So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. – Exodus 17:10-12 NLT
There are few comforts in life like knowing you have a community of people who love you, are rooting for you, and who will hold your arms up when life gets heavy.
Which means wanting to be the person who holds your friends’ arms up is an honor worth striving for! So how do you care for your friends well, in the good times, in the bad times, and in every time in-between? How do you show up for each person in the way that’s most helpful to them?
In the Good Times
When something exciting happens to you, who do you run to first? You probably run to your friends or close family members—those who know you best and will joyfully join you in celebrating your victories.
One way you can care for your friends well is by staying up to date on their day-to-day lives. Ask them “small talk” questions on a regular basis: How’s work been? How’s your son’s soccer team doing? How are those home renovations going? This way, you’ll know exactly when they’re up for a promotion, when their son scored the winning goal, when they were able to find a great deal on a dishwasher for their new kitchen—and you’ll be able to celebrate with them in real time!
Your friends should know that you’re a safe place for them to share all the details of their lives, knowing that you will never be jealous or resentful of their blessings.
In the Bad Times
At some point or another, we’re all going to find ourselves in a difficult season where we just can’t handle things on our own anymore. It’s in those moments when we truly come to understand the value of community and that having friends who will stand in the gap for you is not just a luxury but a necessity.
Not everyone reacts to hard seasons or major life changes the same way. So to care for your friends well, you have to understand who they are and how they operate, especially under stress. Some people isolate, some people need to be around others more than ever. One friend might love it if you show up unannounced at their door with dinner, but to another friend, that would be an even bigger stressor.
Try to avoid generic offers like let me know if you need anything; this puts the impetus to ask for help on the person who’s struggling, which can be extremely difficult and overwhelming. If you’re not sure how best to show up for someone, give them options (but not too many). When they tell you they’re dealing with something difficult, you could say, Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer some space right now? Maybe you want to bring them a meal, so you say, I’m bringing you dinner on Tuesday night. I can just leave it at your door, or we can eat together if you’re up for some company!
Caring for your friends doesn’t always have to come in the form of grand gestures. Sometimes it’s as simple as texting them an encouraging Bible verse, sitting with them in silence, or sending them $5 for a coffee.
All the Times In-Between
In all friendships, there are good seasons and bad seasons. But the majority of your friendship is probably pretty uneventful. Nothing all that great, nothing all that difficult, just regular everyday life. You text back and forth every couple days, see each other at church, grab an early dinner after work. You ask each other for updates and you both respond, “Same old, same old.” They continue inviting you into their world and you continue inviting them into yours, even when there isn’t anything all that interesting happening.
This is when you’re best able to establish steady faithfulness within your friendships. This is when you show them that you’re not just there when things go well or things go terribly—you’re there all the time, for every mundane little moment.
Having people in our lives who will hold our arms up, and whose arms we can hold up, is a tremendous blessing. These friends make us feel less alone. They bring us joy. They steer us back onto the path when we stray. And above all, they are a reminder that our God cares even more deeply for us than even the closest, most intimate friend ever could.
