How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony! – Psalm 133:1 NLT
Growing up, I was always trying to bring family members together. As the third of four children (with a more noticeable age gap between me and the “baby”), I straddled the line between my older brothers and my younger sister.
I felt more connected to my brothers—having spent a majority of my youth sharing a bedroom, going to the same schools, and wearing their hand-me-downs—but was never lumped in when people talked about the “older siblings.” Yet my sister, who was affectionately referred to as the “princess” of the family (how could you not when you’re the only girl in a sea of brothers, and the youngest one at that).
My childhood was spent trying to bring unity to this complex dynamic that never seemed to want to be tamed. But the problem was that unity required more than I as a child was able to offer.
Intentionality from Above
By its definition, unity requires a cohesive sense of purpose and identity. It does not mean everyone needs to be identical. But it does require shared values, a culture and atmosphere acceptable to all, and intentional emphasis of the former two.
Forming such qualities is dependent upon intentional steps—a purposeful endeavor of reiterating values and reinforcing attitudes and actions reflective of the desired culture. This type of emphasis cannot be done in words alone. It must be proven through action. We won’t be perfect (and we should admit this; more on that in chapter 4), but we must be consistent.
Intimacy Throughout
But intentionality alone can breed resentment. For many, capturing a vision—including the one you cast for the sake of unity in your family—takes time. We need to hear the idea over and over. We need to see how it plays into our lives (primarily how it’s going to benefit us).
Such acceptance (and more importantly, active support) of a family’s vision hinges upon our ability to develop intimacy and safety within our family. We must show self-sacrificial love, cover one another in kindness, and foster a sense of peace. These qualities will draw the family toward one another (i.e. the parts embrace the whole).
The Power of a Family Motto
While this practice might not be for everyone, a helpful way to centralize your family around a set of values and culture is through a motto—a short phrase that encapsulates what your family believes to be of utmost importance.
