Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. – Psalm 55:1-2 NLT
What Is Lament?
The theme of lament is woven into numerous stories throughout the Bible. There’s even an entire book of the Bible devoted to “lamenting” (see Lamentations). But what exactly does this word mean, and how does it differ from similar words like sorrow, grief, and sadness? While most people would interchange these words without so much as a second thought, the Bible gives a more encouraging (and useful) definition of lamenting.
Throughout the Scriptures, especially in places like the Psalms, we see the people of God lift up cries of sorrow, mourning, regret, or grief. We call these types of prayers lamentations. This type of conversation with God overflows from our brokenness and grieving hearts.
Is Lament a Good Thing?
Lamenting can be a central piece to healing after hurt. When done properly, lament is more than an emotional expression. It is the pouring out of our hearts before God so that we can learn to trust that He will protect us. Lamenting is part of a process. It is the overcoming of darkness by stepping out into the light, allowing it to shine on every part of our lives––the beautiful and the broken.
Whether we’re grieving the loss of a loved one (Luke 7:11), sorrowful over our circumstances (Psalm 3), or full of remorse over a wrongdoing on our part (2 Samuel 12:15-23), lament gives us the freedom to feel and work through our range of emotions––and more importantly, points us to the ultimate source of comfort: the Lord.
Lament is not an excuse to indefinitely wallow in sadness. It is not the means by which we sit on the sidelines of life, never endeavoring to move on. Lament is a good thing that leads us to healing and restoration. When done with the intention of drawing near to God, lament can be a necessary piece to the healing process.
How Do I Move Past Lamenting?
When do we know how long is an appropriate time to lament? The season of lament will vary for every situation and every individual. What’s important is working through your pain. Consistency, mixed with grace for yourself to have harder days than others, is key in moving through lament.
Professional help can be a great tool if you need more guidance for your mental health. Spiritual guidance and accountability is important for the faith side. But foundationally, it’s important to actively seek God and His wisdom through His Word, maintain an open heart through prayer, and build vulnerability with another or others who can support you during a hard season.
While lament can sometimes cause us to drive others away (whether it’s in shame for what you’ve done, fear of opening up the wound by talking about it, or feelings of guilt that you’re a burden to others), remind yourself that the people you have deep relationships with want to be there for you and with you.
How Do I Help Someone Lamenting?
If you’ve been through a time of lamenting, you’ll know the benefits of having close, trusted people with you. If someone else is grieving or mourning, here are a few ways you can help:
1. Actively Listen. One of the best ways we can help people process their emotions is to just listen as they talk it out. This isn’t a time to give advice or try to fix the problem. This is a time to show them that you’re a safe place.
2. Set Up Healthy Boundaries. We all want to be available for those we love, but we can’t always be accessible around the clock. It’s okay (and good) to set up boundaries by being honest if/when you’re unavailable, and providing alternatives to be there for them when the time is right.
3. Encourage Character Growth. Trials of all kinds, whether self-inflicted or brought on by an outside source, can all be used to help us in our spiritual growth (James 1:2-4). Again, avoid giving advice when it isn’t being asked for. Instead, highlight the ways you see the other person growing as they process their emotions.
Lamenting is a natural part of the human experience. Everyone will experience the brokenness of creation eventually. When these moments strike, it’s important to lift up our sorrows to the Healer and Almighty––the one who will bring us healing, hope, and heavenly comfort.
