Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
You’ve probably heard it said before, but it’s worth saying again: Marriage does not complete you. When we use language like, “finding the one,” “they’re my soulmate,” and “my other half,” we convey the wrong message about marriage (and relationships in general).
God created us as whole people. Our identity is not tied into another individual other than the Person of Jesus. In light of this, we must reframe our view of marriage from “finding someone who will complete you” to “committing yourself to someone and seeking the best for them and, by extension, the relationship.”
The Pressure Is On
Marriage doesn’t solve all of your problems, it magnifies them. The problems you left unchecked, sitting by the wayside, suddenly take center stage as you share the most intimate part of your life with your spouse.
What you might have thought to be something easily overlooked may become an obstacle to your partner. The shortcomings that didn’t bother you suddenly prevent your significant other from feeling like they can thrive. In short: you need to bring your best self to your marriage.
Separate But Together
When looking at spiritual growth in marriage, it’s necessary to remember that you are responsible for yourself. In other words, you can’t blame anyone else for the state of your spiritual life—that’s between you and God.
However, as two people become one, you now have the joy (and responsibility) of playing a role of support in your spouse's growth. Encouraging through growing pains, offering grace during setbacks, and building frameworks for each person to maximize their callings are all things you can and should do for one another!
Keep On the Lookout
Spiritual maturity doesn’t happen overnight. It requires each of you to take little steps daily. Regularly talk about the season you’re in, answering questions like, “How do I want to grow?”, “What do I need from my spouse right now?” and “What is unreasonable to expect from my spouse?”
Build a plan around the answers to these questions. Do you need your spouse's help to wake up early enough to spend time in the Word because you’re a night owl and they’re a morning person? Is it reasonable to expect your spouse to be the one that makes sure you’re regularly attending church?
Don’t set yourself up for failure by finding yourself without a gameplan. Make adjustments along the way. Marriage can be the most splendid relationship you have—but as with most things, you’ll get out what you invest into it.
