May 26 2010

20 Ways to Create Greater Marital Connection

20 ways to create greater Marital Connection

 

By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach

TENDER CONNECTION through ROMANCE

(These are the softer sides of relationship which can feel fun, exciting or fulfilling)

 

Physiclal- connecting physically 

 

Emotional- connecting through feelings, moods, attitudes or being on the same wave-length

 

Intellectual- connecting through the world of current events in news, blogs, magazines or books

 

Educational- connecting through shared learning experiences in classes, seminars or workshops

 

Aesthetic- connecting through experiences of beauty in fine art, craftsmanship, antiques or nature

 

Creative- connecting while sharing ideas about designing or developing projects together

 

Recreational- connecting through shared sports, hobbies, exercise, travel or theme parks

 

Social- connecting through parties or events at work, church or with friends & family

  

Entertainment- connecting through music, TV, films, concerts, dining or shopping

 

Humor- connecting through shared laughter, giggles, comedy or silliness in any situation

 

 

TOUGH CONNECTION through REALITY

(these are the harder sides of a relationship which may feel boring, difficult or challenging)

 

Work- connecting through common tasks, daily chores & responsibilities at home or in career

 

Time- connecting together with scheduling, planning, clocks, calendars or daily routines

 

Financial- connecting through shared values on budgeting, spending, saving or investing goals

 

Caregiving or Co-parenting- connecting through shared responsibility to care for others (or pets)

 

Conflict- connecting through differences in strongly held beliefs with mutual respect or admiration

 

Crisis- connecting through problems, pressures or painful events, especially in reaching out to others

 

Commitment-connecting through the shared belief of honoring marital vows as sacred promises

 

Spiritual- connecting through shared religious traditions, beliefs, ethics, values & worship styles

 

Communication- connecting verbally or nonverbally to share the ‘real you’ or listening to your partner

 

Trust- connecting through shared feelings of respect, honesty, integrity or confidence in your mate

 

Notice the differences between these 2 types of Marital Connection:

 

 

Tender Connection is about Romance & Chemistry

 

  • Media images tend to define the ultimate degree of love as feeling happy with that person you are spending time with right now instead of investing into a partner for life
  • If you only have a tender connection in your relationship, it leaves a potential gap open for a married person to essentially function as a ‘single person’ with the mindset of serving self over their spouse, resulting in a person feeling very, very alone.
  • View this as the “Me-My-I” mindset of the self-absorbed or pleasure seekers that avoid taking responsibility for their behavior or blame shift problems away from their selfish decisions to find a reason to show that it’s really your fault that they are the way they are or do the things they do.

 

Tough Connection is about Reality & Consequences

 

  • Biblical images of defining the ultimate degree of love as choosing to reach out to build a long term relationship as married “Partners” during the fun or frustrating times of life
  • If you have included the reality of a tough connection in your relationship, it closes the gap of being a self-serving or single person in the marriage, since the mindset and goal is of building marital unity.
  • View this as the “We-Us-Our” mindset of building a relationship together with each person taking ownership and responsibility for their part of the marriage as they serve and give to one another in love.

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Comments (5) -

5/26/2010 11:51:08 AM
Claire United States
Claire
Like it! I like "Physical"!
5/26/2010 11:51:23 AM
Claire United States
Claire
Neato!
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