The old line is that in all environments you are in, you are either a thermostat or a thermometer. That is, you are either measuring the temperature or you are setting it.
A thermometer only receives information and records it, telling others about it.
A thermostat receives information, and if it doesn’t align with desired values, acts to change it.
The human default is to measure and tell people about it. It’s easier and gets people on our side.
How do you do the work to set it?
Here are 5 ways to change the atmosphere of the rooms you are in.
Say something good
By this, I don’t mean come up with something impressive or smart to say. That’s a waste of energy. No, say something good to someone in the room about themselves. This works in business, school, home, gym, neighborhood; wherever you find yourself. What if you became the person who lifts people with your words? It requires no title or permission. You can do it at any time. This is thermostat activity 101.
Take this a bit further. Think a good thought about someone? Make sure to tell them. Feel something good toward someone? Let them know. Don’t hold it in. Give people their eulogy and their flowers while they can hear them and hold them now. It’s why we’re currently doing 40 Days of Uplift and Praise (you can jump in anytime). No one suffers from too much encouragement.
Do something good
Take action. Think ahead. Be thoughtful. Consider what someone needs and do it ahead of time. Act for someone’s good. Act for the projects good. Do more than is required. If you are the kind of person who has a lot of people you are around, and you know you can’t do that for everyone, take this advice from Andy Stanley: “Do for the one what you wish you could do for all.”
Really listen to the person talking
“Being listened to is so close to being loved that the two are almost indistinguishable.”
-Anonymous
As a pastor, I am a professional listener. That is people assume (rightly), they can come talk to me. But I confess I don’t always listen well. Tasks, pressing distractions, time constraints, lack of paying attention, listening to respond instead of simply listening, can all keep me from being fully present. Here is the secret to listening. Put down everything you have (phones, papers, thoughts), look the person in the eyes, listen to what they are saying without thinking about how you’ll respond. That’s it.
It's so rare, that when someone actually does it, it lifts people to the heights.
Smile
You can smile with your mouth (fake smiling), or you can smile with your face. Smile with your face. Let enjoyment take over your countenance. The Psalmist repeatedly uses the phrase “Let your face shine on us.” We know when someone shines on us because their whole face tells us so via their smile.
We are all searching for the smile. So smile at people. Be glad to see them. I find that when I begin my days receiving God’s smile through the Gospel, I am more able to smile at others. Smiling brings joy into the room Special note to leaders. Smile, it's a way to improve your leadership instantly. Our task is to bring joy to people.
Don’t take yourself seriously
You aren’t that big of a deal. No one is. We are all human beings having a human experience. You may have an important set of tasks to do, but if you’ll parse those tasks to the bottom, you’ll find they aren’t about you—they are for the sake of other people (if they are all about you, you are leaning your ladder against the wrong wall). So take what you are doing seriously. Do it well. But laugh at yourself. Enjoy your humanity. Happily roll your eyes at your own attempts. When you relax into your humanity, you give other people permission to do the same and it shifts the atmosphere. - Pastor Scott Marshall, Wichita First Church of the Nazarene