Life Questions

First, it’s important to make an honest assessment of your addiction. Admit that you have a problem, and don’t live in denial. Remember, your addiction does not define you. You are still a child of God, loved, and accepted. It’s important that as you embrace the road to freedom from bad habits, you see yourself correctly, just as God sees you. God calls you more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37) This is your identity. Anytime you engage in a bad habit, you forget who you are and who’s you are. It depends on the power of God to set you free. Focus on loving Jesus with all your heart. True, lasting transformation takes place when we take the focus off of ourselves and focus on Christ. Now, you will fail sometimes, so make sure you give yourself grace. Run to God, not from him when you fail. Take it one day at a time. Don’t isolate yourself and make sure you establish a healthy support system that will hold you accountable.

The temptation to engage in pornography, is most likely to come when you haven’t spent much time with God, had enough rest, feel exhausted and overwhelmed, or are struggling to experience true intimacy in your life. Here are a few actions you can take to help you break free from the hold of pornography:

1. Make An Honest Assessment Of Your Addiction: You have a problem and you cannot deny it, justify it, minimize it, or rationalize it.
   
2. Take responsibility for immediate action. Stop feeding your addiction! Get rid of all pornographic materials and avoid places that would offer it.
   
3. Begin a serious effort to build a godly life. Start with prayer. Confess your sins (I John 1:9; Psalm 51:10-12, Jeremiah 29:13). Give yourself to Christ (Romans 12:1). Renew your mind with God’s word (Romans 12:2). Learn to control your thought life (2 Corinthians 10:4-5; Philippians 4:8) and set up a network of accountability, holding yourself accountable to other, mature Christians who can encourage and monitor your behavior (James 5:16). And finally, remember that addictions are a result of what we believe. Choosing to believe that pornography will satisfy your deepest desire is a lie. When someone watches pornography, the message they are sending God is that “porn is more satisfying than God.” That is a lie. Pornography will not satisfy. We must remember that our ultimate satisfaction is in Jesus and him alone. Focus on loving Christ, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, your addiction will be broken.

Smoking is never directly mentioned in the Bible. We do find that there are principles that apply to smoking. The Bible commands us not to allow our bodies to become "mastered" by anything. "Everything is permissible for me -- but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me -- but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Corinthians 6:12). Later in the same passage, we are told, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Smoking is undoubtedly very bad for your health and is strongly addictive. So as believers, we are to be on guard and refuse to be mastered and enslaved by anything. One question that may be helpful to ask is, “Is this spiritually beneficial?” If it’s not, then I would encourage you to stay away. If it hinders our walk with Jesus, it’s not beneficial.

We face a lot of temptations today because three things work against us- the world, our sinful nature and Satan. Satan wants to undermine our faith by using different deceptive schemes to entice us to fall and sin, sowing within us the seeds of doubt, unbelief and rebellion. Two of his powerful temptations were those of Adam and Eve in the Garden, in which he achieved his purpose, and of Jesus in the wilderness, which he failed. We see his favorite tool is to tamper with the Word of God. The Bible calls Christians to stand firm in the faith and to watch out for temptations. God promises to help us resist temptation and has given us everything we need to live victorious (2 Peter 1:3-4). His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his glory and goodness.

The reason most Christians go to church on Sundays is that that’s when the New Testament Christians met for Church, and they were celebrating the day Jesus rose from the grave. The Sabbath Day is Saturday and many people use the ‘principle of the Sabbath’ as a day of rest since even God rested (Genesis 2:7). We also see in the Book of Acts, “Now on the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul, ready to depart the next day, spoke to them and continued his message until midnight.” (Acts 20:7) The disciples coming together to break bread was fellowship and remembrance of the Lord Jesus Christ. It was worship or Church. We also know that from history, the Church met on Sundays, starting in the first century. Whatever day we choose to attend church, our lives should be a 24/7 expression of worshipping God.

One writer said, “Life is 10 % what happens to you, and 90 % how you respond.” Here are three ways to help us overcome stress. First, consider your responses. Sometimes, our response to a situation is worse than the circumstances we are in themselves. Accelerated heart rate at an interview, speaking engagement, or some stressful situation engenders worry. Try to retrain how you think about how you react. Second, God promises you can overcome every temptation. A great promise is that “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and with the temptation, He will provide the way of escape so you may be able to endure it.” (I Cor. 10:13) Sometimes, God provides an escape hatch and other times He empowers us to go through the hard situation. Third, we can give our stress to God. An amazing promise is when Peter writes, “Casting all your cares upon Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). God wants to carry our cares. A key to dealing with stress is with Jesus Christ, and by believing that He can help you. Finally, we can seek His peace by filling our minds with His Word and lifting all things to Him in prayer. Jesus loves us and gives us some verses to help us conquer stress and enjoy life. (Matthew 6:25; Mark 4:19; John 14:1; Proverbs 3:5–6; Psalm 34:4; Philippians 4:6–7)

People who are struggling with suicide can be helped as we follow some important steps. First, care enough to ask people the tough questions if you suspect people are suicidal. When we care enough to ask the person, it also gives them the freedom to share their innermost thoughts. Second, ask them if they have a plan to hurt themselves or take their life. This separates people who are hurting and those who are serious about suicide. Third, take all suicide threats and attempts seriously. If you think the person might harm themselves, do not leave the person alone. Get them to a safe place emotionally and physically. Say I am going to get you some help. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1 -800-273-TALK. You will be connected to the nearest available crisis center, or you can call 911.

Self-acceptance is a common challenge for everyone at times. Here are a few thoughts to consider. First, Jesus Christ loves you and made you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and out of the 7 billion people in the world, there is no one like you! (Psalm 139:13-14) Second, it is helpful to be more concerned about how you can value others' interests and not merely your own. (Phil. 2:3-4) It is amazing how our problems shrink and our sense of self-worth rises when we are more concerned about other’s interests and not only our own.  Third, the good news is you ‘are not good enough,’ but you are still qualified for His grace. Jesus loves us and lived life and died the death that only He could achieve. Realizing God loves me when I was at my worst (Romans 5:8) proves He loves me since we are now His friend. Finally, recognize your true value. There is a difference between a big ego and understanding how much God loves you. Begin new thought patterns and replace negative thoughts by reminding yourself how much God cares about you.

Taxes can be a hot topic. The Pharisees tried to text Jesus about this in Matthew 22:17-21: “ ‘Now tell us what you think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?’ But Jesus knew their evil motives. ‘You hypocrites!’ he said. ‘Why are you trying to trap me? Here, show me the coin used for the tax.’ When they handed him a Roman coin, he asked, ‘Whose picture and title are stamped on it?’ ‘Caesar’s,’ they replied. ‘Well, then,’ he said, ‘give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.’ The government is God's servant, and we are to give what is owed to them. (Rom. 13:6-7) We are to pay our taxes, even if the evilest Roman emperor in history Nero, was the head of the government. When we do, we exercise the muscles of honor to God and our authorities and welcome Him to keep showing up as our Provider.

Many of us struggle with giving. Though God does not need our money, the good news is He desires our hearts. The purpose of tithing is to teach us to always put God first in out lives (Deuteronomy 14:23). The Bible is full of wealthy people who love God (Job 1:1-3) and poor people who were tremendous givers (Luke 21:104). Money is not the problem, it's the love of money that is dangerous. 1 Timothy 6:10 says, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” God wants to be first place in our hearts because our hearts follow what we give to. Giving is a tremendous antidote to materialism. Jesus said in Matthew 6:24, "You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money." Let’s put God first, trust Him with everything, and be outrageous givers. As we work, plan, and save, we will see Him be our Provider and meet all our needs

Losing our job can make us feel insecure, stressed and even depressed. Here are a few ways to keep your fears from taking over and practical things you can do:

1.  Focus on your strengths. God has made you unique and He has good works for you to do (Ephesians 2:10). Find out what you enjoy doing for Him and He will guide you.
2.  Build up your support system through church groups, and employment counseling or other resources. God needs nothing but networking affords God numerous ways to honor your labor to provide employment for you.
3.  Make finding a job a full-time job. One person said, “You have a job, spend 40 hours a week looking for a job.” Work on spending forty hours a week making resumes and doing interviews. It pays off.
4. Serve others so you keep a healthy perspective on your problems.
5. Don’t waste your trial. In due time, God will use your pain and give you humble wisdom and compassion for others in the future. 

"Jesus is coming on May 21st!" said one flier. Campaigns commenting on the end of the world can be discouraging. Here are 3 ways we can educate ourselves and avoid needless panic or confusion:

1. God is the only one who knows when the end and Jesus will come. Jesus told His disciples on the day He ascended: "The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know" (Acts 1:8). Our God and Father alone knows and He loves us so we can trust Him.
2. Jesus is coming soon. Since Jesus is coming soon, we should live loving lives (2 Peter 3:11) for our friends, families, communities and world. His soon coming should engender attractive living.
3. Jesus’ coming is certain so let’s be ready. How can we be ready? Let’s be focused on getting the message of Christ's love to our world. Luke 19 says we are to live, to work, and to be a part of the community to make it a better place. We have the best message in the world pointing to the best person: Jesus Christ. Let’s be ready to take this great message of hope to a world that needs it. Share it with your neighbor, community, and world, and we get to watch what the Lord will do.

Many people can deal with negative thoughts. Imagination is wonderful, but our imagination can work against us if we meditate on negative things. “Meditate” just means to think about something over a period of time. With God’s help, we can banish negative thoughts by thinking right thoughts.

The Bible says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Phil. 4:8). We have the privilege to love God with all our minds. As we think God’s thoughts, we are sending negative thoughts away. As we ‘think about our thinking’ we can put on good thoughts and banish bad thoughts from our lives. It takes time but as you change thinking patterns, it will get easier with practice. When you get bogged down with negative things, think about what you are thinking and put on His mind. Let’s love Jesus with our mind and be the positive person He has called us to be. 

One writer said, “Forgiving someone feels like I’m condoning their activity, and letting them get away with it!” We all struggle with Forgiveness. Here are three motivating reasons to forgive.

1. Lack of forgiveness can be harmful to our body. Psalm 32:3-5 speaks to the anxiety we feel, and the sad consequences we will experience, when we refuse to forgive. Forgiving others is healthy for our soul and body.
2. Forgiving others is an expression of the greatest commandment to love others (Matthew 22:37-40). When I hold a grudge, I am chained to my hurts. I am choosing to nurse the wound, and not to love the person who hurt me. Forgiving frees me.
3. Forgiving others is like God. Since God has forgiven you of EVERY one of your sins, He has called us to forgive others and be like Jesus (Ephesians 4:29).
4. Instead of taking matters into our own hands, we can forgive. Our ability to forgive is directly related to our comprehension of the grace of God. When we extend grace to those who have hurt us, we are truly like Jesus who loved us and gave Himself for us.

As we understand the word ‘yoke’ in its original meaning, we see the word ‘yoke’ referred to a bar of wood. It formed a harness that was put over a set of oxen when they were working. Farmers would yoke the young ox with the old, experienced ox to train the younger ox as it walked alongside. 

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 to ‘take His yoke upon us.’ Unfortunately, when we are ‘unequally yoked together with unbelievers’ (2 Corinthians 6:14), we create heartache for ourselves. We know too well we are not strong enough to bear the weight of somebody going in the opposite direction. But Jesus wants to carry our burdens while we learn from Him. Instead of ‘being bound together with someone moving another direction’ take your cares to God as He loves to bear our burdens. Cast them all upon Him, because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7).

Wondering if we are in the will of God can be difficult. Here are five ways to help us process God’s will. 

1. Believe God wants to guide our lives. Psalms 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” God cares about the details of our life and wants to lead you. 
2. Pray about everything (I Thes.5:16-18). There’s nothing too big or too small to pray about. As pastor once said, “If it’s on your mind, it’s on His heart.”
3. Search the Scriptures. Psalms 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” God guides us right where we are (lamp to my feet) and leads us (a light to my path) by obeying His word. He often uses the wise counsel of others so listen for nuggets of truth from your friends. 
4. Realize opposition does not mean we are outside the will of God. Sometimes, it’s harder as we serve Him (Philippians 1:29), but God is always with us and for us. (Romans 8:31).

The twelve disciples followed Jesus Christ and were trained by Him. After His resurrection and ascension, Jesus sent the disciples out to be His witnesses (Matthew 28:18-20; Acts 1:8). Later, they were referred to as the twelve apostles and the terms "disciples" and "apostles" were used interchangeably unique to the 12.

In Matthew 10:2-4, "These are the names of the twelve disciples/apostles: first, Simon (who is called Peter) and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him." The Bible also lists the twelve disciples/apostles in Mark 3:16-19 and Luke 6:13-16. Though the title of disciple/apostle was unique in biblical times for the 12 disciples, we can all be good followers or disciples of Jesus Christ now and until Jesus comes! 

One writer said, “Freedom is not the ability to do what we WANT, but the ability to do what’s RIGHT.” We all know the struggle we daily face, (Romans 7:19-20) and whoever sins is a slave to sin. But spiritual maturity and true freedom are found when we look to please God.

Since we are all a masterpiece in process (Ephesians 2:10), God has called us to be free to do what’s right. God wants us to take our freedom in Christ, and maximize our own personalities, traits, gifts, and talents to make much of Jesus. (Isaiah 43:7) Paul wrote in Galatians 5:1, "So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law." We don’t have freedom to sin, but a freedom from sin! We are bondservants of Christ, captured by His love, fully forgiven and free to give our lives for Him!

One Author said, “Like jars of peanut butter on the store shelf, we all have an expiration date!” The sobering truth is we will all die one day. But those who know Jesus will forever be in His presence blameless, with great joy (Jude 24).

Sadly, those who have rejected the claims of Christ die and their souls go immediately to eternal punishment. The unsaved person’s body remains in the ground until Christ’s return when they will join their souls for the final sobering day of judgment (Matt. 25:31-46; John 5:28-29; Rev. 20:12). At this time, people who have rejected Jesus will not have a second chance to trust in Christ after death. Hebrews 9:27 says, “And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment.” Since we know these realities and our ‘expiration date’ is coming, we have the privilege of spreading the great message of Jesus Christ so others can be with us one day in heaven in Jesus’ presence blameless, with great joy (Jude 24). 

Feelings of loneliness and fear can trap all of us. Psalm 23:4 says, “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” Even though we have to walk through hard times, God never wastes them. He is using them (Romans 8:28-30) to shape us and strengthen us (Romans 5:3-5).

Philip Keller, wrote in his book A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, “The simple fact is that just as water can only flow in a ditch or channel or valley – so in the Christian’s career, the life of God can only flow in blessing through the valleys that have been carved and cut into our own lives by excruciating experiences.” Sparks might fly in our life, but God is always the Author of their source and holds you in His arms. When fear and loneliness want to trap you, He is with you, has forgiven you, for you, and loves working in and through you (Phil. 2:12-13). You will make it!

Watching church on TV is great for listening to a variety of good preaching and worship. Some people because of injury, illness, or age-related maladies have only that one privilege.

But God loves His church (Matthew 16:18) and promises to build it, bless it, and loves when we engage in it. God desires us to celebrate the dynamic of corporate worship that cannot be experienced on our own (Hebrews 10:24-25). We experience the power of preaching (2 Timothy 3:16-17), nurturing relationships, wisdom from others, encouraging others with our gifts, and numerous support systems where relationships thrive in the family of God at church. (Acts 2:42; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12),

When we attend church, we are encouraged by others, and have the privilege of encouraging others and be pastored by a shepherd who loves his flock of people God has entrusted to him (Ephesians 4:11-16). Let’s work at being part of a local church.

Music is a wonderful gift to mankind and used throughout the Bible. Like anything, music can be used for good, evil, or be a waste of time. Paul gives us wisdom in I Corinthians 10:23, “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ but not everything is good for you. You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’ but not everything is beneficial.” A better question might be, “Is this music beneficial or does it edify me?’”

The Bible describes many styles of music but the style is not as important as the lyrics or content. What we think when we listen to music is critical. Paul encourages us when he says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2). One writer said, “We become what we meditate on.” We can see this deeper in Philippians 4:8 which says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Whatever music we choose, let it edify and encourage you and others.

The Wicca religious belief system centers around gods, goddesses, and nature worship; not the Jesus of the Bible. (John 14:6) Wicca is based on harmony with nature and all aspects of the god and goddess divinity, instead of loving God. (Matthew 22:37-40)

Wiccan practice involves the manipulation of nature through various rituals in attempts to gain power, prestige, and love. They believe in reincarnation and karma, even though the bible says we die once and then meet God (Hebrews 9:27). Wiccan uses symbols but do not have a structure of clergy. It does have priests and priestesses which are in leadership positions within covens that have witches. The varying traditions of Wicca have different requirements for attaining the level of priest and priestess. Paul dealt with beliefs like this in Colossae who viewed Jesus as less than God. But Jesus is God and Paul shared the way to true understanding is found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:15-20).

Here are five ways that God directs our steps:

1. The Bible. The Bible is our GPS.  Psalm 73:24 says, “You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.” As we read and study the bible, the Holy Spirit directs us to truths presented in Scripture.
2. Prayer. We can seek God’s guidance through prayer. James 1:5 says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Spend time talking to God. Tell Him your thoughts, desires and dreams.
3. Seek Wise Counsel of Mature Christians – We are blessed to have people who love Jesus guide us. Speak with mature, godly people asking for their counsel in your situation and listen carefully to their stories. This counsel may also come from sermons, books, videos and/or radio programs by godly people.
4. Circumstances. You might consider these questions: What are your talents, training, experiences and desires? What responsibilities do you have and what/who will be impacted by your decisions? Psalm 37:23 says, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly.” Look at the circumstances surrounding your situation. All of these work together in making your decision.

5. Peace. When we are following God's plan, we often have peace in our heart. "Be still in the presence the Lord and wait patiently for Him" (Psalms 37:7). Wait for that peace. We encourage you to use all five of these sources of direction as you seek for God's will for your life.

God does speak to us today. The primary way He speaks to us is through the Bible. The Bible is God’s Word for us and to us. It says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful...” (Hebrews 4:12).The Bible is primarily what we know about God and Jesus and His word contains what He wants to speak to us. 

Through His Word, we can discern if it is really God speaking to us as opposed to our own heart's desires (2 Tim. 3:16-17, John 10:5,17, 27) or other unhealthy voices. God also speaks to us through His Spirit as He guides us through life like a Silent Shepherd. His leading will always be in keeping with His Word and the glory of Jesus (John 16:14). He also speaks through the teaching of the bible (Ephesians 4:12) as communicators rightly divide the Bible and share it in all its beautiful truth.

"Forgive" is a financial term as well as a spiritual term, which means to cancel the debt. The person recognizes the debt as such and makes the internal personal decision to release the offender from his/her indebtedness. Forgiveness is often confused with such things as ignoring the offense, trying to forget it, and reconciliation of the relationship. The reality is, the impact from the offense will have to be considered for the past, present and the inevitable future. Choosing to forgive is a personal, conscious and powerful choice of the will and you may have to ask the Lord to help you to forgive truly. Choosing to release the offender from his or her indebtedness is to be like the Lord Himself (Matthew 6:12; Matthew 18:21-35). Remember, our lives as Christians are based on a man who forgave us. Our greatest need is to be forgiven of sin, and Christ has provided that forgiveness for us. With the Lord’s help, we can choose to forgive.

We all live in a world that is demanding more and more from us, and if we are not careful, we may find ourselves burnt out. Therefore we must practice good self-care and engage in life-giving activities. Establishing healthy rhythms of rest is possible, but only with intentionality. To deal with burnout, we must begin by accepting your human limitations. We have limitations of emotional, physical, mental, and time, and we must learn the secret of saying no. You may find that you need to prune some activities from your life and find some downtime to relax and get some exercise. Learning the art of obeying the fourth commandment and refreshing your life is necessary. Self-care is not selfish!

The good news is God is not trying to take away physical desire; He is trying to purify it (I Thes. 4:3-9) within the bounds of marriage. God created us to be attracted to each other and to desire physical intimacy in marriage (Genesis 2:23-25). Here are a few strategies to observe:

1. Begin with group dating. When you are with a group of friends, the allurements of temptation are smaller and the success of the relationship is higher. It is also a great way to get to know someone.
2. Avoid tempting situations. God provides an escape for temptation (I Cor. 10:13), but intentionally walking into the quicksand of impurity is unwise. One pastor said, “90 % of all temptation can be avoided if we AVOID the tempting situation.” That is wise counsel.
3. Find an accountability partner. Shouldering the issues of relationships helps when we walk together with an accountability partner of the same gender who is a mature Christian. They will care about you enough to ask the tough questions and pray for you.
4. Become the right person. The best way to FIND the right person is to be the RIGHT person who chases the will of God (Deut. 6:5). When we seek God vertically, it oils and enhances our horizontal relationships. Instead of feeling guilty, a heart that seeks God and honors others will yield healthy friendships and even a thriving marriage in God’s time.

People who ask this question should be encouraged because it displays a key quality in marriage: teachability. A person who is spiritually mature and walking with God is more prepared for marriage than anyone else. Marriage demands commitment, passion, humility, love, and respect. These traits are most evident in a person who has an intimate relationship with God. As you prepare yourself for marriage, focus on allowing God to shape you and mold you (Romans 8:28-30) into the man (I Cor. 16:13-14) or woman He wants you to be. If you submit yourself to Him, He will enable you to be ready for marriage when that wonderful day arrives. We also encourage people to get pre-marital counseling since having an enduring marriage is better than just a pretty wedding. As you spend time with your pastor, Christian counselor, or mentor, it will help every believer be ready for the great gift we call marriage.  

Having a mosquito in a tent is a big problem. Addictions to alcohol are larger and even harder to remedy. The closer a relationship becomes, the deeper heart issues begin to surface. Since relationships and marriage are enjoyable but hard work, waiting to cultivate a relationship with a person of self-control is essential (Galatians 5:16-23). Indeed, the more the relationship grows, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more important to manifest. One writer said, “the only person you can change is you,” and life-change is part of a life that follows Jesus. To expect to stop someone from drinking or tolerate, it sets the relationship up for failure. People change when they know Jesus (John 14:6) and want to change. The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 shows the young man desired to change and come back home when he reached his extreme desperation. We encourage people to keep praying, waiting, and be the right person of character and watch God answer your prayers in His perfect timing.

Most couples start marriage "in love," but the divorce statistics reveal we need a deeper love to endure in marriage. Since God is the author of love and the Maker of marriage, success is found only in Him. Here are three reasons to take pre-marital counseling.

1. Marriage can be extremely challenging under the best of circumstances. When couples come together, two selfish people come together in need of God’s grace (2 Peter 3:18).
2. Marriage is full of male/female differences. A different family of origin and a host of other perspectives on marriage collide. Premarital counseling can help each person understand the latent biases that both people bring to the marriage.
3. Marriage is full of expectations. One Author called expectations, ‘silent killers.’ When expectations are realistic, there is unity. But unrealistic expectations tarnish many marriages that can end in divorce. Pre-marital counseling flushes out unhealthy expectations and male/female differences in a neutral setting. Pre-marital counseling equips you with the tools to love your spouse as God has designed and brought glory to him by having an enduring Christ-centered marriage.

Pain associated with an affair can be overwhelming.  To move forward, here are a few steps to consider: First, grow yourself. Amidst the turmoil of the situation, spending time reading God’s word and stabilizing yourself is critical. Reminding yourself how God loves you and is for you is important. (Romans 8:31-39) You might also get some exercise and eat healthy to help you through this season. Second, receive counseling as soon as possible. Speak to your pastor or a Christian counselor since you cannot shoulder these burdens alone. Third, consult trustworthy family and friends.  Share with them what happened and what you need from them. Be clear about how confidential you want them to keep what you share with them. Finally, get connected to a local church. They should be another support system as you can not should these burdens alone. As you apply these principles and know the healing powers of God's grace, you can still have a thriving marriage as God works in both of your hearts.

Divorce can be a snap reaction or the end of a series of disappointments. Here are a few principles to ponder amidst a potential divorce. First, know God’s love for you. Jesus does understand and is for us (Romans 8:31-39). Second, Trust God to build your house. The Bible says in Psalm 127:1, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." Third, pray for your marriage. Even if you cannot pray together, God answers and hears our prayers (Psalm 18:6). Fourth, Find a church community. Attend service each week and join a small group that can help develop relationships with godly people who you can lean on for encouragement and support. Fifth, Embrace God's attitude about marriage and divorce. The Bible says that when two are joined together in marriage, they are no longer two, but one. (Genesis 2:23-24; Mark 10:8) Divorce is allowed for sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9), and if a believer leaves (1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16) but encouraging reconciliation is a noble course.  We all are married to imperfect spouses and at one time or another, could justify divorce because of "emotional desertion." But take heart; God loves you and wants the best for you and can even transform an unsatisfying marriage into a great one.

Remember that you did not cause this, you can’t control his actions, and you can't cure this; only God can. Begin with prayer and follow with a day-to-day commitment to love your husband the way God loves you. There may be times where feelings of hurt, anger, rejection come up. When this happens, you mustn’t isolate yourself. You’ve been deeply hurt and need other women to express your pain to; women who can provide support, comfort, and who can pray with you. Once your husband begins the road to recovery, don't expect him to become completely free from all sexual sin overnight, especially if he's spent years saturating his mind with lust. I would also encourage to speak to your husband about connecting to a Christian, Bible-based counselor. Remember, with the Lord’s help and with your support; he will overcome the battle with lust. Your job is to continue to pray and extend grace to your husband.

The first step in rekindling your marriage is to start paying attention again.  Do you remember how much attention you gave your spouse before you were married? The quickest way for you to put the spark back into your marriage is to start affirming, appreciating and admiring the strength of your spouse. Don’t focus on their weaknesses; name the strengths you see. Remember your words have the power to build your spouse or destroy. Remember how affectionate you were when you first started dating? It’s important to bring that back into your marriage each day. You had an adventure when you had romance. Don’t lose that adventure! When everything is predictable, a marriage is usually stagnant. All work and no play makes a dull marriage. Be intentional about setting up date nights with your spouse and take time just to have fun. Go back to that first love and rekindle the passion in your marriage. With the Lord’s help, you will make it! Remember: The couple that prays – and plays – together, stays together.

Forgiveness is foundational to every healthy relationship. We are imperfect people, and we hurt each other and let one another down regularly. Learning to forgive each other is crucial for preserving loving relationships.  These nine words can save your relationship, "I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me." Use them often as they have great power in maintaining closeness in relationships. Forgive early. Don't allow a lot of time to pass. Very often, the greater the time-lapse, the greater the damage is done to the relationships.  Jesus sets the bar in forgiveness. He says we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Do we deserve this forgiveness? No Jesus said, "If you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive you" (Matt 11:26).   Choose to be one who forgives quickly and often, allowing God’s grace to prevail in your relationships!

Living in an abusive situation is not God's will for your life. He loves and cares for you, and desires that you experience his love, peace, joy, and the abundant life that only He can give. Abusive behavior was never a part of God's plan for marriage.

Paul teaches in the New Testament that regulation of sexual behavior is necessary to preserve the sacred meaning of intimacy and marriage and that two people become "one flesh" (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). Sexual intercourse outside marriage violates God’s purpose, destroying the meaning of total union that He intended. The order that God established in regards to marriage is to “Leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife”(Genesis 2:24). That is to say that the goal of dating is to marry and become one, not fornicating and living in sexual sin. Once a person commits to marriage and becomes one, God’s desire is for us to enjoy sex in the context of marriage.

Remember, your spouse is not a project. You do not have the power to save them; only Jesus does. If your spouse is not a Christian, your job is to model Jesus to them every day. Notice the good in your spouse and openly share it. Name what you appreciate and be an encourager.  I would also strongly encourage you to pray for your spouse’s salvation. Their salvation is ultimately in the hands of God. Your job is to pray and be a light in the home! Don't let the matter destroy your marriage. Live your life and be an example. Mathew 5:16 says, “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

Even the apostle Paul knew the struggle we all have with sin in life. (Romans 7:19) But Jesus is the direction of our life, not the perfection of it. Baptism is an important act of obedience and does not save us or wash away our sins. It illustrates a believer's union with Christ in His death, burial, and resurrection. If we know Jesus Christ as Savior and understand what baptism signifies when we are baptized, then we do not need to be baptized again. If we did not know Jesus as Savior when we were baptized, then we need to be baptized again because it is essentially ‘believer’s baptism.’ But if a person has received Jesus as Lord and Savior, He is a child of God and will one day be with Jesus in heaven. (John 14:1-3, 6)

The Bible teaches that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but the rulers, powers, world forces, and spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). These demons or evil spirits are fallen angels who, along with Satan, rebelled against God and desire to deceive the whole world (Revelation 12:9). Long ago, Satan took one-third of the angels with him (Ezekiel 28:12-15) to rebel against God and deceive those who follow and worship God. (Isaiah 14:12-15) Since God created us for His glory (Isaiah 43:7), we should avoid either imbalance of dismissing the presence of evil and demons, as well as being too preoccupied with their evil potential. Ultimately, God wins and He who is in us is greater than the evil one who is in the world. (I John 4:4)

We all have moments where we struggle with ‘gray areas’ in life. But everything we know about reality, right and wrong ultimately comes from God. We discover this truth by learning the bible (2 Timothy 3:16-17) as it teaches us that anything that displeases, and dishonors God is sin. Hence, it should be our noble desire to please God (2 Cor. 5:9). We often know we do wrong by our conscience and feel guilty. We can know right from wrong observing the Ten Commandments. It is a list of wrong things like stealing, lying, dishonoring our parents, all which spring from a lack of love for God. Thankfully, Jesus loved us so much that He fulfilled the ten commandments on our behalf by dying for us. Jesus knew all the wrong things we did and died for all of them. As we commit to Jesus (John 3:16), and delight ourselves in Him, (Psalm 37:4), He changes our lives to help us do the right things that please God!

Everyone struggles with prayer. Improving our prayer life is a noble challenge, and prayer is communicating with God. Since God knows everything, and is a prayer-hearing God, He loves open and honest conversation with Him. We can tell him what is on our hearts without blushing. We can pray while we sit, stand, or lay down since God is interested in the condition of our heart. 1 John 5:14-15 says we can have confidence when we come to God in prayer, knowing He hears us and will grant whatever we ask as long as it is in His will.  Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to pray without being anxious, to pray about everything, and to pray with thankful hearts. The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) includes a pattern of things to pray for.  It includes worship, confession, prayer for others, prayer for yourself, and victory over sin. Keep praying since God is worthy to be sought.

We all have moments where we feel stale spiritually. A key way to revitalize your spiritual life is to reflect on three things.

1. Consider what might be crowding out our love for Jesus. “Is Jesus the One I love the most?” can be a good question. Jesus never called us to a religious list of rules but to a vibrant relationship with Himself. Reflect on other loves that might be in the way and let’s open our hearts for a fresh inrush of Him.
2. Remember when you first believed. Jesus said one way can remove staleness is to remember what our love for Him was like when we first believed. Allow your former passion, obedience, and love for the Word to ignite new passions in you by turning from what detours us. (Revelation 3:19)
3. Return to the things you did when you first believed. It will help you recall your priority and prevent us from outward religion. Let’s encourage one another to love Jesus genuinely today.