Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8 NLT
Every day we receive calls from people who want to save their marriages. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to end a marriage, but it takes two to make it work. Fifty percent of the battle is a desire to restore the relationship. While you cannot control your spouse, there are things that you can do if you find yourself in this situation.
1. Words matter. God created the universe by speaking it into existence. When He formed man and woman, He created them in His image. Likewise, we can help make peace by using our words. In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul commands husbands to love their wives and wives to honor their husbands. Love and honor are both choices, and they both involve words. To feel loved and honored, you must first speak love and honor to your spouse.
2. Be patient. No matter how difficult, take life one day at a time. Make decisions one by one. If your spouse seems in a hurry to dissolve your marriage, do not join the race. Time is on your side. Suppose your spouse is inappropriately involved with someone else. In that case, enough time will erode the intensity of the emotions in that illicit relationship. Perhaps your spouse is dissatisfied with how life has been with you. Enough time allows you to demonstrate the changes you are willing to make.
3. Ask for help. Men generally hate to ask for help. If it were not for GPS systems on phones, there would be a lot of men who would just keep driving, unable to admit that they don’t know where they are going. Asking for help takes humility, but there is strength in a multitude of counselors. If your spouse has respect for someone, make them your advocate. Ask that person to spend time with your mate to listen to them and advise them. Often a spouse unwilling to go to counseling at the request of their mate will go when encouraged by a friend they care for or respect.
4. Offer an incentive for counseling. If you want to try marriage counseling, you may be able to convince your reluctant spouse to attend by offering something if they go. Many times in workshops, for example, people say they only came because their spouse offered some concession in their pending divorce in return for their coming. If you bring a compromise, ensure it is one you are willing to give. Do not withdraw it after your spouse keeps their end of the bargain. Instead, offer it only if you are ready to provide it in exchange for a solid opportunity to salvage your marriage.
5. Make things right on your end. There is often some measure of truth in the complaints levied in a heated moment. “You don’t care!” “You never help!” “You don’t listen to me!” “You have time for everyone except me!” “You always complain!” Rather than being offended by the accusation, look for the truth behind the words. If your spouse is complaining about your behavior, make an effort to change. Rather than focusing only on your spouse’s faults, admit your own weaknesses. When you begin working on improving yourself, you benefit yourself. You will also make strides toward salvaging your marriage.
6. Take care of yourself. When I went through a particularly stressful season, I visited my doctor. His prescription was to exercise and eat a healthy diet. I had to pay for that advice, so I followed it. Not only did I lose weight, but I also found that I felt better physically and mentally. In addition to exercise and diet, you should have a hobby that keeps your mind occupied. Get involved in your church. Get individual counseling. Whether your marriage makes it or not, you need to provide for yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Dig Deeper
1. In what ways have you been unloving and disrespectful to your spouse? How can you express love and respect to your spouse?
2. What is the main thing you should change about yourself? Do you need help to make that change?
Additional Bible Verses
1. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. – 1 Corinthians 13:2-7 NLT
2. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. – Colossians 3:14-17 NLT
3. So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” – Genesis 1:27-28 NLT
4. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. – Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT
5. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. – Ephesians 4:2-3 NLT
6. “For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you. – Isaiah 54:10 NLT
7. Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. – James 1:19-20 NLT
8. Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. She will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly. – Proverbs 3:13-18 NLT
9. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13 NLT
10. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT
