Lessons Learned Through Parenting
Before I became a parent, I heard from several people that it’s the most challenging and best job I’ll ever have. However, I couldn’t appreciate how true this was until my children were born.
Now that my kids have kids, I find myself looking back on my time as a parent—the mistakes I made, the things I wish I had done, and the lessons I learned. Of course, I did a lot with my kids that I hope they do with their kids. But there are also many mistakes I made that I hope I can help my kids avoid with theirs.
I’m not a perfect parent or grandparent, but I have learned a lot. Here are eight of the biggest lessons that have helped me in my parenting journey:
1. Always keep God first in your life and in your child’s.
When my kids were growing up, I sought to prioritize daily devotional time with them. Still, I know I fell short in taking advantage of opportunities to pray with them, especially at bedtime. I wanted to pass on to them the most essential part of a relationship with Christ—namely, prayer! Children model what they see, not just what they hear.
2. Always encourage your child to try new things.
I should have promoted and participated more with my kids in their childhood interests. I regret not spending time practicing with them and showing up when they needed me to be their greatest cheerleader. I was a football, basketball, and baseball guy, and sometimes I pushed too hard to promote those activities with them. Don’t try to make your child into a “mini-me.” Celebrate them for who they are and encourage them to become all God wants them to be.
3. Never let fear drive you when it comes to living your life most fully.
When my kids lacked confidence, I made the mistake of backing away from them instead of encouraging them to pursue their hopes and dreams no matter what. One of the worst things in life is to look back and say, “I would have; I could have; I should have.” Make time to not only do things for your kids, but to spend regular time with them as well. Remind them that in Jesus, they have the strength to push through fear and do hard things.
4. Don’t wait until later to spend time together as a family.
I made lists of all I wanted to do with my kids, places I wanted to see, and exciting new adventures I wanted us to go on. Unfortunately, many of those plans were canceled because of my work. Don’t say, “We’ll do it tomorrow, next month, or next year.” That is the surest way to fail to do something great for your child. There is no “right time” to begin a new adventure. The time is now; work can wait.
5. Read books to and with your kids.
Books are an excellent source of delight, wisdom, and inspiration. Reading stretches the imagination and encourages us to dream. I missed the mark by not spending more time reading with them and passing on my love for Christian books and good literature.
6. Find joy in your work.
Sure, there were some hard things about my job and the long hours it required, but it was still a joy for me. Beware of taking a job just for money alone. Remember your gifts and the calling God placed on your life, and use them in your work as much as you're able to. This will model a good work ethic for your children and hopefully instill in them the same value.
7. Don’t yell at your children; it never works out for practical purposes.
It hurt all of us. Every time I took my anger or frustration out on my kids, I fell short as a dad. Be gentle, don’t stress out, and speak softly but firmly when your children need to listen.
8. Keep your promises.
Over the years, I learned that it's never right to tell your children, “We’ll see,” when you really mean, “No.” In raising your children, know that they expect the truth from you as their parent; give it to them always with love and kindness.
Traits of a Great Father
Faithful.
Fathers are faithful to love God, their wives, and their children.
Accessible.
Fathers sacrifice enough to be available and accessible to those who need him.
Initiative.
Fathers demonstrate initiative as they provide, serve, love, lead, and do things for Jesus and others.
Teachable.
Though he knows the word of God, he is still humble enough to learn from others.
Heart for God.
What ignites all of these qualities is a great father who has a heart for God and love for the Lord Jesus Christ.
Dig Deeper
1. Tell your father, grandfather, or other spiritual father in your life why you appreciate them.
2. Identify which of the eight points you will start implementing with your family.
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