Free From The Need of Approval by K-LOVE Radio
A Prayer about the “Approval Suck” in All of Us
We speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else. 1 Thess. 2:4–6
Lord Jesus, I don’t know of a more persistent struggle in life than the issue of how we think about the approval or disapproval of people. You made us for intimate, rich relationships—beginning with you, and then with one another. But sin has infiltrated and broken, diseased and reoriented our relational bearings. It’s encouraging and convicting to see how Paul named and dealt with this issue in this letter to his friends.
As I look at my relational brokenness and sin, I can see how “people pleasing” plays out in two directions. On one hand, there are people to whom I attach my umbilical cord (metaphorically speaking) hoping they can give me life and fill me up—which, of course, no person can. On the other hand, there are people whose umbilical cords I grab and plug into me, assuming the role of life giver—which is equally impossible and glaringly arrogant. I grieve both of these patterns.
It’s wrong—it’s idolatrous to give anybody the power to make us through their affirmation, or destroy us by their rejection. We’ll never know, love and serve people in healthy ways if our need for affirmation, or fear of rejection, is at the core of our relationships.
Since, like Paul, you’ve “entrusted the gospel” to us, we take these matters very seriously. Because the gospel is true, we can freely confess the depths of our brokenness and helplessness. Because the gospel is powerful, we have great hope for change.
Jesus, by your great and sufficient grace, shrink and disable our inner “approval suck.” By the power of the Holy Spirit, grant us greater assurance that, in you, we already have God’s full acceptance and everlasting approval. By the power of the Holy Spirit, grant us greater freedom from living as posers, pretenders, and performers. By the power of the Holy Spirit, grant us greater joy in loving and serving others—even as you love and serve us. So very Amen we pray, in the beauty and bounty of your name.
Pastor for Preaching
Christ Community Church
Have a CONVERSATION not a CONFRONTATION
Have the conversation one on one.
Express concern giving specific examples of behaviors you have personally .witnessed which led to your concern.
Even if more people are concerned keep to your own observations.
If many people are concerned have sequential one on one conversations.
Your Friend does not need to “Admit” to having an eating disorder.
Leave behind resources from local treatment professionals or facilities.
Refer to an ED Specialist, physician and registered dietitian.
Talk in a loving and supportive way.
Listen with a nonjudgmental ear.
Tell the person you are concerned, you care, and you would like to help.
Your Friend may deny that s/he has a problem. If s/he refuses to get help, tell someone else about your concerns.
Hang in there! It won't be easy.
Don't gossip about him/her to others.
Don't try to solve his/her problems or help with the eating disorder on your own.
Don't talk about weight, food, calories, or appearance. Concern about weight loss may be interpreted as a compliment, & comments about weight gain may be seen as criticism.
Don't expect to be the perfect friend - Reach out for support when you need it.
Don't try to force or encourage your friend to eat.
Don't expect your friend to be "cured" after treatment. Recovery can be a long process.
Don't keep this a secret for your friend. Remember, his/her life may be in danger.