband, the man I thought was my soulmate, literally walked out the door on me, taking just his children.  He left everything behind.  All of his belongings, everything.  I am disabled and can't work, and cry and cry and cry.  I have been hurt terribly, physically and emotionally, by his children.  I have been sent to the hospital the night his 12 year old son was arrested for knocking me down onto the tile floor - I already have a broken back, MS, loosing my vision, denied disability benefits because of their error, and my whole world is shattered.  I am not alone, I know God is here with me, wiping my tears.. But, what do I do now??? I lost my best friend, my love, the man who cared for me when I couldn't, helped me walk when I couldn't, and yet, he just said to me "nothing will come between us", and said he was going to talk to his kids.  I get a text and it said "I choose my kids".  All over I see him..  all of his stuff is here..
We live on 5 acres in the middle of remodeling.. rooms torn apart, cement floors, and I can't even stand long enough to cook dinner??   What do I do???  Oh, Dear God.. I have never, ever felt so sad..  I am trying to let go and let You, but you aren't here to hold me when I cry... You aren't here to tell me I am doing ok, that there is a reason, that I'll be stronger.. You aren't here to help me with the lawn, with the painting, with all the ants that are everywhere outside and and I've sprayed.. You aren't here to turn on my phone, but most of all, I wish You were here to look at me and tell me I've done a good job so far, to hang in there.. Please ask my daddy up there with you to watch over me and my girls, tell him how much I miss him, how hard it was to look in his eyes the day I had to leave, knowing he was dying - and had to say Good by daddy... Oh, how I miss you daddy... I wish you were here to help me......  

I forgive my husband.  I know he's not ok.. I worry about him.. People tell me to stop worrying about him for what he's done to me.. granted, what he did no man should ever do.. but I have no where to go, no money, I can't work, I can't afford my medicine, but I do try..  I honestly can say I do try.

Please help me and pray for strength as I go through this mess.. Forgiveness..  In a single moment I think my husband doesn't deserve it, nor do his kids.. But for some reason, I do.. I just do.. They are people and my husband made a terrible mistake.  But, I am paying for it.. Emotionally, physically, financially...  I am growing weaker..  
Forgiveness is what life is about.. we don't know what will be tomorrow.. we are on borrowed time.. it's not ours.. love eachother, don't hurt..  
I am so blessed with my children and I know that I have so many challenges, I know I am loved by God and He has a plan.. I just don't like it right now....
I can't check to see if anyone has written, my internet is going down tonight.. God Bless You all..

If anyone is in the Austin (Georgetown) area, and know of anyone that can help, please tell them the little blond that used to pay for the people behind me at mcdonalds needs help.. 512-517-9904..  
Thank you    Thank you all ...  

In regards to the comment just made by Kelly (Brennan Manning)  I found this from an old Haven of Rest Daily Devotional yesterday and it hit me because I have been talked about poorly because I have brought "not so fancy dressed" people with me to church.....How can this be, Lord?Children of Yours in Your house, repeatedly ignoring others like the plague!  They see me coming--look right at me, and when I speak to them they look right past me--as if I didn't exist!  I feel like they want to erase me!  How can this happen in Your house of worship?  You never did this, Lord.  You accepted all, regardless of status.  Thank You for teaching me, Lord, never to be so careless, insensitive, or proud, that I reject another (Consciously or unconsciously) where I can't even speak to a fellow child of Yours!!!

Along the same lines as the amount of people who have fled the "church".  It was back in 2004, my son had returned from the Iraq war, he had been injured from an explosion near a tank he was on, after recovering from his multiple injuries I encouraged him to go to church with me.  All he had was some old "High School" baggie pants, I told him "don't worry about it, God loves us no matter what".  During the offering the women behind me talked loudly so I could over hear "Oh, how dare someone come dressed like that to church with their boxers showing"  I turned around and said God loves my son and if I had to bring him naked after fighting in the war and serving our country...then so be it.  I know God wants us to fellowship, but for 40something years of attending different churches through out my life has been more negative than positive.  Thank you Lord Jesus for K-LOVE...for always being there and getting me through the "churchless" times in my life!

I get what your saying and the thought itself is good and worth noting. However, this man Brennan Manning has other quotes that should not be taken as scriptural and could be harmful to a young Christian.He also says about praying"the first step in faith is to stop thinking about God at the time of prayer." The second step is "without moving your lips, repeat the sacred word [or phrase] inwardly, slowly, and often." If distractions come, "simply return to listening to your sacred word." This a dangerous New Age technique. Satan can attack if we "empty" our mind. Manning also says " I am deeply distressed by what I only can call in our Christian culture the idolatry of the Scriptures.  For many Christians, the Bible is not a pointer to God but God himself.  In a word-bibliolatry..I develop a nasty rash arounf peiople who speak as if mere scrutiny of its [ages will reveal precisely how God thinks and precisely what God wants" This came from a book called "The Signature of Jesus" I get concerned when authors are quoted that aren't biblically sound throughout. What if a young Christian or someone searching picked up his book based on you quoting him today? Not good. Scriture should be reveared and it is God's word.
Thanks for listening Kelli. Pleease consider my thoughts.