In a world where smartphones outnumber running toilets—6 billion to 4.5 billion, according to estimates—parents face a daunting task: how to guide their children through the digital landscape.
Technology is woven into daily life, from entertainment to communication, but it comes with challenges that demand intentional parenting. Drawing from biblical wisdom and practical insights, let’s talk about how families can steward technology thoughtfully, anchored by Proverbs 4:23 and 1 Peter 1:13.
Proverbs 4:23 urges us to “Be vigilant over your own heart, for from it flow the springs of life.” This verse prompts a question: what are we allowing into our hearts—and our children’s hearts—through technology? The content we consume shapes our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Similarly, 1 Peter 1:13 calls us to “Prepare our minds for action and be sober-minded.” This means being deliberate about what enters our minds and teaching our kids to do the same.
As families, these verses invite us to discuss technology’s role in our lives. So, what does it mean to guard our hearts and minds in a digital age?
One of the first questions parents grapple with is whether their child needs a smartphone—and when. The decision isn’t trivial. A smartphone opens a world of possibilities, but it also creates more parenting work. Research shows that kids’ responses to smartphones vary by personality. Social, self-disciplined children often manage devices well, sometimes setting their own boundaries. But for kids who struggle with self-control or honesty, a smartphone can amplify challenges, pulling them into a vortex of distractions or unhealthy habits. Knowing your child’s unique temperament is key to making informed choices.
The temptation to hand a toddler a device for a moment of peace is real. A busy parent with a high-energy 3-year-old might see a tablet as a lifesaver. But studies reveal significant downsides. Early exposure to screens can hinder self-control and foster reactive attention, where kids respond to stimuli rather than choosing what to focus on. This impacts their ability to block out distractions, a critical skill for learning and development. Brain studies even show that excessive screen time can underdevelop areas responsible for self-control, making it harder for kids to meet expectations as they grow. By age 7 or 8, these children may struggle behaviorally. They may turn back to devices for comfort, creating a cycle of dependency.
Yet technology isn’t all bad. It streamlines family organization and communication, from shared calendars to quick check-ins. The challenge is setting boundaries that protect what matters most: relationships, conversations, and healthy habits. Here are five practical areas to consider.
1. Dinner Table as a Sacred Space
Make the dinner table a device-free zone. Silence phones and model this behavior as parents. Conversation at the table does more than fill bellies—it synchronizes brains and fosters connection. Try lingering with a board game to extend this time. If a child pulls out a device, gently remind them of the boundary. A second offense might mean losing the device for a day, reinforcing trustworthiness.
2. Car Rides for Connection
Driving is prime time for meaningful talks. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been on your mind?” or, “What’s worrying you?” Devices should stay tucked away to preserve these moments. Enforce boundaries consistently, using reminders and consequences to teach respect for family time.
3. Guests Deserve Attention
When hosting, devices should be set aside. This shows respect and helps kids learn to engage with others. Growing up, I learned to ask questions and connect with guests at my parents’ table—a skill my own kids have honed by following the same practice.
4. Visiting Others’ Homes
At a friend or family member’s house, devices shouldn’t be a crutch for boredom or discomfort. Help kids navigate these feelings, building resilience and social skills that serve them into adulthood.
5. Unplug for Real Rest
Phones don’t belong by the bed. The excuse that “it’s my alarm” doesn’t hold up—offer an alternative. Notifications can disrupt sleep, and late-night screen time feeds low self-control, tempting kids to scroll or watch videos. Poor sleep is linked to anxiety and depression, so charge phones elsewhere.
These boundaries aren’t about control. They're about love. Kids may protest, citing friends’ looser rules. Validate their feelings: “I get it, it feels unfair.” Then explain that these limits are about their health, not just happiness. Consistency as parents is crucial. Spouses should align, support each other, and keep the conversation ongoing.
Technology is a tool, not a master. By anchoring our approach in biblical principles—guarding our hearts, preparing our minds—we equip our kids to navigate the digital world with wisdom. So gather around the table, talk in the car, and keep connecting. These moments build a foundation that no device can replace.
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As our children grow up, they experience constant change. From physical to emotional and mental to spiritual change, our kids are searching for guidance and positive influence as they explore the world. In our role as parents, there are a variety of ways that we can encourage our children’s social and behavioral development.
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Dr. Danny Huerta is a bilingual psychologist and licensed clinical social worker who oversees Focus on the Family’s parenting initiatives. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblical, and research-based parenting advice on topics such as media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors instead of consumers in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has served families through private practice and at the ministry for more than 15 years and is the author of the book 7 Traits of Effective Parenting.
