Jan 16 2010

Love Dare - Day 11

Love Cherishes


Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. – Ephesians 5:28



Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.


Consider these two scenarios.


A man’s older car begins having serious trouble, so he takes it to a mechanic.  After an assessment is made, he is told it will need a complete overhaul, which would tax his limited budget.  Because of the expensive repairs, he determines to get rid of the car and spend his funds on a new vehicle.  Seems reasonable, right?


Another man, an engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment.  He rushes to the hospital and has it x-rayed, finding that numerous bones are broken. Although frustrated and in pain, he willingly uses his savings to have it doctored and placed in a cast, then gingerly nurses it back to health over the following months.  This too, probably seems reasonable to you.


The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario.  When your relationship experiences difficulty, you are urged to dump your spouse for a “newer model.”  But those who have this view do not understand the significant bond between a husband and wife.  The truth is, marriage is more like the second scenario.  You are a part of one another.  You would never cut off your hand if it was injured but would pay whatever you could afford for the best medical treatment possible.  That’s because your hand is priceless to you.  It is part of who you are.


And so is your mate.  Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one.  This is not only happens physically but spiritually and emotionally.  You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name.  Your identity as individuals has been joined into one.  When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it.  When you find success at your job, both of your rejoice.  But somewhere along the way, you experience disappointment, and the sobering reality that you married and imperfect person sets in.


This, however, does not change the fact that your spouse is still a part of you.  Ephesians 5:28-29 says, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”


This verse speaks to husbands, but notice how each member is viewed.  They are both considered to be the same flesh.  You must treat them with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself.  When you show love to your spouse, you are showing love to yourself as well.


But there is a flip side to this coin.  When you mistreat your mate, you are mistreating yourself.  Think about it.  Your lives are now interwoven together.  Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you.  So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body.


It’s time to let love change your thinking.  It’s time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eye, or your heart.  She, too, needs to be loved and cherished.  And if she has issues causing pain or frustration, then you should care for these with the same love and tenderness as you would a bodily injury.  If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to his life.


In light of this, think about how you treat your spouse’s physical body.  Do you cherish it as your own?  Do you treat it with respect and tenderness?  Do you take pleasure in who they are?  Or do you make them feel foolish or embarrassed?  Just as you treasure your eyes, hands, and feet, you should treasure your spouse as a priceless gift.


Don’t let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage.  To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God’s purpose for it.  That would be like amputating a limb.  Instead, it should be a picture of love between two imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.


Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.”  And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.


When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you.  So treat her well.  Speak highly of him.  Nourish and cherish the love of your life.



Today’s Dare


What need does your spouse have that could meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give a back rub or foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with?  Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.



Answering him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?”  (Mark 10:51)

Click here to buy a copy of The Love Dare book.  

Click here for a free online journal for the full 40 day challenge.


Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. 

Click here to buy a copy of The Love Dare book.  

Click here for a free online journal for the full 40 day challenge.


Comments (22) -

1/16/2010 5:40:41 AM
Robyn United States
Good Morning,

Well I got up with anticipation of wondering what would be the Love Dare for today.  I have been doing this by myself for my marriage and things had been going along quite well.  Last night I ran into some struggles and it took the wind out of my sail.  I stayed up praying about the situation.  I know that not everyday is the way it should be because that isn't life. Therefore, my answers to my prayers is to start today as today and go on, putting yesterday behind me and living today.

Thanks K-Love

The Lords Blessings to you,
1/16/2010 6:49:32 AM
Deanna United States
I heard about the Love Dare after watching Fireproof. I wanted my husband and I to do this together and at the time he said I think it is suppose to be something one partner does for the other, a true gift. I felt frustrated at what I see has his selfishness feeling like I was always the one to give, but I didn't really understand the benefits of me doing this by myself for him. I was selfishly looking at the negative. Ever since I have truly put my heart and soul into doing this on my own, it has been a huge revelation for me. I had been so willing after 15 years of marriage to just give up, end my marriage and tell him to move out because I was always looking at his faults and not mine. It is so sad how my selfishness and anger and pride got in the way and almost destroyed my marriage. I am so blessed that he wouldn't give up on me all this time.  It has been so great to open my eyes and see his strengths, to burn his negatives and to focus on him. I look foward to each new dare knowing that this is good for me,that I am growing through this,that we are one, that he is noticing and most of all that it is my gift to him. yes I do hope that someday he chooses to do this dare on me because it is an eye opening experience and is good for us, but I can not expect him to , I am giving and loving unconditionally through this dare and that feels good. I am praying for all other couples taking the dare, Don't give up, it does work! God Bless you! Thank you KLove!
1/16/2010 6:58:34 AM
julia United States
i am so sorry for repeating my comment yesterday i wrote it early in the morning my time and when i didn't see it late afternoon i re-submitted it again---boy day 11 is beautiful-i do respect my husband but the explainations of the words really spoke to me-i am crying right now because growing up i never felt loved i was abused physically, emotionally sexually, verbally, and mentally-to have gone thru all of that i can honestly say thank you JESUS for loving me the right way so i can express this kind of love to my husband and daughters.:o)
1/16/2010 7:12:13 AM
Jeanne Cole United States
Jeanne Cole
I am 75 years old and my husband is 72.  Last July I found out he was having sex with a woman who has been coming to our home for art classes for 6 1/2 years.  Their affair started in June 2009.  I considered this woman to be looking at my husband as an uncle or dad figure.  I am a Christian, husband has not attended church in our 23 year relationship.
He is now living with her and has been since August 2009.  I hope in the Lord to be reconciled but sooooo  much has gone on and he has about broken us financially in that relationship.  I keep putting off a final divorce just HOPeING.  Am I being unrealistic?  He came by to hand me $100 two days ago.  I go broke most of the time, he is spending hundreds.  How to do this is getting tougher and tougher by the months.
Will this "book" really help me?  In Christ service, Jeanne
1/16/2010 7:47:31 AM
Jen United States
the word cherish has always been my favorite word...it means so much.

Today so far has not been easy.  I got an email (yes we still live in the same house) from my love saying he believes "God has changed his mind about his path"  That he doesn't know yet what it is...but that it doesn't include me.  He is going to start to a new church alone this weekend.

Then I got the email of how to split our house, belongings and responsiblities for our seperation.

I know that the Love Dare is guiding me the right direction...i just don't know if my love is going the right direction also.

I will find a way today that shows how much i cherish him.  I have already accepted his going to church without me, and I do believe God has something planned for him, and a trip to a new church, any church, cannot be a bad thing.  

I just can't  believe God brought us together, only to change his plan for us...maybe though this is part of the plan...these challenges...they are part of God's plan to make us stronger....but it's an awful hard journey to follow that path he's set...

Please continue your prayers...I know God hears.

I am feeling strong through God and will continue our journey
1/16/2010 7:49:38 AM
Demetrius McIntyre United States
Demetrius McIntyre
My wife and I have enjoyed this Love Dare. We went to the Christian Book Store yesterday to get our copy of it. I can tell a major difference in our walk with God, which is improving our walk together. Thank you for adding this to your website, you are a blessig to us and many more.
1/16/2010 10:08:16 AM
Rachel United States
I am not married yet.I have a boyfreind of three years though and I am doing the love dear for him.Our relationship has been struggling these past months.I knew we had to do soemthing to get it back together.So I prayed to God and asked him for an answer something that would help.Not a minute later K love started talking about the love dare. I knew right then he was speaking to me, its amazing how clear God can be at times. I am not going to lie I m not yet on day 11 I am started on day one yesterday,but even my small kind words to my bf made him happy.Happyer then hes been ina while. I see alot of woman commenting on her that theyre husbands will not tatke this dear,but isnt that why this is here? Its to some what fix those broken relationships. You can not fix what isnt broke am I right? I did not tell my bf what I am doing and I am not going to ask him to join me.I feel that this dear is more like us woman or men working hard to make our relationships better.I think a good deed doesnt go unnoticed. I allso think that it is more noticed and appreciated when they dont know why your doing it other then out of love.

To all those struggling just pray and God will speak to you.The same God who defeated death will hear your breaking heart and fix it.

1/16/2010 11:57:08 AM
Candace Johner Canada
Candace Johner
I started to do this challenge at Day 5, but was hesitant for my hubby lives in Yuba City CA & I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. But as I stated I say a whole new challenge... a creative one to complete the challenges from here. Smile I think they are changing me more. However it doesn't stop there. I started to email the challenges out to some friends, mainly becuase of the way they spoke to me. The feed back is awesome. One is going to use it in her women's group.
Thank you for doing this...be richly Blessed
1/16/2010 11:59:34 AM
Candace Johner Canada
Candace Johner
correction to 2nd sentence..."as I started I saw a whole new challenege...a creative one"....
1/16/2010 12:27:57 PM
Paul United States
When you look at my mate, I'm looking at a part of me.So I want to treat her well.So I speak highly of her.I nourish and cherish the love of my life, I pray for those eye's... "The eyes are the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, than your whole body will be full of light."                  Matthew 6:33

                                 "Answering him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?”  (Mark 10:51)
1/16/2010 2:48:08 PM
june United States
To cherish and honour.......yet what if people don't cherish or honour me?  I am doing the Love Dare as a single person, wanting to learn how to love the people who come through my life, as Jesus would love them.  It is very difficult at times, to say the least!
I have a child from a Rape, and it has not been easy raising her.  And to realize that my God has  compassion and mercy for the wounded man who caused so much pain in my life, is huge for me!  I am learning to pray for his salvation, as I know God loves and cares about him too.
I am being healed as I cry, and give my Jesus my life.  He has much mercy and grace, and so cherishes and honours me even, at times,when I turn my back on Him.

"Feels like chaos, yet somehow there's peace" ......love that song!  Thank you for your healing music, K-Love.
Only 29 days to go(grow!)  I must not give up!
1/16/2010 4:11:42 PM
julia United States
you are a strong woman-your daughter is so lucky to have as a mother--as for those who are disrespectful towards you put them on hold--become whole with CHRIST--start seeing yourself the same way CHRIST sees you--don't let the rape hang over your head--i know what i am talking about because i too was sexually abused--you are young, your beautiful, your smart, your a good person, and don't forget how much CHRIST loves you. so do the love dare as not remembering the old you and the terrible abuse that happened to you do the love dare with a new heart new eyes and ears, be selfish in the sense of taking care of yourself so you can be a better you and a better mother let the new year bring out the new you remember JUNE what didn't kill you will only make you stronger! i will be praying for you little sis in CHRIST :o)
1/16/2010 4:50:17 PM
Deanna United States
I started this love dare at day 5.  My husband and I are currently seperated.  We have had a rough year.  He moved out last february, started seeing an old girlfriend that recently moved back to the area.  Then broke off with her when our kids refused to accept her, then we made an attemp at reconciliation.  We did not seek help to try and smooth over our troubles.  A month later in November, my husband moved back out.  He immediately started seeing the other woman again.  We have been married for 15 years.  It broke my heart that he gave up on our marraige and went to someone else.  I started going to church just before he left the second time.  I prayed to God to help me understand why I was going through this.  Church was one of the few places that I felt at peace with my world.  Then my husband talked to me right after Christmas that the was worried that he had made some horrible mistakes and was confused.  He came to church on the January 3rd.  That is exactly two months after he left the second time.  I went up after the sermon and prayed to God.  I gave it all over to God.  I realised that I can not control how my husband chooses to live.  I can't make him want to be married.  Only God can speak to my husband and work in his magical, mysterious ways and help my husband figure out what is right.  Since that day, my husband has called or texted me every day.  
I began this challenge not knowing where it might lead.  Some of them are a true challenge as we do not live together or see each other every day.  I am finding a way to complete them.  I see a change in the way that my husband and I interact already.  I hope and pray to have my marraige restored to something better than it ever has been.

Thank you Klove for all you do!
1/16/2010 6:06:36 PM
no name 2 United States
no name 2
Today has been a little bit easier for me.I got to spend some time with my husband  and put off the housework (its not like me) And he also needed time with me so i got 2 birds woth one stone so to say. last night i bit my tongue when we were having a discussion and it turned out better than what it would have. I feel like i havent put 100% of my heart into this dare im working hard so keep praying for me IM the one that wanted to end our marriage and im doing the dare on him.
1/17/2010 7:54:18 AM
Rebecca United States
I didn't complete yesterday's dare because I got sick in the evening (when I was planning on doing it), so today I will combine both Dares.

God bless all of you doing this dare and to those of you struggling, I will keep you in my prayers.
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