Your children will commit themselves to you, O Jerusalem, just as a young man commits himself to his bride. Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. – Isaiah 62:5 NLT
The Heart of Marriage
On the topic of marriage, Jesus said, “‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Mark 10:6-9 NLT).
Marriage is a precious depiction of the nature of God––two becoming one in fruitful fellowship, holy harmony, and unmatched unity. God’s good design is for two individuals to commit themselves to each other in an unprecedented way––becoming one flesh and thereby demonstrating the beautiful unity of the Trinity.
The Reality of Marriage
Yet marriage, in all of its glorious allusion to the Trinity, differs in one significant way: It is still a relationship between a pair of imperfect people. People learning to grow into the image of Jesus, yes, but imperfect nevertheless.
But just as God has showered us with grace in love, so too do we shower our spouse with grace in love. Love isn't an emotion. It is a deliberate choice––one we must make every day. This love is binding, uniting husband and wife together for life in a kind of relationship they share with no one else. It's a covenant that should ultimately reflect Jesus Christ's glory.
Maintaining a Healthy Marriage
Our hope is to represent God through our marriages. If we are to do this well, we must actively work toward a healthy marriage through purposeful planning and follow-through.
Here are five steps for growing and maintaining a healthy marriage:
1. Never Stop Learning About One Another
As time goes on, you and your spouse will know more about one another than anyone else. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t always more to learn. As you grow and walk through different seasons of life, your spouse will shift in little ways. It’s not that they’re becoming a different person––it’s that they’re maturing into a more refined version of themselves. Notice these changes and tell them what is good and lovely that you see in them. Don’t stop seeking out the new parts of your spouse—the more you know about them, the more there is to love.
2. Have Both Shared and Individual Dreams
Marriage gives two individuals the chance to build a life together. To dream about the future and work toward seeing it come to fruition. But this union doesn’t negate the individuality of each person in the relationship. Just because you build shared dreams doesn’t mean you stop having your own. And while some of these individual dreams may have to die, that doesn’t mean they all have to. As you navigate life together, it’s important to keep each others’ individual dreams in mind and plan accordingly.
3. Clear Obstacles Daily
At the end of the day, there will be things that went wrong––someone forgot to do something they promised, the little thing your spouse said that hurt your feelings, feeling like you’re taking on more of the load at home. These things don’t have to ruin what would otherwise be a good day together. When we’re more consistent in sharing the little things, we prevent them from becoming big things that derail the two of you. While you don’t want this to be an excuse to become nitpicky (there are just things we need to have grace and mercy with, letting it roll off our backs), the things that are genuine frustrations or hurts should be shared with the intention of coming to a healthy resolution that benefits both spouses.
4. Share Heartfelt Thoughts in the Moment
You’re sitting across from your spouse at the dinner table, kids throwing food on the floor while the dog scrambles to pick up scraps, and you catch your spouse’s eye and smile. Suddenly you’re taken back to the moment you met––butterflies and all. The moment passes as a stray green bean hits you in the head, knocking you out of your star-crossed gaze. But that smile, that moment, sticks with you. In the midst of the chaos, we’re most likely to let it pass without saying anything. But what if, instead, this time you said it? You told your spouse how much you care for them and adore their smile. Those are the little “love notes” that keep the relationship strong.
5. Pray Together Regularly
Praying for your marriage is important. With everything that goes into it––from matching up schedules to balancing checkbooks––why not saturate it in prayer? Prayer invites God into every decision, every thought, and every action you take as a couple. But don’t just pray alone. Make sure to spend a good amount of time praying together. This time allows you to build vulnerability, show affection for one another in intercession, and glorify God through your unity. If you’re not used to praying out loud together, it may be awkward at first. But over time, it will become more natural. Before you know it, prayer will be a beautiful centerpiece of your marriage.
Below are some scriptures to help you know what God says about our roles in marriage and the nature of that covenant relationship. If you want prayer or to talk about your current situation, feel free to call the pastoral care team at 800-525-5683.
Additional Scriptures:
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and He brought her to the man. "At last!" the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'" This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. – Genesis 2:22-24 NLT
"Haven’t you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied, "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.'" And He said, "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” – Matthew 19:4-6 NLT
Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. – 1 Corinthians 7:1-4 NLT
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s Word. – Ephesians 5:21-26 NLT
