Jan 13 2010

Love Dare - Day 8

Love is Not Jealous


Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.   It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV


Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man.  It comes from the root word for zeal and means “to burn with an intense fire.”  Scripture pointedly says, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).


There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy.  Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else.  If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband may have justified, jealous anger because of his love for her.  He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.


The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people.  It’s not that He is envious of us, wishing He had what we have (since He already owns everything).  It’s that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love.  He doesn’t want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts.  The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).


With this established, we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love – the one that is rooted in selfishness.  This is to be jealous of someone, to be “moved with envy.”


Do you struggle with being jealous of others?  Your friend is more popular, so feel hatred towards her.  Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can’t sleep that night.  He may have nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success.  It has been said that people are fine with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs.


Jealousy is a common struggle.  It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want.  This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are.  Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them.  If you’re not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships.  It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.


If you don’t diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them.  The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).


There is a string of violent jealousy seen throughout Scripture.  It caused the first murder when Cain despised God’s acceptance of his brother’s offering.  Sarah sent away her handmaiden because Hagar could bear children while Sarah could not.  Joseph’s brothers saw he was their father’s favorite, so they threw him in a pit and sold him as a slave.  Jesus was more loving, powerful, and popular than the chief priests, so they envied Him and plotted His betrayal and crucifixion.


You don’t usually get jealous of disconnected strangers.  The ones you’re tempted to jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you.  They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles … or live in your house.  Yes, if you aren’t careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.


When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club.  Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other.  But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.


He may enjoy golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning the house.  He boasts to her about shooting a great score and she feels like shooting him.


Or perhaps she is constantly invited to go out with friends while he is left home with the dog.  If he’s not careful, he can resent her popularity.


Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in.  It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them.  A loving husband doesn’t mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause.  He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.


When he receives praise, he publicly thanks her for her support in aiding his own success.  He refuses to brag in such a way that may cause her to resent him.  A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins.  She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths.  She throws a celebration, not a pity party.


It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart.  It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.



Today’s Dare


Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.



Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  (Romans 12:15)

Click here to buy a copy of The Love Dare book.  

Click here for a free online journal for the full 40 day challenge.



Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.

Comments (41) -

1/13/2010 4:07:31 AM
Meredith United States
I really hadn't thought about it like this....
My husband was laid off last January, and is FINALLY back at work (he started yesterday). He is about 2 1/2 hours from the worksite, so he is staying in a motel close to where he is working instead of coming home. I looked at the situation and searched my heart this morning and realized that I felt jealous of this success for him. Although I know he is doing what needs to be done to support our family, I was focused on myself and what I wanted...a husband that is home with me at night. Thanks for the LOVE DARE. I am starting to see things in a new light, and I am loving it. I will call my husband later today and thank him for the sacrifices he is making for our family. Thanks again, KLOVE!!!
1/13/2010 5:00:46 AM
Leslie United States
Thanks for the LOVE DARE. I really need to get rid of those negatives and start focusing on the positives. I have so often in 2009 dwelt in the Depreciation Room and thought about all those things that my husband has and does and focused on jealousy that it made me very depressed. 2010 will be a new start and a new focus. I needed this. Thanks.
1/13/2010 6:18:44 AM
Nolette United States
Ok the grill sounds good, great idea.  Will do that after typing this to ya'll.  Have a great day, Eric and Lisa.  Again, thanx for being the voice of God. Smile
1/13/2010 6:35:31 AM
Dave United States
How do you review past day's Love Dare entries?
1/13/2010 6:38:29 AM
Nolette United States
Did it, the grill worked perfectly!!!
1/13/2010 7:22:14 AM
Karen Cunningham United States
Karen Cunningham
Was checking you website to see how to pray for the people of Haiti and saw the love dare. My husband and I are celebrating our 37th wedding anniversary today and feel the love dare is as important today as anytime. Thanks for making this available to do corporately with other believers in Christ. A marriage is always a work in progress. Never take your spouse for granted. May God continue the good work He has begun in each and everyone's life that chooses to be doers of His Word and not hearers only.  
1/13/2010 7:26:49 AM
Holly United States
Thank you Lisa and Eric for doing this love dare.  I'm doing this with my husband without his knowledge. I can say though, even on day 8 it has made such a huge difference in our marriage.  I don't know if his reactions toward me are different because I'm acting and feeling different, or if it's because my views of him have changed, or a cobination of both.  He has even told me I have been acting weird lately, but he liked it.

I was really suprised at yesterdays challenge at how little was on the negative list and how much was on the positive.  I realized I have been living and dwelling in the negative.  And for today's challenge, I didn't even re-read my list before I burned it, because I want to forget everything that was on it.  

I pray that my husband will see Christ through me as I'm doing the dare.  He says he has been saved but he doesn't live the life as he should.  I want us both to be able to serve him together.  

1/13/2010 7:30:49 AM
Kim United States
So much for me being discreet.  I went to go burn my list but forgot to open the flue in fireplace and set off the smoke detector. haha  Luckily I was the only one home.  

My husband has definitely noticed a change in me and I have noticed change in our relationship.  He has been kinder and even thanked me for my hard work.  We currently have a good marriage but I can tell that its getting even better.  

Thank you Klove!
1/13/2010 7:51:32 AM
cindy United States
My husband left on New Years Day.  We have been married 19 years and have 3 beautiful teenage daughters.  I asked my husband to do the love dare with me this summer after we watched Fireproof, but he only lasted 7 days and his heart was not in it.  He says he doesn't love me anymore.  I don't understand except he has had a very tough year with losing his business and another job.  But now he is working and things I thought were better.  So I am doing the Love Dare for him and to keep me focused on God's will for my life.  I love my husband and pray he also accepts Christ and continues to see God's love for him through me.
1/13/2010 8:06:20 AM
MELISSA United States
I have been married to my highschool sweetheart for 20 years. I was 17 he was 18. Marriage isnot easy, and has not been for us. We take our vows seriously though. I struggle most with not getting bitter because he never admits he is wrong. I always roll over and take all the blame just to make peace. I have to remind myself constantly that love isnot selfish. Thanks Lisa and Eric. I thrive daily on KLOVE for encouragement. I love you guys. I listen all day long at work. Thank you for your time and prayers.
1/13/2010 8:07:42 AM
Melissa United States
I can't say that I struggle with the jealousy part really, but I definately am not the cheerleader I need to be.  Thanks for opening my eyes to this!
1/13/2010 8:25:05 AM
Sara United States
So as I was grabbing the lighter to dispose of my list I thought of my husband...he would be having a heart attack seeing me trying to light something on fire (I'm a little bit of a klutz). At this I started to laugh...
Trying to be smart about it, I began to light my list on fire over the toilet...well...it caught VERY quickly and I dropped it. Since it didn't burn enough I couldn't just flush it, so I had to fish it out!!!! Least to say, I was laughing VERY hard by this point....

All this laughing throughout this process reminded me how much my husband's sense of humor and ability to cheer me up makes me love him even more! I am so thankful for the Love Dare reminding me of such a simple thing I have been taking for granted!
1/13/2010 8:26:51 AM
Jillian Waters United States
Jillian Waters
Now that I'm taking the LOVE DARE exercise my husband and I have gotten a lot better. I seek God in help to make me the wife He called me to be and also pray for my husband daily. Before than I was very upset because I cook, clean, do homework and look after our 1 year old son all day everyday. Being that my husband is in the military; he comes home tired, hungry and ready to relax, I on the other hand is looking for some help. All summer God was teaching me how to be a Wise Woman, some of the things God taught me I didn't carry out like stop nagging, wake up early to get more things done althoughout the day.
Now that I'm doing what God instructed me to, my husband and I are like the best of friends! We laugh together, talk more without chaos and all the other things we did when we first met.
Also thank you for the "word of the day", it really helps me learn more about Christ and why I have the life I have becasue of His grace!
Thank You Klove!
1/13/2010 8:30:10 AM
Susie Thomas United States
Susie Thomas
The Love Dare has been so great!!!  I love the fact that my husband and I are doing this together.  When I get to work each morning I get a text from him asking me to send him the dare for the day and it warms my heart to know he is excited about this also.  My husband and I have a wonderful relationship with each other but we do have struggles like anyone else.  We are really enjoying this and thank God for the many blessings we have each day that we may take for granted.  Thank you K Love for this wonderful idea and my prayer is that it will save marriages & make marriages or relationships stronger!!!  God Bless
1/13/2010 8:33:05 AM
Robyn United States
I had to really think about today's dare as in my marriage it is such a different circumstance.  I am doing the Love Dare alone and I might add it is going well.  My husband is disabled, I had to really think about what success life has thrown his way.  Upon pondering on this for awhile I realized that his success is truly that he is able to be up and about and able to get around on his own.  He is a fighter and will not let this disability stop him from doing some of the things he wants to do in life.  His success is his strength and that will be what I will share with him later today after getting home from work.

Thanks KLOVE for all you do in my life.  My radio is tuned to your channel everyday.
1/13/2010 8:42:33 AM
Rosa United States
Thanks to the Love Dare challenge my marriage has been getting stronger everyday.  My husband and I were on the rocks, but, now things are getting better. I have learned to appreciate him and the things he does for our family.  I am becoming more and more supportive of him and am trying to be his biggest cheerleader.  I know we have a long way to go, but everyday I pray for us and our family.  He is essentially the best man he can be.  I have always believed in us but reading the book gives me more reasons why I should really believe in us.  I know that the challenges are going to start becoming tougher and tougher, but that just means we are going to have to become stronger and stronger as we take this journey.  I am so ready.  Thanks Lisa and Eric for doing this for so many of us.  It works!
1/13/2010 8:57:36 AM
Renee United States
For me, I don't think this dare is about my husband.  I think it is about God.  I searched my heart and cannot think of anything I am jealous of that my husband does or has.  But I do feel that I have actually put my earthly desires ahead of God.  Maybe God, being the jealous God as in the verse above is trying to tell me to put Him first and then everything else will fall into place.
1/13/2010 9:22:45 AM
Alexis United States
I can relate to so many of the posts today. My fiance' is doing the love dare with me and texts me everyday to find out what today's dare is. Our whole relationship has changed already and we are more in love and happier than ever before. It is awesome what God can do when you invite him in. God Bless
1/13/2010 9:24:53 AM
Casey United States
I think it is going well, I think I'm putting more into than my husband, if it takes too much time or involves actual talking about problems like a couple of days ago, he doesn't like that part.  However he is still trying.  Please keep us in your prayers.  We need to close the gap that SATAN has put into our lives and our marriage.  We aren't living together right now, he says he doesn't feel at home at home.  Please keep our marriage in your prayers as we go through this that Satan's lies will be defeated and he will come home.  
1/13/2010 9:31:33 AM
Yolanda United States
As I read about the Deppreciation Room and proceeded to write my list, I realized that after doing the last 6 days, it did not seem fair to focus on the negatives, because we are trying to fix them. I wrote it anyways, to complete the objective, and it hit me that God loved us so much that He has covered our list in love with the blood of Christ, and no longer holds us accountable for our "bad" list. Not only that, but He gave us the Holy Spirit to learn how to live with love...not our idea of it, but His. Thank you KLOVE for being available to serve God, reaching out to the body of Christ!
1/13/2010 9:49:55 AM
yeny rosales United States
yeny rosales
hey everyone ... day 8 and although I got a little off- track over the weekend I have been able to catch up. I encourage everyone to continue with this, I feel that there is a great reason/ purpose why we can across this challenge. Let's keep it UP!!!
1/13/2010 12:01:47 PM
letticia United States
thanks klove for all your help!  i love that we can come here and have support doing the love dare!  its tough at times, but exciting to see the changes and reactions.  thanks again!
1/13/2010 1:35:21 PM
wes United States
This has been the best 8 days of my life. We both found that the positive list was much easier to do, and the negitive list took some thought and time.  Maybe we just didn't have much negitive thoughts to put down. For todays dare both my wife and i watched our negitive lists burn up together on the grill outside.  In my mind i thought, that will be the last negitive list going forward.  I praise God for daring my wife and I to make our marriage better. We have both seen a difference and can't wait to see what day 40 will be like. Thanks Klove.....
1/13/2010 1:47:31 PM
Erica United States
I am not sure if this is for me. My MOm as recently has stop talking to me because she does not like my Husband. She said to me as long as he is living or we are still married she will have nothing to do with me or her four grandchildren. You are asking if she knows the Lord:Yes, for many years. I guess she is letting the enemy gain ground!!! My Mom is upset with Nathan because he put a restraining order on my oldest brother, Because Eric came into my home and wanted to fight Nate. THis has beem a problem for along time. Nate was done with it, so he placed the order. I know it all sounds out of control and it is. SO i ask do you think this is for us?? I will coninue to pray that God will be seen through this season!!!!Hank you.
1/13/2010 2:08:02 PM
Dawn United States
I am very thankful for the "Love Dare".  I have a very cold, hard-heart when it comes to my husband.  The 1st day I heard about this on K-Love, I was drawn to the dare.  I read about it and pretty much that was it.  On the 5th day, my husband couldn't take me and my negativity towards him anymore.  He got out of bed around 10:00 pm and just told me he couldn't take me anymore.  I started praying!!!  I know how I am, very hard and sour towards him, but I could never admit it outloud to him.  I am the type of person who does not like to feel pain, in no way shape or form. I will do my best to avoid it.  Well, needless to say, while praying GOD told me, in order to win the game you HAVE to feel the PAIN!!!!!  OMG! What a punch in the heart.  Well, then I broke down crying and told him I was sorry.  I admitted to being hateful, cold hearted, angry, always fussing and so on.  Well, since that night, I have been faithfully reading and doing the DARE's.  I already feel a difference in my heart!!!  Thanks for the "Love Dare"!  I cannot wait to finish this and see how much more I will free myself from this cage I protect myself in.  May God bless all who are trying the "Love Dare"!!!!
1/13/2010 3:16:45 PM
Navy Sailor, Mother & Wife United States
Navy Sailor, Mother & Wife
Ohhhh my!!!! He is noticing that I'm different and told me that he appreciates it!!!!!!!! Thank you God, thank you Jesus and thank you KLOVE!!!!!!!!!
1/13/2010 5:54:00 PM
Mariela United States
Day 8!! Doing this  by myself is so difficult I hope he notice that Im really trying...
1/13/2010 6:10:01 PM
Natosha United States
i have been following the dare on the radio. wow God has been such a blessing in my relationship. ITS ONLY BEEN 8 DAYS!!! lol wow i didnt even find it possible!
up untill this point there has been nothing but fighting and bickering. the first day of the love dare i prayed that God would move himself into my relationship. i keep praying the morning of each day to keep moving in our relationship. there has been no fighting in 7 days. PRAISE GOD!
1/13/2010 7:59:09 PM
rmccre United States
Day eight working hard each day to stay focused, today was a little hard to let go of those negitives I felt that he was getting by with something, but how selfish I have been, I read one comment about how God Has covered our negitives also and if we are truely walking in Christ we should offer that same Love. I am learning so much about myself Pray for ny husband he has started this with me but is starting to fall off
1/13/2010 8:05:17 PM
Amy United States
Right now the love dare is for me and my family.  Things fell apart a few years back and I am constantly looking to be stronger in my faith and putting God first.  I hope this love dare will help me become a stronger christian woman and lead to a healed family.  Looking forward to the challenge to have brighter days ahead.  Thanks Klove for putting this challenge out there to be shared with everyone.
1/13/2010 10:58:58 PM
Esther United States
Me and my husband did the love dare together it took us from may 09 to nov 09 to do because he is in prison. I got the book mailed to him and we read it every weekend before our visit and did the dares as best as we could. God really used that book to change us and to show us what love really is. Me and my husand can say we never really new what love was until we did the dare. we both had past hurts and anger for eachother and now things are so different we love eachother like never before we trust eachother, and we just give all the thanks to God. He has 4 more years to do in prison and when he gets out we will do it again. I'm only 22 yrs old and he 24yrs old so at a young age the love dare was the best thing to do and is truly apart of what God used to save our marriage.
1/16/2010 7:26:52 AM
Ginny Rusch United States
Ginny Rusch
I heard on the radio the Love Dare test.  And I listened to the comments about negatives with your spouses.  And I have one that I want to share, and that is, my husband passed away.  
That is my negative. I don't have him anymore.  But you all still have your husbands/wifes.  That might help put things into prospective.

Herb was the love of my life, and yes we had problems.  There was not a day that went by that I was not greatful for him.  We were married almost 18 years.

So to hear the negatives I would say...if you love each other, be greatful you still have each other.  If you don't love each other, then work on it, you made a promise to each other the day you were married.  Be greatful you still have each other.

And with God in the middle of you two, it can and will work.

Most sincerely;
Ginny Rusch
1/17/2010 8:31:42 AM
Jonique United States
Being the selfish person that I know I have been, I have been jealous of my husband's career. He is so happy at work and with his co-workers. Getting his pay increases and so on; while I am still searching for a place to fit in and enjoy like he enjoys his. I have been upset when he told me of a promotion. How ashamed I feel.

I have changed though. I have worked hard at being supportive of him and this dare pushes me to continue on. He is doing awesome at his job and gets praise from work...but now from me too.
1/17/2010 3:12:27 PM
Nachos Mexico
I am jealous of all the women online and in videos that my husband chooses over me.  They have stolen the most precious thing that God ever blessed me with, and he allowed it to happen.  I cannot find it in me to rejoice with my spouse about anything.  And my Depreciation Room has taken over so much of my "house" that I can't even find the Appreciation Room any more.  Burning my list of negatives would produce enough fire to last a good few hours...
1/18/2010 11:32:23 PM
Hery Tunisia
First time visiting your blog..., thanks for your usefull article
2/4/2010 6:56:47 AM
Candice South Africa
My estranged husband called me in the middle of the day today - it would have been about 3:00am for  him .  He said that he called because we hadnt talked to each other in a few days.  I had a huge lump in my throat - it was the best thing ever.  It was so random.  Particularly because it is so out of character for him just to see how I am doing.  I am so thankful and feel blessed.  We dont live together.  God made my day by encouraging me through that one bitty phone call.
2/4/2010 10:09:05 AM
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1/13/2011 11:57:41 AM
Dana Neal United States
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I just want you to know that I have added a link to your blog with all of these love dares (daily for 2011) in my praying wives group on Face Book....thank you so much for what you have done...
3/14/2011 11:49:19 PM
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