Learn how the loss of their newborn daughter, Ember - who lived just over an hour – gave the family a short, sweet time to know her, but changed the entire trajectory of the family and resulted in legally changing their family’s last name from Baker to Evermore, and what that special name means to them.
The Evermore Family has one goal: Parents Joe and Anne want to build their boys up with fortitude, resilience and reverence for the Lord and his creation. Joe sees intentional fatherhood as an invaluable force that the world is beginning to lose. He wants to raise his boys to be able to overcome any obstacle and inspire families to be actively involved in their children’s lives. [Rather listen?]
“So each year our boys have one mission, each - one colossal goal. And the big one this year is that Sam (age 11) climbed the Matterhorn in Switzerland, became the youngest American to do that. Sylvan (age 8), he's climbed a number of mountains that he's the youngest person to climb Mount Moran at six. He climbed Leaning Tower when he was seven, and he also climbed Wolf's Head when he was six. And so, these are super hardcore mountains that took a lot of training and preparation to do.”
Not long after our interview, Sylvan scaled 7,569’ El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. And 6-year-old Joey climbed 175’ Bishop’s Terrace, Yosemite.
Confidence challenge goals for the Evermore boys
“It requires three things. One, it has to be so hard, hard enough that you have to work on it a little bit every day. Number two, it has to be really remarkable since we only pick one per year. And so we pick things that are truly stunning and remarkable. And then number three, rule number three is... you can't die. So we make sure that we have the right team, the right people, the right gear, and everything is lined up and all planned out, and we have the right weather before we go. And so we're very cautious"
(Richard) And people want to know, is there a harness involved? So it's not a free climb, is it?
"Every time these kids, we like to keep 'em bolted to the wall. So yeah, we're as safe as we can be. So yeah, these are always in a harness. Always got a rope on 'em. We don't believe in climbing without a rope."
(Richard) So how has all this training and the hard work brought the family together? And does your faith play a role in this too?
"Yeah, I mean a kind of rites of passage in raising the boys. And when you're in the mountains, you're definitely facing your mortality more than ever before and you're in the creation. And so you're really seeing the magnificent world that God made. These vistas are unbelievable that we get to go and we say it's about learning about the smallness of your greatness because you comprehend God in the most tremendous way when you're in the mountains and you're like this infinitesimal little dot up there. And so you're in your greatest stature, but you're kind of against the superpower of God when you're faced with his mountains. And so faith is a big part."
(Richard) I would imagine this would give your sons skills and confidence for later on in life, dealing with life.
"That's the goal. It's kind of like courage is one of the most foundational attributes, one of those foundational characters pieces that we have to gain. And when boys build self-regulation and then self-confidence and courage, they later on in life, they're able to do impossible and very hard things. And so yeah, it's all about character building what we're doing. And different fathers train their kids in different ways. It's like this is our way through apprenticeship to kind of lead our boys through rites of passage. But our message is to other dads to be intentional and to take the reins and to do something and make a plan to really build and initiate your boys into men."
And each Evermore boy has a unique middle name
"That's true. We are definitely people that are interested in having memorable kids. And so we asked God for great names. And so we've got Samuel Adventure, and then this guy [with me now], his name is Sylvan Lightyear. When we named him, God was telling us that his life was going to be on a really big scale. And so I dunno if you know, a Lightyear is actually a measurement of distance. It's 6 trillion miles. And then our next boy, we have Joey Danger. He definitely lives up to that. I got lots of stories to prove it. And then we have a brand new one, 10-months-old named Blaze Wilder (a boy)."
(Richard) So if we can, we want to go back a few years when your family experienced a very trying situation with the birth of baby Ember, please give us an overview of what happened.
"That's when all this courage and strength was needed, that's for sure. Basically when you have three boys, all you want in the world is a girl and you pray for her and you hope for her. And then she came and we'd go into a sonogram appointment and the sonographer was very cold. It wasn't like a good sonogram appointment. And so then the doctor comes in after this cold feeling. I was already in the room and he says, 'I got some bad news for you. Your baby is going to die. Your baby's going to develop normally in the womb. And then after she's born, she's going to die.' And then they begin to advocate abortion to us. And it was a devastating bit of news for us, and it was really, really hard for me. And (wife) Anne. Anne fell into a really deep depression and kind of moved into the basement of the house and it was dark."
Seeking ways to encourage after doctor's traumatizing report
"And so what we did to kind of rescue Anne, I came up with this idea that, 'Hey, what if we laid out a map of all of our favorite places and we just took Ember to all of these places before she's born?' And at the time, I was really doing that for Anne because I was in my heart really praying that God would just have mercy on us and miscarry this baby. And I thought maybe this would wake up Anne along the way. And we took what we called the Ember Tour, which we started taking her to all of our favorite places, summiting some of our favorite mountains that Anne could do while pregnant. And on that way, in talking about our daughter every day, we all fell in love with her, and especially Sylvan. Sylvan loved his little sister. And we prayed over mom each day and we sat around campfires talking about her and singing to her [Ember]."
Ember, a unique and beautiful name
"We decided to give her the name Ember, because coal and an ember is something that breaks away from the fire and then it burns out quickly. And so that was kind of where the name came. But on that tour where we fell in love with her, she began to really change us and make us a lot more present, a lot more attentive. And there was a time when we were near Yosemite, there was a forest fire. And the reason that forest fire was there was because somebody's camp fire had an ember that broke away from the fire and didn't just burn out, but it burned down the whole forest. And we began to really understand that Ember was changing us, that this little being was so powerful and so mighty in what God was doing in her life. And it was by far the most life-changing set of experiences.
When we came back from that tour, the boys realized that Ember wasn't going to make it till Christmas. She was going to be born in November. We always said 'Ember till November.' And so we decided to do Christmas before Halloween, which made our HOA kind of mad that we lit up the house and got it all set up for Christmas. And to this day, we now put up our Christmas tree before Halloween."
Ember arrives, then quickly goes to Jesus
"And so Ember came on November 4th and she lived for an hour and six minutes, and our whole family was there. And it was by far the most spiritual and transcendent event of our lives!
At the beginning of this journey, I remember praying to God and saying, 'God, how could you do this to us?' And what I experienced in that hospital room was that God was actually sad with us. And for the first time in my life, I really realized that our universe is quite a bit more complicated than just this simple version of God kind of blesses and curses whoever he wants."
Changing Family's Name to Honor God... and Ember
"I could feel that the world is broken and that God was sad and that in a way he was sad that we were sad - and he was. Also, that we could trust in him that he was going to take our daughter and that we were going to see her again. And the whole experience was so transformative that we actually decided to change our name. And it took us a little bit to do that, to get my parents to sign off and everybody in our family to sign off on that. But we changed our name. We used to be the Baker family, and now we are the Evermore family, which is just referring to God's eternal goodness and his love for us. And so that's how we became the Evermores."
(Richard) I understand your wife, Anne, said something to Ember in her final few moments, very poignant.
"Yes, she did. I remember exactly where I was when she did. She looked at Ember, she's giving us these few breaths and she says, ‘You were so worth it’ - and that there are so many parts of this of experiences that just were life-changing to us, and that was one of 'em. Our boys will never forget that."
The words you've just read reflect the strong love for family - and reverence for Christ. But hearing the actual interview with Joe may allow you to experience a deeper sense of what is at work with the Evermore family. That interview podcast is just below:
