Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. – Proverbs 27:9 ESV
We all have an innate desire to be known and understood. We want to journey through life with people who get us, who will be there to support, encourage, and convict us, who can make us laugh through the hardest seasons.
We were designed by God to be with others; we see that as early as Genesis 2, when God says of Adam that “‘It is not good for the man to be alone’” (2:18 NLT). It is good and right for us to need other people, to live in supportive community with like-minded (and sometimes even not-so-like-minded) people. We learn more about ourselves in the context of others. We feel the love of Christ through the love they show to us. Our closest friends may even help us discover God’s purpose for our lives. Plus, life is simply just more fun when we have good friends by our side.
Be Curious
No matter where you go to make friends—church, work, a hobby group, or even social apps, one thing will always be true: Curiosity is the genesis and the lifeblood of friendship. All friendships begin with some type of question. Where are you from? What do you do for work? Oh, you like that thing too? You start out by asking someone a question, and then the friendship develops through the continued asking of questions on a progressively deeper and more intimate level. What’s your favorite book? What were you like as a child? What are you afraid of?
Curiosity shows others that you care about their inner world. They may not have all the same opinions or interests as you do, but a healthy, flourishing friendship makes room for differences, and, in fact, welcomes the color those differences bring to the relationship!
Put Yourself Out There
Take your request for good friends to the Lord. Pray for all the people He’s going to lead you to in the future. Pray for friends who are strong in the Lord and who are living in obedience to Him. Pray for friends with whom you have lots in common and to whom you can relate deeply. And on the flip side, pray for friends whose lives look absolutely nothing like yours, and pray your heart is open to learning from them. Pray for friends who will open your eyes to new experiences, foods, cultures, and ways of thinking.
God is faithful to hear the earnest cries of your heart and will meet your requests in better ways than you can imagine.
Then, put yourself out there! As vulnerable as it can feel at first, you’ll never build a community by sitting at home by yourself. Join a small group at church; ask your coworker if they’d like to eat lunch together; find an exercise, art, or cooking class in your area and then introduce yourself to at least one person there.
Friends aren’t necessarily hard to find, but it does take intention, time, and effort to find the ones who are perfect for you. Don’t give up!
Stay Curious
If the secret to making friends is to be curious about people, the secret to maintaining friends is to stay curious. Even if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, there’s always going to be more you can learn about them—especially considering how much people change and grow over time. New interests develop, new experiences are had. Human beings are endlessly fascinating, and there’s no better feeling than having someone in your life who is genuinely interested in learning more about you through every shifting season. So be that person for others, too! Keep asking questions. Keep wondering about people. And whether they become a life-long friend or not, keep demonstrating the love and light of Christ to each person you meet.
