Jun 22 2010

Dr. Paul Meier on "Helicopter Parents"

Our guest today is Dr. Paul Meier, of  Meier Clinics. With many parents facing the emotional challenge of seeing their kids leave home, Dr. Meier helps us recogonize the signs of "hovering" in ourselves and our parents. 

 

ADULTS WHO HAD HELICOPTER PARENTS (CONTROLLING, SPOILING, DEMANDING, EMPHASIZING LOOKS AND PERFORMANCE RATHER THAN QUALITY OF CHARACTER) HAVE

 

1.       FALLING DREAMS, OR DREAMS OF GOING BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL AND NOT KNOWING THEIR LOCKER NUMBER, OR NOT BEING ABLE TO TAKE A TEST, OR BEING LATE, OR OF THEIR TEETH MISSING.

2.       BULIMIA

3.       SUBSTANCE DEPENDENCE

4.       BLAME OTHERS FOR HOW THEY FEEL

5.       DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR FIXING THEIR PROBLEMS

6.       LOW SELF-ESTEEM

7.       NEGATIVE SELF-TALK—THEY NEED TO LEARN TO BECOME THEIR OWN BEST FRIENDS AND SAY TO THEMSELVES WHAT THEY WOULD SAY TO A BEST FRIEND UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES AND LEARN BOUNDARIES SO THEY ARE NOT TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY OR TO BASE THEIR SELF WORTH ON WHAT THEY SEE IN THE EYES OF OTHERS RATHER THAN OF GOD, WHO SAYS IN ROMANS 8:1, “THERE IS THEREFORE NO CONDEMNATION…..” JUST LEARN FROM MISTAKES, RATHER THAN BEATING THEMSELVES UP FOR THEM.

8.       HYPOCHONDRIASIS

9.       PERFECTIONISM AND OCD TRAITS—FEAR OF BEING OUT OF CONTROL IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS, LIKE CROWDED ELEVATORS, MIDDLE OF THE AISLE IN CHURCH OR A MOVIE—PREFERS AISLE, BACK TO WALL IN RESTAURANTS, ORDERS LAST IN RESTAURANTS FOR FEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKE BECAUSE MOM NOT THERE TO TELL HIM OR HER WHAT TO EAT, DOUBTS SALVATION BECAUSE FEELS CONDITIONALLY ACCEPTED.

10.     “DEAR HEAVENLY VERSION OF EARTHLY DOMINANT PARENT”

11.     MARRIES SOMEONE SIMILAR TO DOMINANT PARENT USUALLY.

12.     ATTEND A CHURCH THAT WILL TELL HIM OR HER HOW TO THINK..

13.     NOT VERY GOOD AT RESEARCH OR INDEPENDENT THINKING. BETTER AT ACCOUNTING OR MATH OR REPETITIVE JOBS.

14.     INFANCY MAY HAVE BEEN MARKED WITH LOTS OF “NO-NO’S” RATHER THAN ENCOURAGNG EXPLORATION AND REMOVING DANGEROUS OR VALUABLE OBJECTS.

 

Learn more about Meier Clinics here: http://www.meierclinics.com/ Click below to listen to Dr. Paul Meier.

 

Dr. Paul Meier - Segment 1

Dr. Paul Meier - Segment 2

 

 

Comments (3) -

6/16/2010 10:51:04 PM
Mindy United States
Mindy
I was concerned that I would become really emotional when we left our son at college.  We moved him in one day and got a hotel for the night, planning on meeting some other parents and friends of our son for breakfast the next morning.  When we prayed over him and his room before we left it wasn't as bad cause we knew we would see him the next day.  Then, when we met for breakfast (the kids chose the cafeteria of all places!!) the day after we moved them in before we left for home.  That part was upbeat and we were so amused by how our kids were kicking into "college mode" that the emotion there was happy.  When it was time to leave, no problem there, because there is nothing emotional about a college cafeteria!!!!
6/17/2010 3:59:57 AM
James United States
James
Really enjoyed what Dr. Meier had to share!  During a time of struggle in my life I found Meier Clinics and their staff to be of great help.  Helped me get back on track through Christian principles and insight.
6/17/2010 4:16:49 AM
Janet United States
Janet
Try leaving your kid on reporting in day at a US service academy, or saying goodbye to them before they head off to basic training.  It really does not kick in for a few days sometimes that things have REALLY changed.  But after a few months, you really begin to see the adult that has emerged.  You don't give up the relationship, but you give up the control over every little thing.  AND THAT'S GOOD!!!!
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