Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone…Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. – Romans 12:17-18, 21 NLT
We can’t pick our families. Some view that as an undeserved blessing—an act of God’s grace for us. Others may wrestle with that truth, facing hidden struggles and unseen battles against the ones who are supposed to love them most.
If you find yourself in the middle of a toxic family, it can be hard to navigate your way toward health. Despite your attempts to set boundaries, mitigate conflict, or find healing through the pain, a toxic family can leave you feeling broken, alone, and hopeless.
The God Who Sees
You are not alone in your pain. In the quiet moments when you have nothing left to say, God knows your heart. The agonizing prayers you lift up each day are heard by the Lord. Sleepless nights of anxious restlessness are accompanied by the presence of the Holy Spirit, offering your soul comfort.
God sees you. He hears you. He knows you. And above all, He loves you. That means that no matter where you find your family situation, your heavenly Father is working—in your heart and the hearts of your family members. All for His glory, intricately connected. Everything rests in the palms of His careful hands.
Remember the True Enemy
Though your family may be a source of tension, heartache, or frustration, remember that they are not the enemy. Their souls long to find healing, and that pain causes them to lash out. Sometimes in self-preservation, other times for self-glorification. In any case, they’re lost. But you can be the light that leads them closer to the heart of God.
Satan seeks to create division within your family, but the Lord wants to reconcile and unite. As you deal with the toxicity in your family, ask God to give you a compassionate heart and eyes to see your family members the same way He saw you when He called you: as a sheep without a shepherd.
You have the opportunity to show your family true grace, mercy, and unearned favor, just as the Lord shows to us every single day.
Hold Onto Hope
Don’t lose heart along the way. Pray without ceasing—ask for God’s healing hand to rest upon your family. Continue to strengthen your faith with holy discipline—reading and meditating on the Word, communing with God, and surrounding yourself with people who can offer you encouragement and support through it all. And above all else, ask for God’s will to be done above your own.
God is known for performing miracles, and He has no intention of that changing. Even if you feel like your family is too far gone, the Lord has the ability to do the unthinkable. Put your trust in Him and remain faithful to the call He’s placed on your life.
Learning to Let Go
Sometimes you won’t see change. Maybe for a while; maybe ever. There will be days that seem like progress is being made, and others that feel like you’ve taken a dozen steps back.
Allow yourself the space to grieve, mourn, process, and do whatever else you need to keep your soul healthy and your heart centered on God. You can’t change hearts. If your family refuses to seek to restore and rebuild, release the burden of guilt or responsibility to God.
Nobody wants to see a family fall apart, least of all our gracious Father. Press into His plan for your life and hold onto the hope that He is making all things news. Whether you see it in this life or the next, God will redeem the brokenness of this world—including the brokenness of your family.
