For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
I remember being newly married and feeling overwhelmed because my husband and I moved to a new state and had to start over navigating all new relationships. Being away from the familiarity of my hometown and having to be the person that no one knew, felt like I was choosing to sign up to live in an isolated nightmare. The thought of combining a new job, new church, new friends, new family members, and new neighbors into one life experience was terrifying to me. I had social anxiety, big time. While anyone can easily feel a little awkward in social situations at any given time, social anxiety is different. It’s often marked by an avalanche of negative thoughts and feelings that lead to an internal panic often coupled with emotions of hopelessness.
The way I coped was to be shy and avoid social situations as much as possible, but I knew that God had more in store for this season of my life than this. So, I chose to follow the Lord’s leading, and I forced myself to hang out with other people by joining a prayer group, going to birthday parties, and signing up for different church social events. I was scared at first, but God’s peace and presence helped me in the process, and He can help you just the same. Follow these helpful steps to get you through anxious times to better handle social situations with the peace and confidence you’re really looking for.
1. Recognize the early signs of an anxious response. What are the first things you notice yourself doing? Recognize those patterns as an invitation to try some of these proactive strategies:
– Deep breaths (4 seconds in, hold it for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds).
– Get a drink of water.
– Engage your 5 senses and take some time to notice what is around you. (5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste).
– Say a prayer (knowing God is lovingly and actively listening to you).
2. Shift your focus. Focus on anything or anyone but yourself. Giving your attention to something or someone other than your anxious feelings will help you greatly, especially if you decide to serve someone else or ask someone how you can pray for them. Proverbs 11:25 tells us “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”
3. Connect with one person in the room, even if you feel afraid. Introduce yourself and ask someone a question about their life. Pay more attention to how they react than how you feel. Keep practicing and it will become easier. Remember Isaiah 41:10 which says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
4. Know that God is right there with you. Count on this fact: He will give you the ability to do what pleases Him in conversation or interactions with others. Don’t be shy about asking for His help. Philippians 2:13 says that God will work in and through you to bring forth “the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.”
5. Take a break if you need one. It’s okay to excuse yourself to the bathroom or walk outside to take a deep breath and pray. You can even practice some of the tools mentioned earlier to help you recover from an anxious moment. Take courage from Philippians 4:6-7 which says you don’t have to be anxious but can trust these things to God in prayer and allow His peace to protect your heart and mind.
Dig Deeper
1. Read Proverbs 18:1. Have you isolated yourself? What is one thing you can do this week to help break out of isolation? Name one person who can hold you accountable.
2. Read Philippians 2:3-4. How can you practice this principle of humility in your social life?
