Just be patient.
When you stop looking you’ll find it.
Enjoy your single season while it lasts!
If you’re a single adult, you’ve probably heard all of these platitudes from well-meaning people at some point. While they’re well-intentioned sentiments, they still inadvertently send the message that your life won’t be complete or your identity fully realized until you get married. And that can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging.
Rest in Your Identity as a Son or Daughter of Christ
Since there’s such a high value placed on romantic love and marriage—for good reason!—it’s sometimes easy to feel less than if you don’t have a partner. You start to wonder, What’s wrong with me? Am I not desirable? Am I missing something fundamental that everyone else has?
But your identity is not found in your marital status. You are not incomplete because you don’t have a spouse or partner. Psalm 23:1 says, “The LORD is my shepherd; I lack nothing” (NIV, emphasis added). When you’re in Christ, your identity comes from God alone. You are made in His image, and your life has value because of that incontrovertible fact. You are fully loved and known by Him, regardless of external and often fleeting factors like career, wealth, or relationships.
Know You’re Not Behind
Particularly in American culture, there’s an unspoken pressure to achieve more and more by a younger and younger age. Graduate from college early so you can start your career sooner so you can buy a house by 25 and retire by 45…
But most, if not all, of that pressure is made up! There is no set timeline, there’s not one identical path that every person has to follow. Your story isn’t going to look (and, in fact, shouldn’t look) exactly the same as anyone else’s. So even if everyone around you is already married or in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you missed your chance, you’re too late, or you’re further behind than you should be. As long as you’re living in obedience to the Lord, aiming to glorify Him in all you do, you’re exactly where you need to be.
Fill Your Life with Beautiful Things
Above all else, make an intentional effort to build a beautiful life for yourself. Don’t wait until you find a partner to start taking those pottery classes or travel to Europe or learn a new language. Invest now in friends, family, church, art, travel, hobbies, or whatever else fills your cup. These things aren’t a stopgap until you find a partner, nor are they meant to temporarily fill a deeper hole in your heart—they’re meant to add richness, excitement, and joy to an already fulfilling life.
God loves you. He wants you to find satisfaction in Him, purpose in the life He’s given you, and joy through every season—and He wants to give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 34:7)! So whether you get married at 20, at 65, or you never get married at all, you can trust His plan, His timing, and His tender care for you.
