Feb 21 2012

Not Picture Perfect

I remember putting this song on repeat in college and listening to it over and over again.  I’m sure annoying my roommates. 

"Not everything is gonna be

The way you think it ought to be

It seems like every time I try and make it right

It all comes down on me

Please say honestly You won't give up on me

And I shall believe"

Matt BrouwerI Shall Believe

Now, I’m doing it again. Not because I’m wallowing (well maybe a little), but because I want the reminder that even though sometimes life doesn’t turn out the picture perfect way you thought it would, God doesn’t give up on you.

Today, I’m celebrating 6 years of motherhood.  My oldest daughter, Emily, turns 6 today, but I’m not with her.  She is visiting her Dad. 

Not the picture perfect Kid’s Birthday celebrations that I thought would happen.  It feels like a part of me has died, but I’m still kickin’.

I Shall Believe. 

"Broken in two

"I know You're on to me

That I only come home

When I'm so all alone

But I do believe"

When things don’t go the way you plan, you either can run away from God, or run to Him. 

"Open the door

And show me Your face tonight

I know it's true

No one heals me like You

And You hold the key"

He can unlock you from wallowing in depression when things don’t turn out the picture perfect way you thought they would. 

"Never again will I turn away from You

I'm so heavy tonight

But Your love is alright

And I do believe"

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Comments (11) -

2/21/2012 10:27:33 AM
Gina United States
I battle with feeling this way everyday of my life,feeling like I failed the Lord with decisions I have made. It's so nice that He is the God of second chances. I just have to remember not to dwell & give my frustrations over to Him daily,sometimes one,two & three times a day because of the way my mind operates. Thank you for posting this today Amanda. I love listening to you in KLove. You're always uplifting & your voice is so sweet like a teenage girl & of course you're a beautiful young woman inside & out. God Bless You & your daughter.
2/21/2012 10:46:47 AM
Tim United States
Thanks for this uplifting note that I read on Facebook. I am 47 year old father of two adult children 21 and 23 years old. Going through a really tough divorce. right now I am dealing with my new normal in life, sharing the kids with a mom who decided to just walk out of my life after 24 years of marriage with no apparent reason. Nothing is the same and it never will!A part of me has been ripped from me and has died. I am also still kicking and trying to work through this tragedy with the Lord leading the way, I just have to follow Him! Oh and by tyhe way We both still have to work together it really tough! Thanks for the inspiration. I listen on the Web when ever I get the chance! God Bless!
2/21/2012 11:12:01 AM
erin United States
That is truly beautiful! Thank you so much for kinda giving me a thump on the head to get outta my funk this past couple months! I am 27 wks pregnant with a PLANNED pregnancy. I'm 38yrs old and disabled. They told me I may never have children and for once..I proved the doctors wrong. Its been an extremely difficult, unbelievably painful, high-risk pregnancy. I cannot take any of my medicines that kept my diseases and the pain they cause, under control. My baby girl's (McKenna) father..I graduated high school with him what will be  20yrs ago, the month McKenna is born. He's divorced from a bad situation and has 2 beautiful children ages 10 and almost 14yrs from that marriage. He and I were both excited to even plan to add a little miracle (that I have always dreamed of carrying). Surprisingly I was pregnant within the first month I went off my pill...but we were both excited still. I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital and had to stay for 5 days due to several serious infections, hypr-emesis, my body going into shock and causing pregnancy complications. After I was in the hospital, her father emotionally backed out on me and I was forced to make the heartbreaking decision to leave the situation. It wasn't going to get better. I didn't want my littlle girl to have an MIA father...but he has not seen me since October and has never called. I did text him when I found out it was a girl and sent him pics of sono pictures of her face and the shot showing she's a girl...her dad responded back...but has had nothing to say but mean, hurtful things. I have been writing a very nice note to him letting him know about the situation and where I stood in it. I'm sending it to him this week and then changing my cell phone number so that him and his family are totally uninvolved. Its what's best, unfortunately.  I also told him that due to the stress and pain he's caused me, he will not be allowed at the hospital now. Its ripped my heart out..but will be the best for me and the baby (and my family!)...I don't think he would have driven the 3 hrs and been at the hospital anyway...then I would have been upset about him doing that. Its going to be as pleasant of a day as I can make it. I will have a beautiful daughter I've dreamt of since I was a teenage girl...he will miss so much...all those "firsts", her getting married and when she has his grandchild eventually. I have NO regrets from my decision to have a child with him. They wouldn't do me any good if I did! Lol. She will have "a beautiful life". God, myself and my family will make sure of that. I thank the Lord when I listen to KLove and am uplifted by the music and stories. Aside from God, I look to you to lift me up on those "bad., mad days". May the peace of the Lord be with you and may we ALL shine in the glory of His light. God bless you all!  Erin
2/21/2012 11:17:11 AM
Robin United States
I listen to K-Love very frequently, but this is the first time reading your blog.  I can say God wanted me to read this today.  I needed to read this today.  Thank you for the great posting and song.  I can asure you that this is the first of many days to read your blog.

2/21/2012 11:23:10 AM
kathy United States
i totally understand and feel your pain.  My daughter Kelli decided @14 that she wanted 2 live with her Dad, it broke my heart.  I thought ok 2 least I' ll c her every other w/e according 2 the joint custody law but my ex-husband never encouraged her 2 come home and probably told her alot of lies sooo needless 2 say i rarely saw her and the every other w/e thing didn't happen.  When i talked to my Lawyer she said that theres not much u can do about because as teenagers they make there own choices.  I didn't c her on most holidays and she would call me only when she wanted something.  I will pray 4 you remember u r never alone, Gpod is with u even if it doesn't feel like it   Thx. sooo much 4 sharing your son with us, I need 2 right it down, it's sooo encouring 2 me.  Take care
2/21/2012 11:34:59 AM
Linda United States
Hi, im a 26 year old woman who is very inspired by this because I have had a past that led cps to take away my parental rights to my daughter who turned 9yrs old on the 11th, its been 7 yrs since I last saw her I missed out on so many birthdays I know how u feel however I prayed over n over for the lord to bless me wifh becomming a mom again and glad to say im here with 6day old amber faith whom the lord gave to me thru the womb of my sister I know the lord and will praise him no matter what he answered me in a way that no earthly person could godbless u all. Love sister linda miller.
2/21/2012 12:49:00 PM
Mary Hernamdez United States
Mary Hernamdez
I listen to k- love every day on my way to work at work and at home..ever since  my kids were little, now they are ateenagers and we still listen to k love.  My 13-year-old daugther sings at church for teenagers groups.... I'm so greatfull to God they both serve him in a amazing way..  Thank you for your encouraging words every day!  GBU..
2/22/2012 8:58:39 AM
Joshua United States
Amanda thank you so much for the uplifting messages you provide.  I'm going through my own struggle now and your a insperation.  Thank you.
2/22/2012 10:09:57 AM
Brandi United States
I was searching for peace in my heart about my divorce after being married for nearly 13 years with two beautiful kids; I really wanted to understand it (Proverbs 3:5-6 hello!), get past it and get out of blame mode. During that time, a co-worker gave me a book, Waiting: Finding Hope When God Seems Silent by Ben Patterson, yeah sure I tossed it on my counter at home and it took a while for my stubborn self to pick it up. But once I picked it up, I could not put it down and during that time one of my good friends said something to me that made total sense. I told her my sad pity party story and how much I blamed him and that he would never change blah blah blah, gosh, I was so lost and selfish! That’s when she said “Brandi, you are still married by church right” I said “well yes but I was going to get it annulled because there is no hope for us, why?” And she said “so what, you signed a piece of paper, in God’s eyes you are still married, don't let the evil one talk you into giving up completely”. After hearing those words, my transformation began and with that I have found such a comforting peace in knowing what my purpose in life is, to make sure my husband, my children and myself get to heaven!  My faith has been restored and I trust in Him for whatever he has in store for me!
2/23/2012 11:02:07 AM
Amber Barnum United States
Amber Barnum
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. I am sure this song will be on repeat for me all day now.
2/24/2012 8:25:26 AM
J United States
Thanks Amanda!  I feel the same way every Birthday, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc when my child is spending it with his father.  I always feel empty and that this is not how it is supposed to be. And, of course, I feel like a failure in God's eyes.   Nice to know there R other people in the same boat.
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