Let’s cut right to the chase: dating as a Christian in the 21st century is hard. Trying to find someone who shares your interests, has similar long-term life goals, and can encourage you spiritually (among any other non-negotiable qualities you may be looking for!) is no easy task. Add on top of that being in school or working full-time, trying to maintain friend and family relationships, practicing hobbies, keeping your house clean…even finding the time to date can be a challenge.
As with all things in life, turning to God’s Word for guidance and direction every step of the way is the most important thing you can do when pursuing romantic partnership.
While the Bible doesn’t speak to dating explicitly, within its pages we’ll find all sorts of life principles that can be applied to dating relationships.
What Is Love?
First and perhaps most importantly, before starting to date, we must have a proper, biblical view of love. First John 4:19 says, “We love each other because [God] loved us first” (NLT). The only reason we’re capable of love—familial, platonic, or romantic—is because God loved us first. It is His unfailing, unconditional love that sustains us and enables us to love others in the same way.
First Corinthians 13:4-7 lays out in more detail what love looks like in action: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (NLT).
Before pursuing a romantic relationship, pray and ask God to show you how to love and honor others in the way that follows His example—and keep praying throughout the whole relationship!
Equally Yoked
When choosing a partner, it’s crucial to look for someone who loves the Lord and is actively pursuing a relationship with Him. Second Corinthians 6:14 warns us to not “team up with those who are unbelievers,” because “how can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” (NLT). You want to date someone who doesn’t just say they’re a Christian, but is pursuing a deeper understanding of God through His Word, is growing in obedience to God’s commandments, regularly attends church, and is involved in Christian community.
Dating with Intention and Respect
Not every relationship necessarily has to be serious or long-term, but you should never date someone out of boredom, a need for validation or attention, or to fill an emotional hole in your heart. Second Timothy 2:22 urges us to “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (NLT). Be on guard against stringing people along if you see no future with them.
And be on guard over your own heart, too—if someone is not stating their intentions, communicating clearly, and following through on what they say they’re going to do; if they’re manipulative, unkind, controlling, or have no direction in their life, they’re not the person you want to be with.
Whether a relationship lasts two months or five years, whether it ends in a breakup or an engagement, dating as a Christian should always be covered in prayer, regularly inviting the counsel of a few trusted friends. As in all relationships, prioritize intention, respect, care, and kindness. Make every effort to see the person you’re dating as a beloved son or daughter of Christ, made in His image and worthy of love—just as you are.
