The LORD cares deeply when His loved ones die. – Psalm 116:15 NLT
Johnny sat in the back left-hand corner of my sixth-grade classroom.
He wasn’t in trouble, but by the end of each day, his desk always looked like a small tornado had passed through. Papers here. Pencils there. Organization was not his spiritual gift.
One morning during our class prayer time, Johnny raised his hand. His voice shook as he spoke.
“Can we pray for my dad? He has a brain tumor.”
A month later, I stood at the back of a church and watched as Johnny’s father was laid to rest.
When Johnny returned to school, he walked up to my desk during lunch. He looked up at me with the kind of trust only a child can offer and asked a question that carried the weight of the universe:
“Why did God let my dad die?”
He assumed I would know. Teachers usually do.
I don’t remember exactly how I answered. I only know this: it must have been God who guided my words. Johnny returned to his seat with tears in his eyes, but a smile on his face.
That moment followed me.
For the next thirty-five years, as both a teacher and a children’s pastor, I would hear that question again and again, spoken differently, whispered quietly, or asked through tears.
Why did God let this happen?
God’s Perspective on Death
Scripture teaches that for followers of Christ, death is a passage, a transition. “We would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT).
Talking With Children About Death: A Christian Parent’s Guide
Few moments stop a parent’s heart faster than when a child asks about death.
Their eyes search your face. It’s a simple question, but it carries a weight far beyond their years. In that moment, you may feel the pressure to explain the unexplainable, to protect their innocence, and to speak truth without causing fear.
Take a breath. You don’t have to have perfect words. God is already at work.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18 NLT).
Understanding how children at different ages view death can help you respond with wisdom, clarity, and grace.
Preschool Children (Ages 3–5)
How Preschoolers Understand Death
Concept of Death
For preschoolers, death does not feel permanent. It may seem temporary, like sleeping, traveling, or being gone for a while.
Understanding
They don’t yet grasp that all living things die. Their questions may repeat, because they’re trying to make sense of something too large for their hearts. Their emotions may be intense one moment and forgotten the next. Often, their greatest fear is separation, not death itself.
Typical Reactions
You may notice clinginess, confusion, or regression such as thumb-sucking or bedwetting. These are not signs of misbehavior. They are signs of grief trying to find a language.
Jesus understands this tender stage of life. He welcomed children and spoke gently to them, reminding us of their preciousness: “Let the children come to Me. Don’t stop them!” (Matthew 19:14 NLT)
Talking to a Preschool Child
How to Communicate
Use simple, concrete, and honest language. Avoid euphemisms like went to sleep or passed away, which can be confusing. Instead, explain in basic biological terms, such as the body stopped working.
Expect to repeat yourself many times as they process through all their emotions.
What to Emphasize
Reassure them that:
- They are safe
- They are loved and cared for
- It’s okay to feel sad or confused
“I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20 NLT) is a truth they don’t need to understand fully—only to feel.
Helpful Strategies
- Answer only what they ask; don’t over-explain
- Use children’s books, drawings, or simple illustrations
- Maintain daily routines to provide security and stability
Example Language
“Granddaddy died. That means his body stopped working, and he can’t come back. We will miss him, and it’s okay to feel sad. God loves us and is with us.”
Elementary-Age Children (Ages 6–10)
How Elementary Children Understand Death
Concept of Death
At this age, children begin to understand that death is permanent and irreversible. They know the body stops working and that everyone dies, including people they love.
Understanding
Curiosity increases. They may ask what happens to the body, where the soul goes, and why sickness or accidents happen. This awareness can lead to anxiety about their own safety or the safety of their parents.
Typical Reactions
Sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, difficulty concentrating, or fear of losing others are common. Elementary-age children want honest answers. They can handle facts when those facts are wrapped in compassion.
Scripture offers reassurance here: “God has planted eternity in the human heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT).
Talking to Elementary-Age Children
How to Communicate
Be honest and factual. Encourage questions and answer them truthfully, even when you don’t have all the answers. Let them see your emotions, too. This teaches them that grief is not something to hide.
What to Emphasize
- Death is permanent and universal
- Most people live a long time
- Death is not something to fear
- They are loved, protected, and not alone
“Do not be afraid…the LORD God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 NLT).
Helpful Strategies
- Explain what will happen at funerals or memorial services ahead of time
- Encourage expression through talking, drawing, writing, or journaling
- Watch for prolonged anxiety, fear, or behavior changes
Example language:
“Cancer is a sickness that made Mom’s body stop working. Doctors tried to help, but it couldn’t be fixed. It’s normal to feel sad or angry, and you can always talk with me.”
What Children Really Need
What children need the most during times of grief and loss is assurance. They need to know they’re safe, that it’s okay to ask questions, and that God is always good—even when life hurts.
Sometimes the most faithful response isn’t why but who. Who is with you when you’re sad? Who listens when you cry? Who holds your heart when you don’t know what to say? “The LORD is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust Him” (Nahum 1:7 NLT).
Johnny didn’t walk away with every mystery solved. None of us does. But he walked away knowing he wasn’t alone. And sometimes, that’s enough. Because when a child asks about death, they’re really asking about love, loss, and whether hope still lives.
And the answer, spoken or unspoken, is yes.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4 NLT).
Reflection and Action: Going Deeper
1. Read and discuss Bible stories about life and resurrection
Read passages such as John 11 (Lazarus) or Jesus’ resurrection together. Afterward, invite the child to ask questions and talk about how Christians believe death is not the end, but a transition to life with God.
2. Create a memory or remembrance activity
Help your child draw pictures, write a short letter, or make a memory box about someone who has died. Use this time to talk honestly about sadness while emphasizing God’s comfort and the hope of heaven.
