May 24 2010

For Parents of Grads - Dwight Bain

Life Coach Dwight Bain  is on with us this morning with tips on helping parents transition through the different seasons of their child's life - especially those who have a child graduating this year.  Here are Dwight's "Parenting Stages and strategies necessary to build strong kids":

 

Birth to puberty, (ages 0-12)-

 

Kids need a 'Caretaker' who can teach and help with daily tasks while the child gradually is learning these skills from their parent through positive role modeling, especially in the important areas of self-discipline and responsibility. Other ways for a child to grow in confidence and strength during these years is to help them find social connection and friends through school activities, church groups, youth sports or scouting. This higher level of involvement also connects kids with other healthy adults who can help kids learn even more because of teachers, coaches, and pastors who are investing into their young lives as they grow to the next level of maturity and future success. 

 

Puberty to College Years, (12-21)-

The parenting strategy to use during the teen years is a combination of part Counselor and part Coach to help guide through the emotional issues of building relationships and dealing with hurt feelings; while balancing the tasks of learning to deal with difficulties in life and making wise educational or career choices. Psychologist John Trent calls this process ‘soft love mixed with hard love’, (For more on this concept of parenting, check out “The Two Sides of Love” published by Focus on the Family Publishing, 1999)

 

College years to Adulthood, (21-30)-

 

I believe that we always need our parents- it’s just that the need changes as we grow older. Little kids need a parent to help with personal hygiene, teens need their parents to help them develop healthy habits and by this stage young adults need honest advice and direction. These years are a great time for the parent/adult-child relationship to prosper since the young adult is out on their own dealing with life, yet still needs a 'Consultant' to bounce ideas off of as their build a life independent of their parents to firmly establish a life of their own. 

 

I want you to know that millions of other parents have successfully launched their child from birth toward adulthood and you can too. There is a sign in the launch control room of the Kennedy Space Center that says it well, listen…

 

“It takes a team- to launch a dream.”

 

Know that you are not alone in this process. There are hundreds of resources available at our website as well as links to dozens of other groups driven by the desire to help you experience the great joy of watching a dream take flight, as well as provide the tools and training to help you if you’ve already crashed to get past the nightmare and not be afraid to dream again about what your son or daughter could be when they launch into a life of their own.

 

Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article.

 

Please include the following paragraph in your reprint."Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2010), To subscribe to this valuable weekly resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org " 

 

 

Comments (16) -

5/20/2010 4:40:25 AM
Jen Potter United States
Jen Potter
I caught the end of your contest this morning with people sharing how many hours of sleep they get each night. I can't believe how people function on so little sleep. No I am only 23 married but with a pretty regular schedule and no kids to worry about so my life is hard to compare to all those moms out there. But I almost always get a minimum of 8 hours. When I start getting less than that I notice it in my marriage, my work, my attitude and my relationship with Jesus. I eat more, I am crabby and oh so irritable. I worry more and stress more! Sleep is soo important! To me it is the most important thing when it comes to my health! Sleep people!!
5/20/2010 5:17:12 AM
Deana United States
Deana
Glad you had this on today.(Dwight Bain) My baby also graduates June 4 and it has been a lot of stress dealing with it and then he has made the decision to join the Army and he leaves July 7th for boot camp in South Carolina.  I have mixed emotions....proud,nervous, anxious but I know God is control and we will support him all the way. Please pray for my son Rowdy as he starts this new journey.

Deana
5/20/2010 5:32:24 AM
Kim Valarik United States
Kim Valarik
I have been having such a hard time, for months.  We have a senior at Cedarville University and now a senior graduating from High School.  He has decided to join the Army.  I am so proud, I am having such a hard time letting him go.  I know it is not up to me to let him go, but I am reminded in scripture that they are not ours, but they belong to God.  I prayed this morning for me to find some help in dealing with both of my boys leaving home and I feel like they don't call or want anything to do with us anymore.  I turned on K~Love just as Dwight Bain was sharing and I broke out in tears!!!  Praise God for this perfect timing and for this precious information.  Anything you have for me to read would be so very much appreciated!!  Thank you so much for the wonderful help your station ALWAYS is to so many.


Thank you for serving~
Kim Valarik
5/20/2010 6:18:22 AM
Jamie Patton United States
Jamie Patton
This is about someone that would have graduated w/a double masters this May.Curtis Coffman was a 34yo middle school science teacher& was taking 2 science course to finish what he had started a few years ago.He got Leukemia in 06, bone cancer in 08 and it came back in his lymph nodes this time in January.He started chemo in Feb. & was on his 2nd round in March.He continued submitting his papers online from the hosp.He passed away April 8 2010.He loved teaching and was so excited bout life.He had started teaching Bible study class& his testimony was one that would make you believe.It just breaks my heart not having him here and knowing how much graduating meant to him.  
5/20/2010 6:26:30 AM
Ashley Eaves United States
Ashley Eaves
My son actually graduated high school two years ago, but I'm dealing with a similar feeling right now. My son has joined the Army and leaves for basic training on June 2nd.

My heart is full of pride for the decision he's made but at the same time my heart is so heavy at the thought of him being away for such an extended period of time. He's not going way to college; he's going away to serve OUR country. I can not explain the pride I feel or the anxiety it’s bringing as well. Every time I think of all the things “My baby” is getting ready to experience, the challenges he’s going to face and the adventures the Lord is getting ready to put in front of him; I get this lump in my throat that I just can not explain.

My faith in the Lord has never been stronger and if it wasn’t for him I’m not sure I could handle all that’s in front of our family. I’d like to thank K-Love for being a constant encouragement to me and my family during this life transition. God Bless our Soldiers. Please keep them all in your prayers.  

Ashley
Concord, NC
5/20/2010 6:36:33 AM
Tara United States
Tara
I've just recently started listening to your show.  I've been going through some difficulty this last year and just feel a little lost.  Your encouragement and postive attitude are helping... focus on the blessings in my life and believe in God... trust in him to show me the way.

I want to comment on my "dream"... my mom is bedridden with Alzheimer's... the CURE for Alzheimer's - that's what I dream.  To have my mom back, that's my dream!!  

thank you!!
Tara
5/20/2010 6:52:18 AM
Leah Gomez United States
Leah Gomez
I Know God listens because when I pray he supply's an answer.  To wake up to Dwight's message was exactly what I needed.  My son is 20 and he doesn't call or come around anymore.  I cry myself to sleep many nights.  I know all I can do is pray for him.  I wish I had Dwight's book a few years ago.  Please pray for my son Justin.  I am going to find a way to get a copy of this book and read it so I can do things differently with my 15 year old daughter.  God Bless all of you for spreading the word and always providing encouraging words.
5/20/2010 6:53:55 AM
Rhonda Banach United States
Rhonda Banach
My Dream.. It actually started 5 years ago. My husband and I would love to buy a ranch for abandoned children especially teens so they know what it would be like to experience love, to know what love really is and that they would have a safe place and what it would feel like to really be a part of a family.Most of all for them to know God loves them.
5/20/2010 7:13:40 AM
Vickie United States
Vickie
I was listening to your show this morning about graduations and thought I would share my story.  The year my oldest daugther was graduating I was having a very difficult time letting go and found myself crying at every event.  That spring as we were getting ready for graduation I hung a flower basket near our front door.  Shortly thereafter a robin built a nest and layed three eggs.  She never moved as we went in and out that door everyday and even during the graduation party, she remained on her nest and never seemed to be bothered by everyone looking in.  The eggs hatched and we watched the babies grow.  I was still having a difficult time thinking of my daughter leaving for college until one day, I noticed that the baby birds were getting big enough to leave the nest and two of them had left, but the third one was just peeping loudly.  Then I noticed that the mother bird was in the tree out front chirping back loudly.  Tears rolled down my cheeks and I watched the baby bird stand on the edge of the nest cheeping and rocking back and forth while the mother bird kept chirping louder and louder.  Finally, the baby bird flapped her wings and flew to the tree that her mother was sitting in. It was at that moment that I knew God had put that robin there to show me how to let go.  I knew then that everything was going to be okay.  That was seven years ago and this year out daugther graduted with a doctrate degree in pharmacy.  I still cried, but it was tears of joy not tears of fear.  I have hung a flower basket by that door  every year but that was the one and only time that a bird built a nest in it.   God is Great!!!
5/20/2010 7:29:13 AM
Melissa Lee United States
Melissa Lee
My daughter Bethany graduates this year and I am so proud of her. She has a learning disability and during her school years she was teased and bullied by kids. She cried not wanting to go to school and so I did have to home school her for 2 years to lift her self esteem. After those 2 years of homeschooling she wanted to go back. So she did. I was proud of her wanting to go back. Even though not much changed for her and she didn't get ask to her prom she felt better about herself. Now here we are getting ready for her to graduate and this is so emotional for me. I will look at her in her cap and gown and be proud that she did it and made her accomplishment. Yes, I'll be crying but a happy cry. Thank God he picked me to be her mother. I am very blessed.
5/20/2010 7:47:22 AM
Jennifer United States
Jennifer
Wow!! What perfect timing for Dwight Bain to be on your show! Our youngest is graduating on Saturday and we are dealing with these exact feelings! He doesn't want anything to do with us right now.  We know (as parents) that all we can do is pray for him, we have nurtured him and prepared him for the world and now we must give him to God!  Allow God to do His work in our son! Thank you for the encouraging words!  
5/20/2010 8:03:50 AM
Sally Turco United States
Sally Turco
God is so amazing! I woke this am after 2-4hours of sleep because my 20 year old daughter rebelliously made the decision to move out at midnight. My heart is so heavy today I really didn't know how to make it through the day....and then this program was on. Thank You!
5/20/2010 8:10:21 AM
Leon Gray United States
Leon Gray
My daughter Kristen, a good athlete all her life (Basketball & Softball) with scholarship offers, decided to give up sports her senior year of high school.

It was a tough year for her as she tried to concentrate on her new passion, writing and public speaking. Her former teammates and coaches didn't take the transition well, many calling her a quiter and making her feel as if she let them down. After two championship seasons and national exposure and ranking, she found a new passion and it wasn't easy for her, but she stuck to her decision.

Often down and quiet, Kristen stood tall when she entered a writing contest through the State of California and she won an award, one of 10 people out of hundreds of contestants. Her work displayed on the California Museum Dreamers Challenge website. This was right in the middle of basketball season, but that wasn't enough for her peers to cease with the backbiting about her decision to give up sports for her true passion.

Kristen graduates on Monday and God is truly good. Her former softball team, Sheldon High (Sacramento) is in the playoffs and she won't be with them. She'll be at her graduation, humble but with Godly redemption.

"Dad, I prayed and prayed, I really wanted to do this"

That was two weeks ago when she wrote a speech and auditioned among 13 contestants to be the Speaker at Large at her graduation. On Monday, she will address her graduating class at Arco Arena, on the floor where she played in a championship basketball game just a year ago.

This time, she'll be speaking in front of thousands including her former coaches, teammates and many in the community who questioned her decision just months ago, even in the local newspapers.

She wanted to concentrate on her writing and public speaking, and God has blessed her in both areas already. She'll leave in August, from Sacramento to Cal State University, Northridge in So Cal.

I'll have no problem letting go, she has spread her wings and she's ready to fly! It's easier with Kristen being the middle child, her older sister. Danielle a Sr. in college and playing softball. Her younger sister, Tamera is right behind her and also gave up softball to the dismay of her peers. Younger and more sensitive, she took it hard, but perservered on the shoulders of her older sister, Kristen.

I Praise God for blessing me and the world with Kristen.

thank you

Leon Gray
Sacramento, CA
5/20/2010 9:16:46 AM
Jackie United States
Jackie
I two with I had Dwight's book earlier. I am a single parent and have been since my oldest 18 now was 10. He never wants to hang out with us and he resents his other 2 siblings because when they were so young they took a big part of me and he said he was pushed aside. I love them all and now I feel as if I have lost him. He is hanging out with people doing drugs and he as well is doing. He just wrecked his truck that I bought him when he was 16. He moved out for a week and then back in. I feel like I have harped on him instead just sharing once. I am so hurt and I do not know what to do but pray. I listen to K-love every chance I get and I love it. I wish that I could get him to listen I just know he would relate to these songs. His girl friend broke up with him and he is just so depressed and doing stupid things. I don't know how to help but to just tell him I love him. Though I think he takes advantage of my love and he does not do what I ask while he is at my house but I don't want him to leave. I am so confused. Klove you make me feel better everytime I listen and I am glad I was listening this morning and heard Dwight. I have a 14 yr old girl and another 12 year old boy and I am going to work on how I councel them.
Thanks
5/20/2010 5:40:18 PM
Elizabeth United States
Elizabeth
I am a 25 y/o engaged woman struggling because my father is refusing to walk me down the asile because my fiance is still in school. He is a good man of God and also very committed to the church. I have a full time job to support us and his part time job will pay for the rest of his schooling.

Listening to K-Love every day has really encouraged me to walk in God's will for my life despite what the world says... to build my treasures in heaven and not on earth.

I appreciated listening to K-Love this morning when Dwight was saying that after you children reach adults, they are adults... and your role changes into a counselor. I know my dad loves me so very much and I want to honor him (as the Bible says to)... but I do feel he is over-stepping his boundaries as a parent trying to control me instead of counseling me. I appreciated hearing Dwights advice as children move into the adult stage. I am one of those examples of an adult who ran away because I was trying to be controlled.

I have faith that in due time, God will work everything out for His glory and praise Smile
6/28/2010 8:53:17 PM
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