Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another. – Hebrews 13:4 NLT
Congratulations on your decision to get married! Whether you are engaged or getting ready to pop the question, there are some important things to consider about this lifelong commitment.
Before our wedding day, we started pre-marriage counseling and dug deep into the parts of our relationship that would last longer than our good looks and happy feelings. We discussed our opinions on children, health, expectations, money habits, parents, jobs, travel plans, and future goals, and we learned that marriage is much more than a simple legal agreement. It is a permanent covenant.
I’ll never forget the day when I chose to marry my husband and publically declare our unbreakable vows. It was the day I decided I didn’t want to live another day without him, and it was a time of great excitement and happiness. However, in all honesty, our wedding day was also mingled with an unexpected amount of anxiety as well, because our ten-month engagement season was one of our most stressful and intense times.
I hope, as you’re reading this, that you are processing the weight of making a covenant before God. You see, in a divine legal covenant, both people make a promise to God and vow to uphold it no matter what. It’s a promise to the King of kings that lasts as long as you and your spouse have breath in your lungs. Your commitment is not relative to your feelings or circumstances either, but it is founded on the very authority of God and His Word. You are committing to choosing your spouse over yourself and others for the rest of your life. So here are 5 tips to help you get ready for marriage.
1. Pursue wise counsel. Your perception of marriage cannot be founded on a popular Disney story or a Hallmark holiday special. Proverbs 11:14 encourages us that there is safety in having many advisors. Pursuing wise counsel is one of the most valuable things you can do to prepare for a long, healthy marriage. Surround yourself with couples who have strong, healthy marriages, and allow them to share their stories. Try to find couples that have been married longer than 25 years, and make it your intention to spend time with them to listen and learn from their trials and triumphs.
2. Seek the Lord together. Read the Bible, pray, and attend church together. This is a powerful way to cultivate unity. Psalm 133:1 speaks of the blessing of living together in unity. Consider God’s plan and purpose for you as a couple. What has God called you and your future spouse to do for Him?
3. Communicate honestly. Open and honest communication is the lifeblood of every marriage. This is a great time to learn how to listen, empathize with each other, and seek understanding. James 1:19 encourages us to be good listeners willing to exercise sincerity and compassion in our conversations. Take time to learn each other’s temperament and communication style. Don’t shy away from difficult emotions and make sure to communicate through them. Use a personality or pre-marriage assessment to help you identify and work through potential problem areas.
4. Practice forgiveness. Learn to forgive quickly and often. You need to cultivate this practice long before you say, “I do”. Colossians 3:12-15 will help you remember how valuable this practice is to a strong and loving relationship. Get used to saying, “I was wrong for what I said or did”, and own your mistakes.
5. Expect change. Allow room for each other to grow and change on this long journey. Remember that you are both growing human beings. Use Ecclesiastes 3:1 and Ephesians 4:2 to help you exercise patience and adapt to one another. Celebrate your differences and encourage each other through unexpected changes. Remember that positive growth and change are good.
Dig Deeper
1. Read Proverbs 11:14 and Proverbs 18:22. What practical wisdom can you receive from these two scriptures? How can you apply it to your relationship this week?
2. Read 1 Peter 4:8. How can you cultivate a habit of showing love and generosity to your future spouse? How can you continue to do this once you are married?
3. Take this list of topics below and set aside time to discuss each one with your spouse-to-be. Learn what God’s Word has to say about each of these areas and then submit your expectations and goals to the truth outlined in the authority of His Word.
