Marriage can be difficult when two people do not share the same faith, and one spouse follows Jesus while the other does not. One may have walked away from a faith they once held or maybe the marriage began before God took hold of your heart. Another may have questions, doubts, or deep resistance toward Christianity.
For the spouse who follows Christ, the situation can become all-consuming. You may think about your spouse's beliefs constantly and worry about your marriage, your family, and what the future will look like.
But there is another way to approach an interfaith marriage. Hebrews 12:1-2 tells us “Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus.” Instead of making your spouse's faith, doubts, or behavior the center of your life, put Jesus at the center.
Keep Jesus at the Center
When someone you love is struggling with faith, it can quickly become the thing you think about most. You may analyze every comment, worry about every decision, and wonder what you can say to change your spouse's heart.
The first step is to redirect your attention. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Do not allow your spouse's disbelief or questions to become the center of your life. Jesus remains your source of hope, regardless of what your spouse chooses. This does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop allowing the situation to control your focus.
When Jesus is at the center, you can begin to see your spouse differently.
See Your Spouse Through Jesus' Eyes
It is easy to see someone primarily through the lens of what hurts us. You may see the spouse who refuses to attend church, questions Scripture, or rejects your beliefs.
Try instead to see that person through the eyes of Jesus. Jesus looked at people with compassion and saw beyond their behavior into their hearts. That changes the way we approach difficult conversations.
Ask God to help you see your spouse as He does. When you are disappointed or hurt, return to that prayer modeled in Romans 12:10: “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
Seeing your spouse through Jesus' eyes does not mean you have to agree with everything they believe or do. It will help change your posture toward them and their actions and allow you to keep the focus on their value as your spouse.
Pray for Trust, Not Just Changed Behavior
When a spouse walks away from faith, it is natural to focus on behavior. You may pray that they will attend church, read the Bible, stop questioning, or make different choices.
But consider praying about something deeper: trust.
Ask Jesus to reveal where your spouse first stopped trusting Him. What happened? What wounded them? What questions remain unanswered? Where did they begin to believe that God could not be trusted?
Make that the focus of your prayers rather than simply asking God to change outward behavior. Put Psalm 37:5 at the center of that prayer: “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.”
Trust is foundational. When trust begins to break down, it can affect every part of a person's relationship with God. Praying for that deeper issue allows you to bring the heart of the situation to Jesus.
Let God's Word Speak
You do not have to manufacture the perfect argument or find the right words to convince your spouse. It’s not your job to change your spouse's heart. God alone has that power.
If your spouse is willing to hear Scripture, allow God's Word to speak for itself. Let Psalm 119:105 guide your: “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” Don’t turn every verse or chapter into a debate or opportunity for correction.
Let the Word of God linger in the air between you and your spouse and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work. You may not know what your spouse is thinking while they listen. You may not see immediate change. That does not mean nothing is happening.
Don't Give Up Hope
An interfaith marriage can leave a believing spouse feeling discouraged, especially when years pass without visible change.
But a person's current position is not necessarily the end of the story.
Keep praying. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Keep seeing your spouse through His eyes. Ask Him to reveal where trust was broken and bring those places into the light. Continue allowing God's Word to shape your own life rather than making your spouse's response the measure of your hope.
And remember, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).
You cannot control whether your spouse chooses to follow Jesus. You cannot force belief, create faith, or manufacture a spiritual awakening. But you can faithfully place the situation in God's hands.
Your spouse may feel unreachable today. That does not make them unreachable to God. The same Jesus who pursued you can pursue the person you love. So keep looking to Him. Let Him remain the center. And trust Him with the person you cannot change.
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Dr. Greg Smalley and Erin Smalley are key figures in Focus on the Family’s marriage ministry, where they develop and oversee initiatives to prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen existing marriages, and support couples in marital crises. Together, they co-created Ready to Wed, a comprehensive premarital curriculum for engaged couples, and the Focus on Marriage Assessment, an online tool to help couples evaluate and enhance their relationships.
Greg, the son of the late Dr. Gary Smalley, a renowned family counselor and founder of the Smalley Relationship Center, developed a passion for marriage from a young age, inspired by attending his father’s conferences. He is the author of 20 books, including “Reconnected: Moving from Roommates to Soulmates in Your Marriage” and “9 Lies that Will Destroy Your Marriage.”
Erin, a licensed professional counselor with a private practice (Smalley Marriage), has co-authored 12 books, including “Reconnected,” “Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage,” and “The Wholehearted Wife.”
Together, they present at marriage enrichment seminars, delivering insightful and practical guidance with a touch of humor to help couples build deeply satisfying marriages. Greg and Erin, married since 1992, are biological and adoptive parents to four children: Taylor, Murphy, Garrison, and Annie.
