Why are other people here?
Most of the time most of humanity simply exists near other people.
Like wheels on a train, we run right next to each other; either in front of, behind, or parallel to, but never truly meet.
I am convinced it takes something as monumental as a conversion to see people any other way. We have to be converted to the fact we aren’t to simply exist near people; we must love them. This moral must must break into the heart to help us see what other people are here for.
It’s why Jesus responded to a question about the most important command for the human person with a two-sided answer.
#1 Love God with everything you have.
#2 Love your neighbor as yourself.
In other words, we are commanded by God to see what people are here for (to love) and put a halt to the empty human practice of existing near people.
In the interest of action, here are 7 ways to give love to the people around you and 8 ways to help you receive it from people.
7 WAYS TO GIVE LOVE
#1 Give your ears.
“Being listened to is so close to being loved that the two are almost indistinguishable.” Look the person in the eyes, take in what they are saying, without thinking about what you’ll say next. Hear them.
#2 Give your eyes.
Look at the person and see that they are indeed, a person. See them. Notice they have flaws, and concerns, and a past, and hopes, and desires—like you. See them.
#3 Give compliments.
We are starved for appreciation, all of us. Find something specific and praise them for it. General compliments don’t mean anything and fill the air with nothingness. Specific compliments go to a person’s soul.
“When you did X, that really helped me. Thank you.”
“You’re so good at Y.”
“I really appreciate it when you Z”
#4 Give encouragement.
To en-courage is to “put courage in”. Encouragement isn’t for weak people or children, it’s for humans. Before a back injury, I ran four marathons. I trained and knew that I could do it. But every runner who’s run for a while puts their name on their bib or shirt. Why? Because hearing people shout out at multiple points in your race “Scott, you can do it!”—even complete strangers—matters.
#5 Give gifts.
Shortly after I graduated from seminary, while driving some students to an event, someone I counted as a friend asked me what I was going to do to celebrate and reward myself. Without really thinking about it, I said to my friend that I wanted to get a Mountain Bike but wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the money. Not long after was my birthday. I walked out to my car and parked next to my car was a brand-new Mountain Bike, adorned with ribbon and this note,
“Happy Birthday. Love, Jesus.”
I type this through tears because it still moves me to this day.
I’m highlighting the power of a thoughtful gift, not suggesting its size. They love a certain snack? Write it down and surprise them with it. They said they love a specific pair socks? Buy them another pair and give them to them. Thoughtful gifts—no matter how small—communicate love.
#6 Give touch.
The power of non-threatening, non-invasive, gentle touch is immense. I was a young leader, and a highly respected leader in our denomination was at the same small gathering. He joined the conversation and put his hand on my shoulder in a gesture of affirmation. I still remember how encouragement and hope went through me. A hand on the arm. A warm hand-shake. An encouraging pat on the back. A hug. They send love in physical form.
#7 Give delight.
Decide that when people walk into the room, you will light up. That doesn’t have to mean big, extroverted overtures. It means you communicate to them their presence is valuable. You smile, you turn toward them, you express welcome. Communicate, even if non-verbally and silently is the best you’ve got at the moment, that you are delighted to see them.
The Apostle Paul, riffing on Jesus, notes “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35) Pick two acts of giving and try them this week. Watch your own delight go up as you express love to people.
8 WAYS TO RECEIVE LOVE
Culturally, we are reluctant receivers. We feel it puts us in a place of owing the other person, and so resist. But love given is meant to be love received. It’s the receiving of love that completes the gift.
#1 Receive the compliment.
Someone compliments you. Instead of pushing it off, spiritualizing it, or dismissing it as not true, receive it as a gift of love by simply saying, “thank you.”
#2 Receive people in your space.
It’s hard to receive (or give) love when you aren’t near people. Revive (or start for the first time) the practice of having people over and going out with people. Since people are the conduits of love, be near people. Receive them into your space.
#3 Receive the freedom to slow down.
Driving on the interstate, you miss most of what’s near you because of your speed. Things up close are a blur, and you can only accurately see what’s in the distance. It’s why Sunday drives used to be a thing. No pressure + no schedule = time to slow down and see what’s near you. To receive (and give) love, you must go slow so people can be near you. Sometimes we go fast because we fear not being loved. Our pace serves as a protection against hurt.
#4 Receive a smile.
Someone smiles at you, smile back. A smile is the heart on display. Receive it for what it is—an act of love.
#5 Receive a shift in perspective.
Rather than filtering the world through a lens of suspicion, what if you filtered it through a lens of love? What if you assumed the majority of other people’s actions were attempts to communicate love?
Do people fail in the way they communicate love? Often, all of us.
But what if you and I shifted to see the attempt? Could we decide to assume the best? You’d receive people’s actions as attempts at love and less as their failure to get it right, filling your own tank of love in the process.
#6 Receive healing.
Often, we can’t receive love because of barriers in us. Someone wants to love us, help us, be kind to us, listen to us, see us, and our inner barriers tell us no.
“They don’t mean it.”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“They are trying to get something from me.”
“I’m not worth it.”
Our pain from our past—unresolved—keeps us from receiving love. The ministry of Jesus was a ministry of healing that extends to you. What if you received it?
#7 Receive your justification by faith.
On October 31, 1517, Catholic priest Martin Luther recovered a profound doctrine: You and I are accepted by God through simple faith andnothing else. The human experience and religion both try to tell us we must justify our existence via our moral performance, by performing good works, or by being in the good graces of the Church; the genesis of condemnation.
The doctrine of justification by faith is a full stop to the condemning whispers in the heart and from religion. You are in by the sheer gift of the love of God. You are justified by faith by receiving what Jesus has done for you.
Why is this important?
It is profoundly difficult to accept love if you do not believe you are accepted.
Richard Lovelace encourages us.
“Few know enough to start each day with a thoroughgoing stand upon Luther’s platform: you are accepted, looking outward in faith and claiming the wholly alien righteousness of Christ as the only ground for acceptance…”
#8 Receive the love of God.
This is the real starting place. Christians see receiving the love of God—expressed in Christ—as the ground floor where the human heart receives its value and worth. Out of being loved by God, human love can be given and received.
Listen to this story from Brennan Manning.
“Several years ago, Edward Farrell, a priest from Detroit, went on a two-week summer vacation to Ireland to visit relatives. His one living uncle was about to celebrate his 80th birthday. On the great day, Ed and his uncle got up early. It was before dawn. They took a walk along the shores of Lake Killarney and stopped to watch the sunrise. They stood side by side for a full twenty minutes and then resumed walking. Ed glanced at his uncle and saw that his face had broken into a broad smile. Ed said, "Uncle Seamus, you look very happy."
"I am."
Ed asked, "How come?"
And his uncle replied,
"The Father of Jesus is very fond of me."
Pastor Scott Marshall
Pastor Scott Marshall, center left